I've been twisting and turning in a space that's too small
I've been drawing the line and watching it fall
You've been closing me in , closing the space in my heart
Watching us fading and watching it all fall apart
It took the blaring squawk of the secondary alarm to rouse the man from his restless sleep. His arm reached across the empty half of the bed to press the snooze button. Glancing to the window, he could see rain hitting the window. Well if that didn't mirror the feelings in his chest he didn't know what could. Standing up, wearily, he ran a hand through his hair and padded into the kitchen.
And damn it he was opening the wrong cupboard again. And it just reminded him that she was gone. He had known this feeling before. In fact it was this feeling that had screwed things up for him again. He ran his fingers through his blonde hair once again, and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes as he moved to prepare a much smaller pot of coffee than he had the week before.
He trudged to the bathroom, and found a clean towel in the cabinet beneath the sink. Some of her makeup was still there. He gathered it up and placed it on the counter. She would be back to get the rest of her things at some point, whether he was present or not. Hell, if it was him, he would never come back. If he put a lot of thought into it, Andy was his rebound. He hadn't had a relationship since the blonde woman had left him, and she left a hole in his heart a mile wide.
Somehow, even though Luke had wanted to love Andy so much more, Jo had somehow eclipsed that by stepping back into his life unexpectedly. And somehow he thought if he could just get her out of his system, he would be fine. And now he had ruined everything, because she had ruined him.
You pulled me under so I had to give in
Such a beautiful mess that's breaking my skin
Well I'll hide all the bruises; I'll hide all the damage that's done
But I show how I'm feeling until all the feeling has gone
It wasn't that he didn't love Andy. He did. Very much. He would have married her and lived a satisfying life with her. He was convinced that she would have been happy with him. He had never been so unstable, though, as he was with her. He understood her abandonment issues, he had them too. He was an orphan. And it was as though in her he could fix himself, because she had already shown the strength to fix herself.
Well, I can't explain why it's not enough
Cause I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It's the better thing to do
But, fuck! He was a mess. Stepping into the shower he saw the remnants of her shampoo bottle on the rack. He grabbed it, flung open the shower door and threw it into the trash. He finished his shower quickly, and went about getting dressed, not bothering to comb his hair. Andy had ruined him, too. He filled a travel mug with coffee and made his way into work, thanking whatever higher power that this was her vacation day, something about signing a mortgage. He didn't think he could face her today with the rain. Because clearly she had moved onto acceptance… he was still in depression, or anger, or some other grief tactic… still unable to heal the cracks.
It's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore
The pieces don't fit anymore
Because he had ruined the everything, she had ruined him.
Just a collection of one-shots. Not necessarily connected. Please review. It gives me a reason to continue writing.