Naruto News Show
By PikaFlash And the News Team
1st Edition
Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and scenes are not.
"Regular Speech"
"Questions from the news desk and voiceovers"
Headlines and Advertisements
"This edition of the Naruto News Show is proudly brought to you by:"
The Itachi Diaries. Find out why Itachi killed his family and torture Sasuke for a cheap price.
NaruWonka's Lame Excuse for a Candy Parody. Bad name but taste decently ok.
And Konoha's Tourism Board. If anyone can find them.
Naruto was at the news desk. "Welcome to the Naruto News Show. I'm Naruto Uzumaki. Our news tonight:"
Dragon Ball celebrates 25 Years with another dumb Spin-Off
Itachi Uchiha appears on Naruto, Pokémon, Dragon Ball GT, One Piece and CardCaptors, to deny that he's addicted to Dubbed Animes
And Orochimaru abandons his plan to take over Sasuke's body in return for American Facial Products
"But now our top story. The Konoha Council is trying to find some way to stop Itachi Uchiha from any publicity interviews for The Itachi Diaries or if indeed, from ever speaking again. If successful, it would stop Itachi from sabotaging any of Orochimaru's chances at becoming the next Hokage. By right, it is Orochimaru's exclusive right to do that to himself. Reporter Shikamaru Nara is outside the Hokage's Administration building. Shikamaru, what's the latest?"
Shikamaru Nara reporting in Konoha
Shikamaru was just outside the admin building in Konoha.
"Well, Naruto, as of this moment, the Hokage is speaking with President Son Goku and Vice-President Vegeta, two people who are stating their cases against Itachi using flying stunts, energy balls and Big Bang Kamehamehas."
"The very same techniques Itachi killed his parents in his head," added Naruto.
"That's right," said Shikamaru.
"And what was Granny Tsunade's reply?" asked Naruto.
"She said that Itachi should be grateful for Konoha, because if it weren't for us, Itachi wouldn't be the man he is now."
"And what did Itachi say?" asked Naruto.
"He said that he will take care of his new family in Akatsuki, before he kills them the same way in his head. Back to you, Naruto."
Back at the Naruto's news desk.
"In other news, Granny Tsunade has revealed new plans to sell Ichiraku's Ramen. Chouji Akimichi is on scene at Ichiraku's. Chouji, how will the citizens of Konoha react to the sale?"
Chouji Akimichi reporting at Ichiraku's
"Well, I have received confirmation that Tsunade has now set the price at 2 ryou per bowl that could be sold at Discount outlets at more crazy prices."
Naruto looks interested. "Wow, cheap Ramen! And how long will this last?"
"Indefinitely," said Chouji.
"And what do people like you think about this sort of prices?" asked Naruto.
"Well, we weren't really sure if this was the work of an old hag or a blonde with big breasts. But it turns out that it was both."
"And what was Granny Tsunade's advice about Ichiraku?" asked Naruto.
"Tsunade's advice is that she wouldn't even think if asking Ichiraku to be her personal chef. Back to you, Naruto."
At the News desk.
"Thank you, Chouji. Now to sport. In England, Harry Potter has been suspended from the Gryffindor Qudditch Team for striking another player. Not by Hogwarts, but by the British Government's anti-terrorism laws. Meanwhile, Hogwarts has announced to bring the Qudditch grand finals to Japan by 2006 to compete with the Fifa World Cup. Headmistress of Hogwarts, McGonagall says that Japanese Anime Characters should also be involved in the game, and not just be part of Crossover Fanfiction. We now cross to our Sports Reporter, Sasuke Uchiha in Tokyo. Sasuke, word has it that Slytherin will play Gryffindor in Tokyo."
Sasuke Uchiha reporting in Tokyo
Sasuke was wearing a green and white Slytherin scarf.
"And as a snake user, I find that absolutely outrageous. If Slytherin ever moves its team to Japan, I will never wear anything white or green ever again."
Naruto nods. "Fair enough. And in Pokémon Battles, the competition is heating up."
Sasuke smiled. "That's right. As more Pokémon Trainers send their beloved pets to their deaths, the competition to have the largest mass Pokémon Grave is larger than ever before. And with good reason. Finding new Pokémon is way cheaper than feeding, bathing and providing medical checkups for them. Back to you, Naruto."
Naruto looks at the camera. "And that's all we have for the Naruto News Show. Tune in to our show next time, where we will look at:"
Ero-Sennin's new plans for the next Icha Icha series
How Orochimaru was able to charge his victims medical bills for his experiments
And how much Granny Tsunade is willing to pay for your winning Lottery Ticket