( *Cracks her knuckles at the computer desk* AL RIGHT! Here we go! Writing about things which usually don't make sense to any normal person is my specialty! *Evil laughter* MUWAHAHHAHAHHAHA! Keep coming with those reviews, guys, I'm counting on ya to let me know what I can do better! /(~,^`))* )
Slayers Live
" Something Really Irrelevant!"
By: Tamoko Sanjii
" CUT, CUT, CUT! THAT'S ALL WRONG!" A familiar young voice sounded from a megaphone, sounding rather upset. " I THOUGHT you were PROFESSIONALS!" Lina's head dropped in spite of impatience and jolting anger as Gourry and the rest fell to the ground very worn out due to this slave driver of a director. They had been working on one episode…ONE EPISODE, ALL WEEK! Every single little word, every single little movement, it ALL had to be perfect! The deadline was at the end of the following day, and no one was being very cooperative. " AURGHHHHH!" The sorceress growled fiercely, flames seeming to torch off of her body, " IF I HAVE TO DO THIS STINKIN' SCENE, ONE-MORE TIME!" She bawled her fists at the sides of her thighs, really hoping that the director might happen to choke on the megaphone he used to shriek at them before SHE choked him with it first. " Oiy, Lina-san…I-I can't anymore…I just can't…" Gourry laid upon the set, unwilling to get up again. They'd been up since 4 O'clock in the morning, with one 15 minute break for a SNACK. A SNACK! Can YOU believe that?! " Gourry, just get up so we can get it over with…" Zel piped from the background. Amelia nodded her head slowly, agreeing with the chimera man. " AL RIGHT PEOPLE! FROM THE TOP," he screeched, " I WANT THIS SCENE TO BE…BLAZINGLY FANTASTIC!" Everyone took their places reluctantly, the most reluctant being Lina of course. This was the scene where Lina was supposed to chant the spell to the Giga Slave, after Phibrizzo threatens to get rid of Gourry for good, cracking the crystal of his life essence. Gourry, Amelia, Zel, Martina, and Zangulus got back into their clear blue crystalline molds, as Phibrizzo took his place in front of them. " Wait a minute!" The swordsman stumbled out of his setting, falling next to the short purple haired manzoku. " GOURRY! FOR THE LAST TIME, YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO STAY IN UNTIL YOU'RE CUED TO COME OUT!" " NO! That's not what I was gonna say! Mr. Director, what happens if the Giga Slave really works this time? We've been lucky so far, but I really don't think it'll last…" " NO BEING CAN BE THAT STRONG! …BECAUSE I AM RULER OF ALL!" " THEREFORE, IT 'TIS A FICTIONAL SPELL! GOURRY DEAR, DO YOU KNOW WHAT FICTION IS? REMEMBER WHAT I TOLD YOU?!" The director asked in a sarcastic tone. Gourry put a finger to his lip and thought carefully. " Oh yeah! The idea of me having a successful career in acting!" He smiled, gratefully, obviously missing the put down as the cast face faulted. " Thanks!" *~NOW everyone was ready. " Lina calling the Giga Slave, take 87!" Lina took a step to the right, so that her legs were spread apart just enough. She closed her eyes as the lighting pitch was changed… " Darkness beyond blackest pitch, deeper than the deepest night…King of darkness who shines like gold upon the sea of……" She suddenly opened her eyes, with the most queer look bestowed upon her face. "…Of…" The sorceress stopped what she was doing completely and blinked. " CUT! LINA!?!? "…OF…" WHAT!?" He screamed impatiently at Lina. " KEY-AHS!!!" Gourry screamed, falling once again out of his setting. " OH!" Lina clasped her hands together and faked a big smile. " I remember now! CHAOS! Of CHAOS! Sorry, I guess I'm just a little TOO hungry to get things right today!" She hoped he'd gotten the hint. " You did that on purpose, you witch!! