Don't Trust A Ho

I hate how this kid is so irresistibly pretty. I hate how I don't fucking care who catches me staring anymore.
I hate how I want to comb my fingers through his soft and messy blond hair. I hate how I want to cup my hands around his beautifully defined cheeks and jaw line. I hate how pink his lips are even though he smokes as much as I do. I hate how straight his teeth are, especially when compared to my crooked ones covered in metal. I hate how clear and focused his blue eyes are… focused… foc- FUCK!

I blink rapidly and close my mouth, pursing my lips into the unreadable pout I always wore. I hadn't realized that it was open. I flip him off as a cover up since he caught me… again. He stares right at me and smiles, showing off his nice teeth. Then he winks. Shit. What could he be thinking?

/\/\/\

It's lunch time and I take a seat on the bench next to Clyde with my other friends Token, Tweek and Kevin on the opposite side of the table.

"Ahh! My tangerine squirted juice in my eye… Evil tangerine," Kevin says, shutting his eyes and wiping at them with his sleeves.

"Hahahah!" Clyde and Token laugh in unison.

"A-Ahh! Are you okay, gah! Kevin?" says Tweek as his usual twitchy self.

"Mhm.. I'm alright, Tweek," Kevin assures him.

I'm barely paying attention to their conversation because goddamn it, I can't stop glancing back at him. Just as I finally look down to take a bite of my sandwich, I see a blur of orange out of the corner of my eye. I half expected him to be there but I had really hoped he wouldn't be. I turn my head to the side, still chewing.

Cartman, Kyle and Stan are standing there with furious looks on their faces as they glare at me. Typical assholes.

"Hey, Tucker," the boy in the orange parka says to me.

I swallow slowly before saying, "McCormick." Man am I nervous inside. My heart beats faster, my stomach churns a bit and my mind quickly flits through all the possible things I could say. I may not look it, but I might just be the most awkward kid around here. I don't really know how to socialize around a lot of people. They confuse me.
One time before school started, Clyde was in the bathroom and he told me that I didn't have to wait for him, so I headed off to class with nothing better to do. After wards, he threw this tantrum about how he wanted me to wait for him even though he said I didn't have to. Apparently he was being polite, or so he said. I wanted to say sorry but what actually came out was, "Shit, Clyde, be a man. What kind of guy waits for another guy to get out of the bathroom?" Then he threw his half-eaten, sour cream-covered taco at me. In the end, I still didn't understand what Clyde had been going on about; it was just a trip to the bathroom, after all.

"Kenny, why are you talking to Craig again?" Kyle asks.

"Yeah, Kinny. Don't waste yuh time with brace-face, " Cartman snickers.

"He's already ruined yesterday, Kenny." Stan frowns and then his stomach grumbles and he quickly looks away, embarrassed.
Yesterday, after pestering me for about 5 minutes, Kenny dragged me with him to the skate park. I only agreed in the end because he said that Cartman would bring pepperoni pizza. Kenny also mentioned that he was going to wear shorts for once. Those legs… I-I mean not that that was what convinced me to go. Boy, were those three pissed to see me. At the park, they purposefully left Kenny behind when he was waiting for me to tie up my skates. What dickheads, seriously. Anyways, Kenny had brought a skateboard. I told him that it looked pretty fucking lame being a beat up hand-me down with no intelligible design. He just chuckled at my comment and then helped me stand up. I wouldn't have minded just skating around with Kenny to be honest, but we had to catch up with the others if we wanted any pizza.

I flip them all off with my free hand and glare back. I could hear them growl a little bit before Kenny says to them, "You guys can just go ahead, y'know." Then he turns back smiles at me.

"Leave me alone, McCormick," I threaten.

The three other guys glance at each other, shrug and walk to their table. Kenny continues smiling and says, "Don't mind them."

I ask, "What do you want, dude?"

He grins again. "I caught you."

Damn. I should have known. I should have known he'd bring it up, that jerk. "…So what?" My friends watch with questioning looks on their faces as the tension between Kenny and me rises.

"You know very well what, Tucker dear~ Now, come with me to the roof. Or I'll tell your frie-"

I quickly stand up and glare at him. I look back at my friends and give them a calm look and shake my head a little to say, "Don't ask." They seem to get the message as they all simply nod and continue on with their previous conversation.

I walk out into the empty and quiet hallway with Kenny striding right next to me. He moves closer to me despite my glaring that could shoot icy blue lasers through his pretty head. He slinks his pinky around mine. He makes my lasers shut off by a mere touch. I think only Kenny could do that to me.
I blush and clear my throat, but he doesn't let go. I look at him and see a faint blush on his cheeks too as we walk in silence up to the roof, pinky in pinky.

/\/\/\

Kenny throws his arms around me and whines, "Craig, why do you have to act like you hate me?"

I sigh as I try to pry his arms off of me as I reply, "Who the hell says that I have to act like I love you?"

