Welcome (again) to The Brittana Fandom's Jolly Holiday Smut-tacular!

This piece here will be the first of two total entries of mine for Swinging Cloud's brilliant holiday smut project.

If you haven't already checked out BetTheDuckisInTheHat's story for the project titled "The Werewolf and the Witch: Holiday Edition" I recommend it. It's a beautiful and adorable Brittana Christmas story. And don't forget to check out the #HOLYSMU tag on Tumblr or mine (lonegambit) or Cloud's (xandylytex) page for more smutty holiday Brittana stories!

Hope you enjoy!

Part 1: Remembering the Past

I'm more thankful than ever to be out of the frigid New York cold as I stumble into the loft that dear Hummelberry somehow managed to procure in the Bushwick, New York area. I don't know how they actually managed to do it, but the loft is big, and dry, and warm so I'm going to put my innate desires to figure that out on hold for a second.

At least until I can clear my head and relax in a nice bath, maybe attempt to dispel the other holiday thoughts that are racing around in my mind.

Like the fact that it's close to Christmas and instead of spending it in Lima with Brittany like I always have, like I really want to, I've blown half the money my mami gave me, to follow my dreams, on clothes and gifts and high tailed it to New York City to avoid all previously partaken Christmas traditions at all costs.

After all, what's left of traditions if I don't have the one girl in the world that I'm meant to partake in them with?

I told that little girl at Santa's house in the mall, the one that looked just like a little Brittany S. Pierce, that the reason I was there was because my girlfriend had dumped me. Even if I know that's not the truth. I was too scared to stay and fight for Brittany, and I thought I was doing the right thing by letting her go, but now the only thing I feel is absolutely wrong.

Not to mention the fact that there's a hole the size of the North Pole gaping from my bleeding heart.

It's been two months since I spoke those damn words "This isn't an official break-up" and I chose to sing a love song to the girl of my dreams, moments before I confirmed that what we had wasn't working out and we couldn't be together. It's been three weeks since I last saw her face and even then it still held the same sadness that I'd seen on that last day in the choir room.

And that's the last thing that I ever wanted for Brittany.

I toss my Santa hat off towards the sofa area and start to slip out of the rest of my sexy green elf costume, discarding the pieces randomly around the loft as I make my way towards the bathroom. A bubble bath and a glass of wine sure sounds like it could do wonders for my broken heart right now. There's nothing else for me to do, and I'm certainly not in the holiday spirit.

It's night's like this, when the snow is falling is big bright colored snowflakes, littering the streets with sentimental holiday value and invoking that white Christmas spirit that always reminds me of times back in Lima. How on a night like tonight, Brittany and I would be curled up on her couch in the den, sipping hot chocolate and watching the beginning sequence of It's a Wonderful Life.

It's a classic for sure, over 60 years our senior, but Brittany always held a soft spot for it, and even though it'd be a sparse thing for me to admit it, I enjoyed it to. Especially the way that Brittany would light up as she watched George Bailey run through the details of his life. Learning from his past and present on how him being in the world, and touching everyone that he met, was truly a gift to the small town of Bedford Falls.

There's just something so ironic about the fact that I'm somewhere in New York, where the fictional town was located, and Brittany isn't here to share that with me.

The water is set, the bubbles are ready, and the wine is poured.

I try to avoid glancing at my phone. I don't know if I could handle not seeing a text from Brittany, and I don't know if I could handle it either. I set an alarm on my phone, programming it to a bell ring for when my soaking period is up, just in case I fall asleep or time slips away for…other reasons, before I slide into the water.

It's not very long before I feel my eyelids drooping closed thanks to the wonderful warmth of the water. Sadly a loud knocking on the loft door interrupts my brief moment of bliss and forgetfulness and my eyes find themselves being wrenched open and peeved.

I wait and listen, hoping the knocking will go away but instead it builds in crescendo until I can't take it anymore. I stand from the tub and slosh out of it, taking a moment to wrap a robe around me before I literally stomp my way the distance from the bathroom to the door.