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!" No one noticed Martina's muffled voice or poundings coming from the background setting. And she had just been talking about the hot date she was supposed to go on the same night! What a coincidence! " GET THIS PERFECT AND THEN YOU CAN EAT, NOW GET BACK INTO PLACE, MY SLAYERS, GET BACK INTO PLACE!" he paused a quick moment, and spoke into the megaphone again. " LINA! FIREBALL! NOW!" The voice boomed, then murmured slightly when he saw she was refusing. Instead, he pulled out a zippo lighter, staring at its small flame in awe. " OF ALL THE NERVE!!!" Growled the famished sorceress. What a piss pot! Who does HE think he is?! First denying her food, THEN ordering her around like some wench from the Dark Ages!?!? She moved back from her angry stance, still shaking, to her place on the setting as a terribly crooked smile crept upon her lips. Phibrizzo caught glimpse of the maniacal smile on the short red haired girl's face and felt his heart nearly jump out of his small chest. " Ohhh…shit…" his eyes went wide with fear as sweat droplets rolled down the sides of his face. Phibrizzo knew what was to come next. ( I Guess it's that "once you've known Lina for a day or so" instinct, you know…*Ed.) Lina would certainly give the director what he wanted, Oh yes, she would indeed. " Lina calling the Giga Slave, take 88!" Once again, the lighting pitch was changed, but Lina's eyes were not only open, but…blood shot and um…REALLY…open…(* The author runs like a bitch without looking back, takes a daring leap, and lands behind a big box*) A vicious aura surrounded her while the talismans on her collar bone and wrists shone brightly in sync. " Hey! Mr. Director, are her talismans really supposed to be glowing like that?" " And what about that energy…?" Two of the by-standees quietly whispered to the boy in the big black chair. " This is great!" he replied, rubbing his hands together evilly, grinning ear to ear. " Maybe she'll produce some fire!" " DARKNESS BEYOND BLACKEST PITCH, DEEPER THAN THE DEEPEST NIGHT!!! KING OF DARKNESS WHO SHINES LIKE GOLD UPON THE SEA OF CHAOS!!!" Her voice seemed twisted as she screamed the spell. If I lose control of this spell, it could destroy the world…but right now, I'm choosing FOOD over the ENTIRE WORLD! " I CALL UPON THEE, SWEAR MYSELF TO THEE, LET THE FOOLS WHO STAND BEFORE ME BE DESTROYED! BY THE POWER YOU AND I POSSESS!" There was a magnificent golden light projecting from beneath Lina as energy violently stormed, clashing and snapping, all around her. The rest of the cast darted frightened glances to one another. And before they could make a run for it… " *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* " So, explain to me what happened?" Lina barely managed to say while stuffing her face full of all the food she had been restricted from an hour or so earlier. " The Giga Slave worked, I guess…" Gourry sniffed, " But I STILL say that you, Lina, are worse than the Lord of Nightmares." " The Giga Slave worked? You mean, " Be really pissed, hold the stance, say the spell," and it works?" " Exactly! The director really took a beating from the Lord of Nightmares! Poor sap…" Zel leaned back in his chair, watching Lina devour his small share of the PILE of food. " What…exactly…did I do…?" " Miss Lina, you really don't remember, do you?" Lina shook her head at Amelia's question. " The director's dead! You, er, I mean, the Lord of Nightmares totally kicked his ass! Did you guys see what she did?!" The golden haired dunce got up from his seat, awed at the remembrance of what happened. " She practically BLINKED and " Oooh, that's al right! Nobody like Dilandou much anyway!" *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ( MUWAHAHAH! What EVER shall happen next?! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AGAIN! Will Gourry turn into an exploding cow? Will Lina get a paten on "Gaav: Electrical Kitchen Appliances for Bathrooms in the Dining room under the Basement?" Will Shabranigdu EVER return Gaav's calls?! Keep on checking back for more chapters to this story that will probably have NOTHING to do with everything I just mentioned WHAT SO EVER!) ( Eh, Not REALLY funny, but I had to write this just to piss one of my "Dilandou" (from The Vision of Escaflowne,) obsessed friends off. He disillusioned himself, making himself believe that Dilandou is stronger than Lina Inverse is, and I cannot let that slide, on behalf of all Slayers otaku! MUWAHAHAHAHHAHAH!! ) DILANDOU HAS DIED!!! *continues to laugh insanely*