Just an angsty one-shot I came up with (for now) after that amazing 100th episode last night. This takes place immediately after Liv goes to the Truman balcony at the end of 6x10. As much as I loved the parallel to 4x22, I noticed on the second or third watch that Fitz doesn't really react when Liv tells him she's in. He doesn't smile like I would have expected, and I think maybe he is disappointed that she even had to think about it.
I don't fully trust Shonda but last night seemed like a pretty clear indication that there may be hope for Olitz eventually, not as a fantasy, as their relationship was in seasons 1-5, but as reality, a real relationship where they have problems and work them out. However, this needs to build up slowly, with them working out their issues before rushing back in like they did at the end of season 4. So this and most of my other fics are designed to be steps toward that. I was actually going to write a fic with part of this conversation taking place at the convention (like a deleted scene from 521), but I am so glad I waited, because the balcony scene at the end of 6x10 is way more perfect for it. Enjoy and please review. Feel free to be honest.
"I'm in," Liv tells Fitz firmly. "I'll do whatever it takes to get Cyrus out of jail and make this right."
He looks her over skeptically for a minute, as if he's trying to make sure she's sincere, which kills her. There was a time when he never would have questioned that she was telling him the truth, that she was on his side. But that was before she gave him so many reasons not to trust her.
After a moment he smiles, happier than he lets on that she decided to do the right thing. His expression saddens when he realizes she is fighting back tears.
"Liv," he says gently. "Look at me."
She resists at first. "Look at me," he prods. Finally she looks up.
"I know this is difficult," he says sympathetically. "I know how much you wanted this. I know how much Mellie wanted this, and you feel like you're letting her down but you're not. Being in this job, having this kind of power with some unknown group holding it over my head that not only did I not earn it, but that my opponents were killed or thrown in jail so I could have that...I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. Certainly not on the mother of my children."
Olivia nods. "I don't think she'll see it that way," she says softly.
"She won't, not at first," Fitz agrees. "But eventually she'll realize that you..."
"Set her free?" Olivia finishes for him.
"Yeah...how did you kn..."
"I know you," Liv says, managing a small smile as she thinks back to what Verna said years ago about how they finish each other's sentences. He smiles back and they share a nice moment until they realize how close they are standing to each other.
"We should..." he says awkwardly.
"Yeah," she agrees and turns to go, just like in the scene where they first met. But then she surprises him and turns back around.
"Fitz?" she says timidly.
"Yeah?"
She hesitates, trying to find the courage to say what she wants to say. In her head, she hears him say "I still want you, Olivia, if you'll still have me," and for a brief second she contemplates saying those same words to him. But she quickly realizes how unfair to him that would be. She has broken his heart too many times and now he is finally moving on. How can she do that to him? Even worse, what if he confirms her fear that he doesn't still want her? He CAN'T still want her, not after everything that has happened between them.
"Liv?" he prompts as she stands there contemplating.
"I...I'm sorry I didn't say more," she says finally.
"What?" he asks curiously.
"Before the convention, you said you were sorry you didn't listen more. And sometimes you didn't. But most of the time you tried, but I didn't give you the chance. I kept secrets from you and I told myself I was protecting you but I...I should have told you the truth about who I am, what I've done, and how I felt. I should have told you..."
"Told me what?"
"I should have told you that I didn't participate in Defiance because I thought you weren't good enough. I did it because I knew you were. I should have told you that you were good enough, that you were always good enough," she admits. "And so, I'm sorry I didn't say more. That's on me."
He stands there for a long moment with an expression that is hard to read, just like Liv in 521, as he processes what she said and wonders whether she means good enough to be president, good enough for her, or both.
"Thank you," he says softly, overwhelmed and not really sure how to respond. It is not quite the reaction she was hoping for, but then again, what was she hoping for? She's pretty sure her hesitation tonight about doing the right thing killed whatever ounce of faith he had left in her.
She stares at him for another moment, then turns and quickly runs inside and down the corridor toward the exit, waiting until she is alone before she buries her head in her hands and starts to cry.