Whoever's on the other end is about to face the wrath of a seriously pissed off Snix.

Wrenching the door open I'm dead set on giving the assholes who've been knocking a piece of my mind when I find that no one is there. Or at least that's what I think. As it turns out, they're just not at my height level.

"Hello."

A voice beckons my eyes to tilt down and immediately go wide when I spot a little blonde girl standing before me. For a second my heart flips in recognition, before I realize how crazy I must be for actually think a young Brittany S. Pierce is really standing on my figurative doorstep.

It's more than likely the little girl from the mall has somehow randomly stalked me. I'm about to ask if she's lost when it happens.

She giggles and my mind reels at the possibilities. That giggle is an exact copy of the one I can distinctly remember coming out of Brittany's mouth when we were younger.

Then something else happens.

The little girl circles her pinkie finger around my own and tugs on it.

"Come on San, we don't want to be late!" her voice holds that same bright enthusiasm that has never faltered in Brittany. Even the light contact on my finger gives me a jolt of familiarity and before I know it I'm being tugged into the hallway.

I follow for a few steps without a care, until I realize that I'm am far too underdressed to be going anywhere outside of the loft, let alone outside in the cold.

"Wait!" I exclaim and the little girl's grip slips from my own and she stares up at me from a few feet away.

That's when I realize, quite shockingly, that I am in fact already dressed in a set of my very comfortable, and extremely warm and cozy, winter clothes.

Now when the hell did that happen? And what the McKinley Cheerios is going on?

I'm having more of an internal panic than Sue did when someone, not naming names-Quinn, misplaced her prized iron tablets.

A giggle down the hall draws me back to reality and I look up to find a blonde head of hair disappearing through the door to the stairwell.

"Hey! Wait!"

I quickly run after her and reach the door not giving it a second thought as I wrench it open and dive through. I'm hoping that I haven't lost the little girl I feel somewhat responsible for, and who I'd really like to know a little more about.

But if I thought what happened thirty seconds ago was strange, then I just stepped into the Twilight Zone.

Before me instead of a stairwell, I am suddenly standing outside of my childhood home. The one my parents lived in before we moved to the other side of the neighborhood to be closer to my abuela's house. The one that was that was only across the street and two houses down from the Pierce's.

From Brittany's house.

And low and behold only a few short steps away is the little girl that showed up at the loft doorstep back in New York City, looking more than ever the picture of a young Brittany S. Pierce, a seven-year-old Brittany to be precise.

I would remember because it was the same year that we really became the best of friends, inseparable from each other from one particular moment on.

I take slow steps towards her, afraid she might bolt again, but she remains where she's standing even going as far as giving me a patented Brittany giggle when I get within reaching range.

"Are you…?" I trail off but still she nods as if she knows what I'm talking about, "How did we get here? What's going on?"

Young Brittany simply offers me a smile and holds her pinkie out again, "Come on San, we don't want to be late." She tells me before tugging on my hand so we can cross the light snow dusted road.

We get closer to the house that I distinctly remember as the Pierce's due to the brightly colored yellow paint that litters the exterior and the even quirkier colored periwinkle blue door. It's hard to forget a house like. The closer we get, the more and more I feel so surreal about the whole situation.

Something in the back of my mind tells me that this is way more than just formally familiar. This is some heavy memory type stuff, but I haven't figured out the point of it all yet.

I don't have to wait long for my answer.

"Do you remember?" little Brittany inquires as we come to a stop on the edge of her parent's driveway. I glance down and see that same curious twinkling blue that I will never ever forget in all of my life looking up at me.

I swallow and open my mouth to reply but other voices cut me off.

"What do you think you're doing out here Pierce?"

"Yeah, aren't your parents afraid you won't know how to get back home."

I haven't heard these particular voices in ages, but I'd recognize them anywhere. Swirling around I find a seven-year-old Noah Puckerman and an eight-year-old Finn Hudson walking our way.

I'm about to utter a retort, willing myself to say something that's at least marginally appropriate for a seven-year-old to hear when yet another voice speaks up from behind me.

