Toasted cheese & Maker's Mark- (Almost) five times Severus Snape didn't want to strangle Fred Weasley

Rating: PG

Note: I tried to write slash, but it turned out as hardly pre-slash. Oh well. I've never really written slash *or* cross-gen, so this is probably the best I could come up with. :P Unbeta'd, so feel free to tell me if I missed anything. For P on her birthday.

1. The first potions class of what turned out to be quite a fateful year.

It was another year of teaching potions- he was bitter, yes, but it was just a small price to pay for his sins- especially compared to what the next few years would bring.

Fred and George Weasley sat in the front row, and they seemed to be decent enough children, at least for Weasleys. Snape wasn't an idiot, though, and he had the clarity of mind to remember the little constellation of freckles above Fred Weasley's left eyebrow- one of the few traits he didn't share with George. Not that it mattered, though, as they would both be Mr. Weasley from then on, just like their brothers before them and Ron after them.

He almost smiled, almost pleased, when Fred answered the first few questions flawlessly as George looked on with an alarming, prideful glint in his eye.

He decided then that Fred was the one to look out for- obviously the brains behind the duo.

2. The fourth time their cauldron exploded in third year.

He wanted to strangle both of them then. Luckily for them, he refrained. He also wanted to kill him that time he found him with Ms. Spinnet and Ms. Johnson in the showers, because they were certainly not just soaping each other down after a hard practice. And that time when half of his students began vomiting simultaneously, and though there were no Weasleys in sight, he knew exactly who to blame.

But this isn't about how many times one or both Weasley twins was nearly murdered. If it was, it'd be a much longer list.

3. As he flew away from Hogwarts with his brother.

But then he felt a subversive stirring of pride in his gut, and a little bit of admiration, and suddenly he was feeling less than charitable towards them (because he is not proud of the Weasleys, with their knobbly knitted socks and pack mentality)- but mostly towards Fred, because he held to the belief that Fred orchestrated it.

He pretended to pretend he couldn't get rid of their swamp. (He kind of wanted to strangle something when he realized he actually couldn't.)

4. That first time Fred came to Order Headquarters without George.

Severus was tired, and almost everyone was away- Kreacher and Fletcher were skulking around somewhere, probably stealing things, and Sirius was out being irresponsible, he imagined. That or sleeping away his misery. Severus couldn't blame him. He lowered himself onto the dusty sofa in the sitting room and stared into the fireplace until Fred Weasley appeared several hours later, holding a paper bag.

"I've got just what you need," he said jovially, and lifted out a bottle. "I'll tell you what, the Muggles know their hard liquor."

Severus pursed his lips at the idea of drinking Muggle liquor, and Weasley seemed to understand his hesitation. He disappeared and was back a few moments later with small glasses full of ice and a golden liquid. The look on his face said Now you can pretend.

A bit condescending, yes, but what pride did he have left anyway?

It may have been a bit of Weasley's rebellion rubbing off on him- drinking that foul Muggle drink in the Black House, of all places, or perhaps the realization that Weasley had been one of his only sources of true amusement for the last several years. Whatever it was, within the hour Severus was chuckling at whatever ridiculous story Weasley was babbling about, feeling lightheaded- an impressive feat for a drinker like Severus- and for once in the last year and a half, not thinking about his own impending death.

After that night, Fred always seemed to know when Severus was there alone, and Severus found himself actually... grateful.

5. When said death was no longer only impending.

"Oh, look, just another thing we have in common," Severus heard, and turned to see Fred Weasley, eating a- was that a toasted cheese sandwich? He frowned.

"You're here? Merlin, boy, what did you do?" he asked. He still wasn't quite sure he knew where 'here' was- only that it wasn't there anymore, there where the Potter boy was probably failing after he worked so bloody hard to keep him alive, there where he really had nothing to hold onto except a debt and guilt. Maybe here wasn't so bad, in comparison.

"You didn't think you'd get away from me that easily, did you?" Fred asked, waggling his eyebrows.

"We really have nothing in common," Severus replied, arching his eyebrow and looking around, as if he really cared where he was now.

"You'll see," Fred nodded. "Being dead is just the beginning."

Severus' shoulders sagged, just a little. "I am thrilled."