Akatsuki and the Charity Event

My First Akatsuki fic in a while! Hope you enjoy it! IF you've never read one of my Akatsuki stories before I suggest you read a few so you can be properly introduced to Lola, Dana and Marisol! If you already know them…then you already know what to expect!

I do not own Naruto and I don't profit from putting them through hell.

The day had arrived, the day that Kisame knew Kakuzu would hate more than any other day ever in life…the day that the leader made everyone participate in the silent auction charity event to benefit ugly pets. It wasn't that Kakuzu didn't want to help ugly pets…it was that he hated to see money disappear and he hated the thought of donating something to the auction that he had actually PAID for! So this morning, Kakuzu had the perfect solution to deal with the impending charity auction….he would steal all the Styrofoam cups in the house he could find.

"Good morning Kakuzu." A yawning Lola said to him as she shoved him out of the way to get to the coffee pot. She didn't even notice him hording the cups…which was unusual; Lola always noticed antics like this one.

"Oh…uh….hi Lola….don't mind me…I'm just…looking for….stamps…yes that's it…stamps!" Kakuzu said completely unconvincingly.

"Okay, sure whatever." Lola answered him completely uninterested in whatever he was doing. The house was so quiet that morning with the exception of Kakuzu shoving cups down his pants. Well, all was quiet momentarily….

"OH MY GOD, YEAH! I HAVE A PROBLEM!" Deidara came shrieking out of his bedroom. Lola closed her eyes and gritted her teeth.

"OH MY GOD! IS ANYONE EVEN LISTENING, YEAH!?" She knew Deidara would probably start crying any minute so Lola felt obligated to answer.

"Deidara, it's 9:00 in the morning what could possibly be wrong?" Lola asked. Kakuzu had slipped out of the kitchen and was now headed for the garage…there just HAD to be cups there.

"Okay, okay…yeah…I think…Princess just coughed up a hairball and I don't know what to do! Oh my god, is she going to die, yeah!?" Deidara asked rushing down the stairs. "Oh Lola, you really should put something nice on in the morning, yeah. I mean that outfit is just sad. It doesn't even match, yeah." Deidara said obviously forgetting about the tragedy at hand.

"I thought you were worried about your damn cat dying?" Lola asked him coldly.

"Oh! That's right, yeah! Is Princess going to die Lola!? Itachi thinks she might. I am not going to be the one to tell my precious Marisol that our cat is dead.

"Oh my god! Deidara! The cat just spit that thing up on my Michael Kors jeans! Get the hell up here and clean it up!" Itachi yelled out the door. Thank god Kisame had just come out of his room.

"Kisame! You HAVE to help me, yeah! Lola is dressed badly and she doesn't know what to do. Princess coughed up a hairball, yeah! How can I save her! She doesn't have long, yeah!!" Deidara had reached complete panic mode. Kisame blinked a couple times and looked at Deidara.

"For real Deidara, how can you be so fucking stupid? Your dumb cat is not going to die. She just coughed up hair…now go clean it up so Itachi will shut up and life will return to normal." Kisame said shoving him aside to move down the stairs and join Lola.

"Oh my god! Marisol! Itachi! Dana, yeah! Princess isn't going to die!" Deidara yelled rushing back into the bedroom.

"Hey Lola, so what are you donating to the silent auction today?" Kisame asked her.

"I was thinking my laptop. I need a new one anyway, and there's nothing wrong with the one I have. Sasori thought it would be a good idea. "Lola said.

"I'm going to donate my entire collection of fly fishing equipment." Kisame told her.

"Oh that's good, especially since you went through that self help course on why fishing will not get you in touch with your half-shark roots." Lola told him.

"You are so right."

"Hey, hey Lola! You will never believe what I found in our closet!" Sasori said very excited.

"Oh my god…did you find…" Look took a deep breath. "Your dinosaur trading cards?" Lola asked.

"YES! YES! That's exactly what I found!" Sasori was so excitedly. "I brought you the brontosaurus!" Sasori said giving it to Lola.

"Oooh, the brontosaurus! That's like…my favorite dinosaur EVER!"

"Yeah, I think I'm going to donate these for the auction." Sasori said.

"Nooo! No honey, you can't do that! You've had these since you were 10!" Lola said shoving a cup of coffee in front of him.

"Well, you are right. My grandma hated these cards…she always said dinosaurs were the devil's minions and that I would have to be purified of my evils if I collected them…shit I have over 100 of these!" Sasori giggled.

"Yeah, but your grandma also said Lola was the antichrist…keep the cards Sasori." Kisame encouraged him.

"Alright…I need to go look for something else to take to the auction." Sasori said going back upstairs to continue his search for something to donate.

"Zetsu? What happened man?" Kisame said seeing Zetsu coming in from outside.

"Stupid….neighborhood kids!" Zetsu said. "The kids down the street thought it would be funny to stuff me in a giant pot! Now I'm covered in dirt and they threw dandelions all over me…which I'm allergic too! Now I have to take my stupid allergy medicine!" Zetsu ranted.

"That's it! I've had it with those stupid kids! They are loud! They leave crap in the street! They threw a fish at me the other day!" Kisame said. "I'm going to tell the leader to eliminate those families if you know what I mean!" Kisame said to Zetsu.

"Do it! Do it Kisame!" Zetsu said running off to the shower. The phone rang and Kisame was closest.

"Hello? Hey Pein. Yeah sure you can come here first, okay. Yeah. Okay. Wait…you're donating 1986 camaro? Pein….where did you get…you know what never mind yes we'll follow you." Kisame hung up the phone.

"Well hello Kisame. Lola…beautiful…as usual, seriously. I have found the perfect Jaashin item to donate for the auction! A marble statue of the great Jaashin himself! It's a little big though…probably eight feet tall…seriously, is that bad?" Hidan wondered.

"Off the top of my head I have no clue how we're going to get it there, but someone will probably be all up in to Jasshin's world." Kisame said. All would have been fine had something not come crashing down the stairs. On further inspection, it was discovered that Tobi had come crashing down the stairs with an entire box full of building blocks…now there were blocks all over the place and Tobi in the middle of them.

"Okay, Tobi what's with the blocks? Please tell me that's not what you are donating to the auction?" Kisame asked.

"Of course it is! I'm good right? I'm a good boy? I picked the perfect thing!" Tobi was so happy. Kisame didn't have the heart to tell him it was completely ridiculous so he just let him pick up the blocks and feel like he had made a great contribution.