"Why doncha mind your own business, she can do whatever she wants."

I'm not exactly shocked to be looking at my seven-year-old self but it's definitely a bizarre occurrence. I'd forgotten that a little over five months before this particular moment, my parents had relocated us from Nevada to Lima.

I'd met Brittany S. Pierce the second day I was in town, and we'd quickly become friends when we realized we lived close to each other.

"What're you gonna do about it Lopez?"

What I did about it was throw a heavily packed snowball to his face before proceeding to kick him and Finn in the shins and laugh as they stumbled away whining and threatening to tell their mom's on me. It was the last time either of them bothered Brittany for the rest of winter break.

Watching it all happen again doesn't make it any less funny.

When I turn back to my younger self and young Brittany, I'm reminded why from that day forward I always promised to protect her, the girl that would be my best friend and eventually turn into the love of my life.

Even back then she had me captivated with her sparkling blue eyes and soft pink lips, especially from the moment she pressed them against my cold painted cheek in thank you. Despite the below freezing temperature surrounding us, my cheeks flushed a burning hot red the second her lips pressed against them.

"Thank you San," I watch young Brittany say to young me as I intensely avoid eye contact with her, intimidated around her for reasons I didn't know why then but which are painfully clear to me now. That was the day that I really started to fall for Brittany Pierce.

I watch, as my younger self remains frozen and unsure of what to do.

I'm again thankful that Brittany's always had a knack for reading my reactions because she slips her glove clad pinkie around my own and squeezes lightly, instantly vanquishing my nerves. "I was going to build a unicorn snowman, would you like to help?"

It takes a few moments but younger me ends up beaming and nodding in agreement and soon enough we're building unicorn snowmen.

I'm beginning to feel like I'm intruding when young Brittany suddenly glances up from her task and looks in my direction, she's only talking loud enough for younger me to hear but I already know what she's saying.

"You're my best friend Santana."

And I know what young me replies with, "You're mine too Brittany. I'll never leave you and I'll always protect you."

That's when something disturbing hits me.

I was always there for Brittany, until the timeI wasn't.

Until the time that I left her, and even though I know that she wanted me to follow my dreams a part of me always knew that she'd always hoped she was a part of them. She always was, she always has been. I just don't know how to get her to believe that.

I turn away from the scene in front of me, upset with myself for ever letting Brittany down like that and am surprised to come face to face with Dave Karofsky.

"You didn't leave her Santana, not really."

I blink once, unsure of if I heard his words right. He chuckles slightly and nods.

"Yes I know what you're thinking but it's not the truth."

How can it not be though? And besides what could he possibly know about it?

"But I did, she said so." I tell him, still unsure of why he's standing before me, or rather how he got here in this little Twilight Zone bubble. "I left her. I told her I never would and I left her. And now all I can think about is what if she doesn't love me anymore?"

Dave takes a step forward and uncharacteristically pats me on the back, "It's not about you leaving her Santana, and I'm more than certain that she knows just how much you love her."

"But how? She wanted me back and I…I told her no. Not because I didn't want her back but because I thought that we wouldn't be able to handle the distance. Now she's probably forgotten all about that, and I don't blame her."

"She hasn't. Do you want to know how I know that?"

I manage to glance up at Dave, my old beard of a boyfriend, and find him smiling. Slowly I nod and he bobs his head in return before he holds out what looks like a white cotton T-shirt.

As I take it in my hands he motions for me to follow after him as he walks towards the periwinkle blue door of the Pierce house, "Come on then, I'll show you."

I shouldn't be surprised that when he opens the door and I follow through we suddenly end up somewhere very different from where we were before. It also doesn't surprise me that the place we end up in is a hallway of McKinley High. I'm about to ask what the hell we're doing here when the voice that I cherish most in the world suddenly calls out from down the hall.

"San wait!"

For a second when I turn to find an older, junior year, Brittany staring in my direction, I think that somehow this weird Twilight Zone spell I'm under has disappeared and she can see me, until my own seventeen-year-old self speaks up from somewhere behind me.

