More Things Ianto Jones has Learned at Torchwood 3

by Solsbury Girl

Fluffy?" Owen might say so. "Observant?" Ianto might say so. "Salacious?" That would be Jack - who else?

More Things Ianto has Learned Working at Torchwood Cardiff

Deetatarant - this is for you because every RG vote counts!

There are things Ianto Jones has learned. Some of them are things he knew long before he came to Torchwood Cardiff. Some he has learned by watching his Cardiff colleagues. His colleagues are a rich source of information. And entertainment. Mainly entertainment.

* Do not heat ravioli in the microwave in either a plastic disposable bowl (Gwen) or, especially, in the tin itself (Owen).

* Do not leave your 83% cocoa solid chocolate on a desk unless it is intended as a gift for the pteradon (Tosh).

* Turkey mince can still be used:
- when it is 12 hours beyond its 'best before' date (Ianto).
- when it is a week out-of-date (Rhys).

* Turkey mince should not be used when it is one month out-of-date (Owen, who ought really to have known better, having done it the previous Christmas too).

* 51st Century pheromones ignite safety matches that are used as toothpicks (Jack - who else).

* 51st Century pheromones also ignite someone else in the team (Ianto).

* Christmastree-shaped, pine-scented, air-fresheners dangled from the SUV's rear view mirror (Gwen):
- are so not cool (Jack)
- give some people migraines that last for three days (Ianto)
- require a devoted and caring doctor (Name Unknown). He'd had to go to the "Walk in" surgery at Boots the Chemists on Queen Street for treatment.

* Mobile phones withstand at least two tumbles into the same glass of Chardonnay (Gwen, New Year's Eve).

* Mobile phones that have withstood two tumbles into the same glass of Chardonnay should not - and cannot - be dried out using the kitchen blow torch (Owen, New Year's Eve).

* The kitchen blow torch should be reserved for the brulee part of crème brulee and has, consequently, been locked in the armoury (Ianto, New Year's Day).

* Mobile phones cannot be licked clean after a fall in a pot of stratacelli yogurt (Jack). The flavour is irrelevant (Ianto). But the licking is highly erotic (Ianto and Jack).

* A post-it note sellotaped underneath your keyboard is not the best place to keep your top secret password (Jack, Tosh, Gwen, Owen) but it does make dealings in the Hub more transparent for other people (Ianto).

* The in-house heating clearly needs attention when a colleague ostentatiously starts ice-fishing in the stream that runs through the middle of the Hub and actually catches a carp, much to their mutual surprise (Owen, and the carp).

* The new heating in the Hub clearly needs turning down when a colleague starts muttering about being too hot and takes off all his clothes in the middle of a meeting (Jack - who else).

* There is one very juvenile thing you can do with a combination of a tape measure and a stopwatch (Jack – who else).

* The juvenile thing you can do with the tape measure and stopwatch can provide hours of sticky pleasure (Jack and Ianto).

But the most important thing that Ianto has learned is that every one of his colleagues would lay their own life down to save another without blinking an eye, without a second thought, without a regret. And Ianto would lay his down for any of them at any time. And one of Torchwood Cardiff had frequently given his life to save the others (Jack – who else).