Title: Leaving the Pain Behind….
Author Notes: Hi, this is the first chapter of my New Road story, just took me longer to write it down.
Big thanks to my amazing beta Jerseybelle for her oustanding help
This is Cameron POV
"Don't lie and say that it's ok
It's alright if there's nothing more to say
So I'm running away
I'm leaving this place
Yeah, I'm running away
I'm running away..."
She had taken all the pain she could handle and now it was time to cut her losses and walk away.
She knew he wasn´t going to change. She expected nothing more from him than what she got, sex, insults, and being tossed out like yesterday's trash, all for his own self preservation. But now, even though she loved him, she had to leave or it would kill her. He had managed to break her, or better said, shattered. She had been broken before.
She called a friend in LA, packed her bags and hired a moving company; an e-mail to Cuddy and that was all. She was out of Princeton; she was out of his life and on the road to a new one.
"Don't tell me I'm the one to blame
It's too late for you to make me stay
No, I won't stay
So I'm running away
I'm leaving this place
Yeah, I'm running away
I'm running away..."
She blamed herself for being weak, for allowing him to use her, for exposing her heart. Her feelings for him allowed him to use her to his advantage and now she felt like a whore. She knew that it wasn´t in him to feel, certainly not emotions that could make him weak. He wouldn´t allow himself to feel things that would make him vulnerable, that would expose him to pain. He had been hurt before and understood the lesson better than she ever would; when hurt, close your heart and shut down your emotions so no one can hurt you again.
Yeah, that leaves you alone but at least you won´t get crushed again.
"And faster than you can follow me
From this lonely place
And farther than you can find me
I'm leaving
Yeah, I'm leaving today
And I
I'll never let you find me
I'm leaving you behind with the past
No, I won't look back
And I don't want to hear your reasons
Don't want to hear you tell me why I should stay..."
She wasn´t going back and she knew they wouldn´t miss her. She had made up her mind to close that part of her life and start again. For the very first time, Allison Cameron was listening to how Allison Cameron felt, caring for no one other than herself. It was something that nobody else had ever done.
Her parents, while caring for her, didn´t have the time. As the youngest of six children she was mostly raised by her older brother.
Tom never told her about his cancer. But she knew and understood why he had wanted to marry, but he never told her until it was too late. She married him anyway, but he still took advantage.
Robert just wanted to prove that he could win her, and even when he tried, he never really loved her. He wanted her to change, to be like him but it was something she couldn´t do.
House, well, he needed release, he needed a toy to fuck, and someone at whom he could lash out his anger towards the world.
Nobody really cared about her, but at least with House she knew what to expect.
He had been the only one to be honest.
"And try
And try to understand me
And try to understand what I say
When I say I can't stay
I'm moving on from this place
I'm leaving and I won't wait
I'm running away
I'm running away
I'm leaving this place
Yeah, I'm running away
I'm running away..."
She had to die to reborn, like a phoenix, and so that is what she did. Alone, standing in her apartment, she took one last look around and left.
Leaving behind the pain, leaving behind her heart, leaving behind him.