"I'm sorry Britt, I didn't…I'm sorry." I hear myself say, my eyes casting to the tiled floor as Brittany jogs in my direction.

"Don't worry, they can't see us." Dave whispers to me in reassurance and I'm partially glad because I remember this moment and it feels awkward being here spying on it even though I was half of the party involved when it actually happened. At the same time though, I'm glad I get to re watch the moment.

It was right after Glee Club's Born This Way performance, when Brittany had told me precisely that 'obviously I didn't love me as much as she did or else I'd put the shirt on and dance with her'.

I'd shown up at Glee club's performance, wearing the Lebanese shirt that Brittany had made me, but hadn't participated in the dancing/singing extravaganza and felt even worse about how I'd left things with Brittany. I slumped out into the hall to try and get away from that feeling.

I hadn't realized she'd not only seen me watch the performance but she followed after me into the hallway. When she caught up to me she engulfed me in a warm Brittany hug, tucking my face into the crook of her neck. In that moment I vowed that I'd let my insecurities go, if only for a day or so, and be the person I knew Brittany truly deserved.

I watch Brittany pull back from the hug, beaming down at junior year me, and my own heart flips in a wonderful sensation upon seeing that look on her face again. She leans in and presses her soft lips to the skin of my cheek, and even now I have a hard time understanding how someone like me was so lucky to find someone like Brittany.

I'm not saying she's perfect, but she's always been the only one that could absolutely appreciate everything wrong about me and tell me how right she thought I was. Then again, I can't remember anyone else ever looking at Brittany the way I still do and telling her how much of a genius she truly is.

"It's okay San," Brittany says as she pulls back from junior year me, her thumb brushing across the skin that her lips just touched, "I'm just glad that you're here."

Both past me and present me smile our brightest smile at Brittany's words, the one reserved for only her.

"I couldn't not be here Brittany, I'm just so sorry that I didn't get to dance with you."

She smiles back at me, her lips angling in to brush this time against the corner of my mouth, I can still feel the touch even if present me isn't the one receiving it, "We can still dance together, if you want to."

This time at Brittany's words, my heart rate picks up in a slight panic and my eyes widen because I know precisely what happens next between Brittany and I and I definitely don't want Dave witnessing that.

"Don't worry Santana, we're not going to watch that memory happen." I suddenly hear him speaking up to me from the left, and I glance over and watch him give me a slight smirk and eye roll, "You know I'm not interested in witnessing what happens between the two of you behind closed doors, that's not my purpose here."

I quirk an eyebrow, "What exactly is your purpose here then? Actually, better yet, what the hell is exactly going on here? This whole thing is crazy. Am I in a weird hallucinogen laced dream because I don't remember taking anything for that."

Dave shakes his head, "You're not hallucinating, but I can't really tell you if this is a dream or not. These are your real memories. Things that really happened to you."

"But you weren't a part of them," I state the obvious, "oh shit, you're not dead are you?"

He chuckles and shakes his head again, "I'm not dead Santana and I wasn't a part of specific memories but I was a small part of this moment in yours and Brittany's lives and I'm here to help you remember why it's so important to you. Why she's so important to you."

Before I can even formulate a response, the world around me is fading into a hazy blur and suddenly the lockers of McKinley are being replaced with the dark retro ambiance of my old high school room. I glance towards my sofa in the corner and observe what it is Dave probably wants me to remember about this particular moment in time.

There sitting on the sofa is junior year me, dressed in (thank God) a tank top and a pair of shorts with Brittany draped across the rest of the sofa her head resting in my lap, dressed much the same as me, as my fingers stroke through her hair. This is several hours after Brittany and I came back to my place to 'dance' together.

I remember she requested to watch an episode of One Tree Hill with me before she had to go home, mostly because that was something the boy who we don't speak of (rhymes with Larty) didn't enjoy doing with her.

Of course I was hopeless to deny Brittany's requests. She's always made my knees weak and my heart stutter. I've always been completely whipped in regards to her, and I really can't care to give a rip about that.