"But you do." I hate how he says it like he's so sure of it. I hate more that he's fucking right. "Why else would you let me hold your pinky like that?" He smiles happily and waves his pinky around in my face and I nearly blush at the memory of the walk up here.

"Hmph. That doesn't mean I also can't hate you." I push him off of me and walk to the railing. I love looking down on the all the idiotic people on the streets.

"You know what you said made no fucking sense at all, right?" he asks. He walks over and stands on my left, looking at me with confused, furrowed eyebrows.

I hate how cute he looks when he does that. It's fucking adorable. I won't tell him that, though. "It sure makes a lot of fucking sense to me."

"Wha-… Fuck you Craig!"

I look at him and raise one questioning eyebrow at his outburst. His eyes are no longer sparkling in the sunlight. They're shadowed by his brow, furrowed in the middle and angry.

"What is it, Kenny?" I ask him calmly, as if getting angry and swearing at me happens every single day.

His cheeks are fuming with anger. He growls between his clenched teeth, "You're a piece of shit."

I smile and respond, "Damn straight."

"I don't understand! I'm trying to be your friend! Why do you keep pushing me away?"

"Maybe I don't need a friend." I say quietly in contrast to his yelling.

He calms down and looks straight into my eyes, eyebrows now upturned and slightly sad as if he pities me. "Well maybe you don't know what you want."

"Like you do?" It's my turn to get angry.

"I don't, Craig. But I'm trying, don't you see?"

I break my eyes from his and turn towards the sky. "I don't want to be your friend, McCormick."

He doesn't respond to me right away. He takes a step closer to me, reaches over, and grabs both of my shoulders –one in each hand–and turns me around to face him. His expression is a mixture of anger that I'm a stubborn ass, sadness that I rejected his friendship, and confusion about well, basically, me, I guess.

"Then what do you want?" he asks me at a normal volume.

I bite the inside of my lip, slightly furrow my brows in frustration and avert my eyes. I can't tell him. I can't tell him that I want him to be mine. Only mine. I want all of him from head to toes –his luscious hair, his beautiful eyes, his red ears, his kind smile, his dirty smile, his sweet voice, his warm hands, his smooth chest, his slim waist, his- damn. I want him so badly, but he can't know that. Everything that I fucking hate about him. It's not and never will be… mine. Can it?

I switch to biting hard on my right sleeve. I stare straight at his lucid blue eyes and mumble into the crumpled sleeve, "I want you, Kenny McCormick."

His eyes widen for a split second and he leans in closer to me. "Repeat that, Craig Tucker." He reaches for my wrist and pulls it down.

I release my bite on the sleeve and I do as he asks. I say clearly and slowly, "I hate you, Kenny McCormick."

He pauses. "Really?" he questions as his eyes squint and look at me with suspicion. "That's not what I heard. Everyone knows that I'm fluent in the language of mumbling, Craig."

"Shut up, idiot. You just heard what you wanted to hear." I retort.

He starts yelling again. "Will you fucking- Damn it! Stop lying to yourself! What are you afraid of?"

What am I supposed to say? That I've been in love with him since we hit puberty when we were 14? 3 fucking years, man. That's pretty creepy… And sad. What if he doesn't like me back? Aren't I just being a bother to him? He can get all the girls anyway, including Kyle. I doubt he'd be interested in a boring shit like me. He said he wants to be my friend. I mean, I know it'd be pretty freaky if he had straight up said he wanted to be my boyfriend, but what if being friends is all he wants? I won't be able to handle that. I can't handle that. But I don't want him to stop talking to me, either. He finally started to notice me a year ago. I'd feel so lonely. But I'm pretty sure he knows that I like him that way since I did let him hold my pinky. Well, he blushed too... does that mean he might like me back? He did reach for my pinky first… and he wrapped his arms around me first thing once we were alone… Fucking goddamn fuck! I'm so fucking confused!

"I… Kenny… I'm a-af-afr- I'm af-afraid that…"

"What the fuck, dude? You're sounding like Jimmy." The corners of his lips twitch slightly in amusement.

"…" I almost cry from being so frustrated and confused, but I resist. I tug on my ear-flaps and pull my hat down on my head further, a habit I acquired when Kenny first started talking to me more. It usually happens when I get shy or don't know what to say and that would include right now.

He sighs and then frowns, "I give up, Craig. I'm done with this."

Don't say that, Kenny, please. Don't give up on me. I'm trying. I'm getting there. Don't be mad. But I hear myself say, "Well, finally. You're a fucking persistent bastard." No! No, that's not what I wanted to say! Kenn- wait wha-?

Before I am aware of what's happening, my nose breathes in Kenny's scent, my face is cupped in Kenny's hands, and my lips are pressed against Kenny's lips. His eyes are closed as he kisses me and licks my lips gently. He's tiptoeing just a bit. I'll admit that's pretty cute. Wait- Kenny is kissing me? Holy Jesus Christ, dude! My reaction, despite my wants, is to push him away, so I do. Just at arms' length, though.

