Ruining Childhood Songs

by Alii Wade

So I was listening to some old songs (the type that used to play at school disco's when I was younger). Namely: Fast Food Rockers - Fast Food Song , Crazy Frog - Axel and OutKast - Hey Ya! . After the unwanted flash backs to awkward school disco's my mum forced me to attend, I wrote this... It's a crack, and poking fun of the music my generation had to live through growing up.

Person 1: Which war did you serve in?

Me: I was a part of the 2001's troop... We were one of the first to be sent out into battle, and my god did we see some messed us examples of what humans can do. Some of the other survivors went mad with the enemies war-cry: `ding ding da-ding ding ding ding baahh b-b-b-baahh.` Others, the ones that served longer still mutter the songs the guards used to sing in the prisons, in their sleep: `A pizza-hut, a pizza hut. Kentucky fried chicken and a pizza-hut. MacDonald's, MacDonald's. Kentucky fried chicken and a pizza-hut.`

Person 1: Mother of god. You're a war hero.

Me: I know... If only I could sleep. My memories of the torture keep me awake...

Person 1: What did they do to you?

Me: I was locked in a freezer by two men that called themselves, Outkast. Every time they locked me in they would say: `what's cooler than being cool, ice cold`... They would let me out when I was near death and taunt me by asking: `Alright? Alright? Alight? Alight? Alight?`... I wasn't alone in this. They did the same game with the ladies and the fellas. We never lost our spark though, always responding sarcastically: `Yeah.` They'd lock us back up then. In the beginning there was a birth in the freezer and one of the men picked the baby up and began to shake it while the other told him to: shake it like a polaroid picture. They killed that baby right in front of us as a warning... That they were prepared to kill any of us.