"I'm so happy that you're not mad at me San." I hear Brittany whisper, tilting her cheek further into my lap as her eyes remain closed. From my present position behind the sofa, I can see the way my past self's arm moves back and forth as I graze my fingers through blonde locks.

I instantly remember precisely what I said next and I have a feeling it's what Dave was referring to.

"Why would I ever be mad at you Britt-Britt? You didn't do anything wrong and I still...I'm still in love with you and I will always remind you of how amazing you are."

I remember Brittany's eyes lit up like fireflies, practically glowing in their translucent blue, at my words. It was only the second time I'd uttered those words out loud to her, but they were still as meaningful as the first time.

And it makes me remember the thing I held most dear about that night.

I've never forgotten why Brittany's so important to me but somewhere along the way I forgot just how much us actively being in the other's life meant to both of us. Brittany was my rock and reason for understanding who I really am. Her love and patience was what eventually helped me be comfortable with myself as well as with my sexuality.

And in turn, the way that I was a constant in reassuring her of her genius, and encouraging her to never hold back her unique way of thinking, was what allowed Brittany to have the strength to stand up for herself until mean words were just words and she really knew the truth of what I'd been telling her all along.

I know this to be true because two days after our 'dance' night, and emotional conversation, rhymes with Larty took it upon himself to call her stupid, which led to their inevitable break up. Even though I still had a few months to go before I'd be completely comfortable being open with Brittany, the moment I witnessed tonight between junior year Brittany and I was the main fuel to my acceptance fire.

As past Brittany leans in to kiss past me on the lips a smile covers my face and I glance to Dave at my left noticing him making his way out of my room. We proceed to exit my house before he turns around and addresses me again.

"Do you remember now, what you mean to her?" he asks and I nod because really I do.

"Good, then there's just one more thing left for you to see." Another voice filters in from the right of Dave and I and when I turn to look at the person approaching, my eyes widen.

Sugar Motta strides towards us dressed in her custom outfit of over the top flashy clothes, but it's the little someone who walks in step behind her that really makes me raise an eyebrow.

"Sugar?"

She nods to me with a smile before glancing over her shoulder to a small boy standing behind her and inclines her head towards him. I watch in awe as the boy shuffles around from behind her, almost gasping when he glances up to my face with eyes the same color as my own. His skin is lighter than mine, and his hair is bordering dirty blonde, but those eyes are unmistakably the same shade as my own.

"Santana, this is Nolan." Sugar says and the little boy glances up at me with a timid smile, "I just found him wandering around in the neighborhood looking lost and I asked him who he was looking for. He told me Santana Lopez-"

I don't hear the rest of Sugar's sentence because the small boy has suddenly attached himself to my leg. My eyes widen further at the brash display of affection that I am very much unaccustomed to.

"Uhh okay, thanks I guess," I start to say glancing down at the boy who looks up at me with a smile. I return my gaze to Sugar and just barely whisper, "I don't think I know him. Maybe he's my cousin's kid or something?"

Sugar shrugs, "Whatever, he's not mine and I did my civic duty so…goodbye." And with that she turns around and walks away. I'm left standing in a major bout of confusion before I remember there's someone that might be able to supply me with an answer to what's going on.

Not like I haven't already wondered that a bunch of times.

"Hey Dave do you…" I trail off when I realize that the person I'm searching for behind me is nowhere in sight, in fact, no one is.

There's a tugging sensation on the hem of my shirt and I meet brown eyes again, "We go home now?"

I blink at the little boy, "Yeah, sure…uh what's your name?"

"Nolan Lopez….umm Nolan Pierce!" He exclaims with a beaming smile that reminds me very much of Brittany's and my eyes bug again.

Did he just say the names Lopez and Pierce?

"Okay, do you know where you live?" he nods. "Okay, how about I just walk with you there?" another nod accompanies my question before a small tan pinkie is suddenly wrapping itself around my own.

A few seconds later and he's tugging me down the street and I'm thrown off a little by the fact that I have no idea where we are, but I definitely know we aren't in Lima anymore.