"Fuck, Kenny! What are you-" I look at him in utter shock, my hand in front of my mouth, but not quite touching it. Kenny's saliva is on my lips. I want to lick them, but he might catch me.

"I like you, Craig." He looks at me, dead serious.

"…" Shit. He's lying, right? He's messing with me, right? I fumble with my ear-flaps and pull them down again.

"Don't know what to say, huh? I find that cute about you, that little habit of yours." He smiles at me. A soft, sweet smile that doesn't show his teeth.

"Uh… what?" I'm completely dumbfounded.

"I noticed that you tug on your flimsy ear-flaps of your hat every time you're quiet in a conversation. I assume you don't know what to say," he replies. He smiles lovingly.

"That's not what I meant, McCormick. You said you liked me, didn't you?"

"I did. Unlike a certain stubborn douche bag I know, I'm admitting it." He grins mischievously.

I flip him off. "Screw you, Kenny."

"Oh, you should have just offered earlier!" His smile is now the widest I've ever seen it go.

"Sh-shit! You know that's not what I meant!" I speak a little louder.

"Then quit beating around the damn bush, Craig!" He sounds angry again.

"Kenny… I… l-li... I lo-lo… y-yuh… FUCK THIS." I grab my head and yell up towards the sky. "Didn't you say you were giving up on me? Why are you making me say weird things?" I question him.

"I never said I was going to give up on you. I just said I was giving up. Giving up on making you say you liked me first." He moves closer to me, puts his hands on my chest and smiles up at me. There's the sparkle in his eyes that appear when he's being honest. He asks me again in a softer voice, "What are you afraid of, Craig?"

By this time, even I am tired of and irritated at my stubbornness and throw all the fucks I give into the wind. "I am afraid… No, I was afraid that you didn't really love me." I seem to have his full attention as he's staring straight into my eyes, ears perked up. I'm finally opening up and it feels fucking great. I take in a deep breath and confess. "But… I love you, Kenny."

His cheeks flare up and there's pure shock left on his face. It takes him a while to respond. "Wh- whoa, man." He chuckles. Another pause. Then he says, "It took you long enough… So tell me more~" His arms are around my neck now and I dare not move them. They feel so right. A feeling that I've wanted to feel for a really long time. His smile and his eyes shine with curiosity as though I were a talking dog.

I decide to tell him more. "You've already gone out with everyone at our school, Kenny. I was afraid that I was just some lame last resort and you were just toying with me." I look away because I don't want to see his expression. "I… didn't want to trust you with my feelings."

He doesn't answer. His body starts to tremble. A giggle escapes from his lips. What the hell? I look back at him and see that he's shaking with laughter. Well, gee. "What's so funny, man? I'm finally telling you how I feel and you're-"

A loud burst of laughter interrupts me. He says, "Craig, you think too much. Not that it's always a bad thing, but I mean too negatively."

I glare at him and mumble, "I get that a lot."

He continues, "Think more positively. Why do you think that none of those relationships lasted more than two weeks?"

I really have no clue where he's going with this. "How is that supposed to be positive?"

"Because… It proves that I didn't really love any of them. They're nowhere close to you, Craig." He pushes his chest into mine and his expression for once, is blank. His skin is relaxed; there are no visible wrinkles whether they're usually from his eyebrows or his smile. His lips are slightly parted and his breath comes out softly. His eyes… are not sparkling, but they are shiny, determined, and focused on mine.

I press my forehead lightly against his and look deeper into his eyes, searching for the truth. "Am I supposed to trust what you say? You might as well have said the same thing to everyone else before me," I whisper.

He whispers back, "Then don't trust me." His lips are so temptingly close that mine are just twitching to feel his against them again.

"… I don't know, Kenny." I whisper, but my voice trembles.

He grunts and then bites my lower lip, tugging on it lightly before speaking through his teeth. "Figure it out quickly, asshole," he says. He suddenly lets go of my lip and quickly presses into me, kissing my lips again. Before I can kiss him back this time though, he pulls away. I look at him with disappointment on my face as he smirks and skips off to the roof's entrance which is also the exit. He turns to look back at me. I'm still standing near the railing with my mouth hanging open, eyebrows tense and mad, and both of my hands unconsciously flipping him off. He grins the mischievous grin and says, "We can still make it in time for sixth period, Tucker!~"

What a goddamn fucking tease.

AN: Hello, this is my first fanfic ever! ; u ; Please review if you can, i need the advice D: I didn't mean for their conversation to go as long as it did... but i think it has a pretty good amount of words c':

Kenny still has some things left unsaid, so if you really want to hear more from this story, please tell me :'D the next chapter if i do make one probably won't be as long though. it might just be some major fluff.

Thanks for reading!
- Bleu