There were things about Dan that still surprised Phil a little. To be fair, he had only been talking to Dan for, what, a year? But even so-
The boy was so strangely soft sometimes.
Not his skin, not his hair, not the slight padding above his hip bones- No, Dan was soft somewhere in between the light glinting in his eyes when he cracked Phil a smile and the slight breaths he let out when, while he was staying over, he'd curl against Phil during the night and stay like that until morning.
Dan was soft, and sweet and gentle and Phil knew this but-
But he also knew Dan who had a razor sharp wit. Who sometimes made one too many jokes at Phil's expense, who had a dirty mind and loved to show all his edges to the world, loved to make himself sharp and dark and a little bit of a production (because, after all, Dan had always wanted to be an actor).
And so, sometimes, Phil forgot about the Dan who was almost neurotic about whether or not Phil's parents liked him or the Dan who told Phil he missed him if they hadn't messaged in a day or so, who would sometimes shoot him a text late at night just saying "hey quick reminder I think you're the best" or something of the sort.
So the email maybe shouldn't have come as quite a shock to Phil but he still felt the jolt of surprise was justified.
The message was short and it was quite late when Dan had sent it, Phil noticed. And the text was riddled with Dan's brand of grammatical errors and emo slang;
Hey Phil -
I know i'm sending this in like the middle of the night. if you're not convinced Im a stalker yet you are now, huh? Anyways, got this message from a fan on dailybooth asking me if any songs reminded me of anyone and I said interrupted by fireworks for you and then i just kind of. Kept going. basically ended up making a playlist for you. Its like really short and barely a playlist and you don't have to listen to it or anything, at least it was a fun way to procrastinate. Here it is:
Interrupted by Fireworks
The Kids Aren't Alright by Fallout Boy
When the Day Met the Night by Panic at the Disco
Somewhere Only We Know by Keane
Us- Regina Spektor
this is a dumpster fire soz lol
XXX
Dan
Phil smiled to himself, trying to ignore the way his heart swelled just a bit, trying to remind himself that he and Dan had talked about this- both having romantic feelings for each other- and Dan wasn't ready for anything to move forward and they both decided just to not jump into anything.
Even so, he pulled out his phone to text Dan.
Hey just got your email! Thanks so much for the playlist, i'm going to listen to the whole thing right now! :)
His phone buzzed back a reply almost immediately, a single "3."
Phil owned a lot of the songs Dan had sent him on iTunes, but splurged for the Keane and Regina Spektor songs and then collected them all in a playlist, plugging his headphones in and letting the dreamy opening chords to Interrupted by Fireworks pull him to sleep.
He listened to Dan's playlist so many times that week that he would have gotten sick of it if it didn't mean so much to him. He wanted to do something for Dan, to thank him, but he didn't really know what or how and it wasn't usually hard for Phil to show affection but he hadn't really felt like this about anyone before.
So, he did what he was good at. He filmed a video.
"Hey Dan," he started. "It's about 2 in the morning here and I'm filming this because. Well because I really wanted to say thank you for the playlist- and I know i've already thanked you but not properly, you know? So yeah, thank you. And-" Phil paused, hesitating He'd have to edit this bit out.
"And also, thank you for just everything. I'm so glad I decided to ask you to add me on Skype because you're so much fun and you're basically my favorite person to talk to and I-"
Phil broke off again. He was supposed to be better than this, but he also knew that what he wanted to say was difficult and it was hard to bring himself to do it.
"And I've been thinking about this for a while, and I think I may be at least a little in love with you Dan, and there's no pressure that comes with that statement, I just wanted to tell you because. Well I thought you deserved to know."
"Anyways, yeah, thanks for the playlist. Hopefully when you watch this you don't freak out. I'm going to turn the camera off now, because i'm babbling. Bye!"
Phil stopped recording with his heart practically racing. He cut the video together, then pressed upload, making sure it was privated. It didn't take long to process because it was so short, and it was probably only half an hour later that he sat, ready to share it with Dan.
Phil chewed on his lip. It was tough and nerve wracking and honestly he didn't expect anything out of it, but- but this was who Phil was. Phil was honest and open and loved almost without fear and yeah maybe this was scary but it was also the most truthful thing he could do. So he typed Dan's email address in, sent him a message to check his inbox, then went to sleep before he could obsess over it.
In the morning, he had gotten a text from Dan.
"So I saw your video. You're welcome, btw. And I saw the last part. I think I'm ready for things to move forward. Should I call you tonight? We can talk about it?"
Phil broke into a grin.
"Yes. 3"