Strangely the area reminds me a lot of Bedford Falls. It's homey and suburban but still has that city feel to it. For some reason, I'm very much thinking that I'm in New York City.

I look down at the little boy determinedly striding forward with my pinkie in his grasp, "Hey Nolan. What neighborhood is this?" I inquire.

Without skipping a beat or even turning around as he trudges through the snow he calls back, "Ridge'ood, New Yor'."

Well damn.

Our pace is slowed and I realize that Nolan has stopped in front of a moderately sized family home. There appears to be a two-car garage attached to the two-story house that is painted in a tasteful light russet.

"Is this your home Nolan?"

He looks back at me before he smiles, then simultaneously rolls his eyes. It's a sight that turns out to be an odd and slightly frightening occurrence. He continues up the driveway path and down the little path that leads to the door, reaching out to turn the knob and immediately stepping through, me still being towed behind him.

As I enter the house my senses are bombarded with a familiarity that also seems rather foreign. It's as though I know what it is but I can't quite place it. I watch as Nolan releases my pinkie for a second to shrug off his shoes and coat, a feat I assist him with before doing so with me own shoes and coat at his insistence.

When I'm finished he grabs my pinkie again and tugs me in the direction of a hallway until we enter into a big living room area with a fireplace in the corner and modern décor tastefully placed all around. There's a large Noble Fir Christmas tree perched in the center of the room and a woman bent over at the side of it.

I try hard not to stare, really I do, but this woman's backside is one of the finest I've ever seen. It'd be a shame not to appreciate it. But as she goes to stand up I quickly avert my eyes elsewhere preparing to explain how her little boy essentially ended up in my care for a few brief moments.

"Oh good Nolan you found her," a voice calls from the direction of the woman and my eyes instantly snap that way as my mind recognizes it. Though the tone is more mature and the timbre lighter, I could never not recognize that voice.

Before I know it, I'm gazing into a pair of sparkling blue eyes and admiring a warm genuine smile.

Brittany.

Even if she's slightly older in appearance.

Wisps of blonde hair fall and cover her pale forehead, and wow she looks amazing. It's only seconds before I'm wrapped into a hug and I feel her soft lips tingle against the skin of my cheek.

"I was worried about you out there in the cold." She tells me, her palm sliding down to cup my cheek. I feel cold metal against my skin and I suck in a sharp breath, reaching up to grab her hand and pulling it into my line of sight. There's a giant rock and platinum band on Brittany's ring finger.

"You're married?" my heart almost plummets at the thought. Why would I be witness to this memory? Are we best friends who hang out with each other and a kid that looks eerily similar to a smaller version of a male me all the time but we're married to other people or –

My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of a giggling Brittany and my eyes lift from their focus on the ground to meet hers.

"Of course I'm married silly," she tells me, her arms wrapping around my waist, "I married the best woman in the whole world, and she apparently gets younger and hotter everyday."

She married a girl? Well way to rub it in future ghost person! What the hell is going on?

"So you're not Brittany Pierce anymore?"

Brittany's eyes slant in suspicion towards me as she pulls back slightly, "Did you fall and hit your head?" she asks concerned, her palm touching my forehead.

I shake my head, though it's possible something like that happened considering the very strange things that have been happening to me. She still eyes me skeptically but leans in to brush our noses together.

Any air that was in my lungs comes rushing out.

"I'm still Brittany Pierce," she starts to tell me before I feel her lips ghost across the corner of my mouth, "I'm just Brittany Lopez-Pierce now."

What's passing out feel like?

/

That's what I got…so far! The next piece should be up in probably the next eight or so hours (whenever I wake up and post it.)

And in case you didn't know, or you were just curious, I based this story loosely off of the events in A Christmas Carol and It's a Wonderful Life because they are great stories and it's important to remember that you are all special to someone out there, always. If you're feeling alone during this holiday season feel free to reach out to me to chat, I'll share some holiday cheer with you!

Happy holidays and Merry Christmas to everyone out there!