In the desert of Saddle Arabia there stood a cave filled with gold, gemstones and other riches. In front of the door to the cave there stood Sultan Hamed of Saddle Arabia, a red unicorn with a grey mane and beard and green eyes, and his faithful servant Hassan, a bulky brown earth pony with a black mane and beard and eyes the colour of the rubies inside the cave, scimitar in hoof. As soon as Hamed was about to leave he turned and said, "Close sesame." And with that the cave's door closed. "Guard well this treasure, oh Hassan," he said, "or the jackal shall grow fat on your carcass."
"No one shall pass Hassan," the guard replied confidently as the sultan took off.
No sooner had Hamed set off than one could spy a burrowing tunnel in the distance. What was so unusual about this was that it was made by six ponies. Naturally, the one up front was a unicorn using Horn Drill; but once she hit Hassan's scimitar she swerved left and continued as if nothing had happened.
Hassan was furious and made an about face to the cave's door. "Open…" he said. "Uh, open…" He had forgotten the other word to open the door. "Open… sarsaparilla?" But nothing happened. "Duh, open Saskatchewan?" Nothing. "Open Strawberry?" Still nothing. "Open Salakadula?" Zip. "Open Sienkiewicz?" 0% yes. "Open Stravinsky?" Nyet.
Inside the cave Rarity, the white unicorn who drilled the tunnel, emerged, only to be stopped by Pinkie Pie, a perky pink earth pony with a rose-coloured mane and sky blue eyes. "Here we are!" she shouted. "Los Caballos and all the clams we can eat!" Just then there emerged four more ponies and a small purple dragon.
"Wait a minute, Rarity," said another unicorn named Twilight Sparkle. "This doesn't look like Los Caballos to me."
"Where's the sunlight and the sand?" asked the dragon, Spike.
"We must be lost," whispered a pegasus named Fluttershy.
The other earth pony, Applejack, looked at the map. "Y'all's right," she said. "I reckon thatcha took the left turn at Manehattan, Rarity, and then turned east at West Foaladelphia."
"What a way for ponies to travel – underground!" snipped the last of the ponies, a blue pegasus named Rainbow Dash. "Since when is Los Caballos inside a…" Then she stared at the riches Hassan was guarding. "…cave?" she finished. "IT'S MINE! ALL MINE!" she suddenly shouted.
"I knew she'd lose it one of these days," sighed Spike as the pegasus swam inside what she assumed to be her liquid assets.
Outside the cave Hassan was still struggling to open the door. Here is a partial list of words he said: salamander; slavery; Swinburne; saxophone; Schubert; Starkey; Squirtle; stairway; silver; Salieri; Smetana; spaghetti; spider; Stokowski; saviour; Seville. "Open septuagenarian? Open saddle soap? Open sesame?"
Finally on the umpteenth time he got it, and the cave's door opened. In went the furious Hassan while Rainbow Dash wheeled some treasure out of the cave, singing: "Happy days are here again/The skies above are clear again/So let's sing a song of cheer again/Happy days are here again." Then she saw Hassan right in front of her. "Ah, Red Cap," she said. "Call me a cab, my good man, and be quick about it. I'm a heavy tipper."
But Hassan was in no mood to let Rainbow Dash take any jewels or gold. He hit her on the head with his scimitar, splitting the cap she was wearing, and the diamond on top of it, in two. Rainbow Dash gave a quick chuckle and bolted off.
Outside the cave she saw Twilight Sparkle and Spike. In the distance she could hear "Hassan chop!" coming from him.
"Save me!" she shouted, holding a diamond and some gold in her hooves. "Probably worth thousands, aren't they?" And she handed a few ingots of gold to Twilight Sparkle and the diamond to Spike. "Wonderful thing, isn't it?"
Spike said nothing and, in complete lack of interest, threw the diamond behind him like trash in a wastebasket. "Son of an illicitly hatched lizard," she said to herself, then she spoke to Hassan, still chasing her. "There's a white unicorn who brought us here," she said. "Why not chop her?"
Inside the cave Applejack was dressed in a pink harem girl outfit with a red vest. As she struggled to figuratively and literally master an imitation of Barbara Eden, Fluttershy added the finishing touch with a small pink heart gem on her lower belly. Rarity, hiding behind a rock with Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy, was molding a very ornate lavender and magenta porcelain bottle for Applejack. Then she chanted very softly: "Cavallus genius tranformatus/Applejack a djinn shall be/Temporalis fortunatus/Wishes granted come from me!"
With that a silvery-violet light surrounded Applejack. "What the hay is that?" she wondered; then she realised that it was part of the plan to make her a genie. "I hope I revert back to a pony after this," she thought.
Pinkie Pie placed the bottle in front of the rock; then she looked at her MP3 player and found an album titled 60's TV Themes. "Let's see," she said to herself. "Bewitched… Bonanza… The Flintstones… Get Smart… Gilligan's Island… Hogan's Heroes… Aha! Here it is!"
Hassan came up just as Pinkie Pie found what she was looking for. He saw the bottle and opened it, releasing Applejack from it. "A thousand thanks, grateful master!" she said, imitating Jeannie perfectly. Hassan still couldn't find Rarity, but he was too enamoured by Applejack. "For freeing me, the magical genie, from my eternal prison, I shall grant you three wishes," she said. "And, uh, ix-nay on the ishing-way for ore-may ish-ways."
"She's lying!" yelled Rainbow Dash.
"Zol zain shah!" snapped Hassan. "I wish to go to the Haywaiian Sea," he said.
"Your wish, my dear master, is my command," said Applejack, and with her hooves folded, she nodded her head and blinked, and under the sea the two went.
"On second thought," said Hassan, "I'd rather go back to Saddle Arabia. I can hardly breathe."
"Then back we shall go," said Applejack, and in the same manner as before, Applejack performed her "magic" and brought both of them back. She was not amused. The mighty Hassan, having foolishly squandered the first two of his three precious wishes, wondered what to wish for his last. "Maybe I can claim the treasure for my own," he thought, "and transfer it to Hamed upon his return." He then turned to Applejack and asked, "How much is this treasure worth, my almighty genie?"
"Exactly eight million bits," she answered. "Not a farthing more, and not a centime less. Would you like it for your very own?"
"Oh, yes! Hassan like!" he said. Then Pinkie Pie turned on her MP3 player and throughout the cave bellowed the theme from I Dream of Jeannie, to which Applejack danced. Cue face hoof from Rainbow Dash as Applejack folded, nodded and blinked. "It's all yours," said Applejack. And just as Rainbow Dash had done before, Hassan swam inside the treasure.
As he did Rarity reversed the spell, chanting: "Cavallus genius tranformatus/Applejack is as before/Temporalis fortunatus/Wishes granted come no more!" And with the same silvery-violet light, Applejack reverted to a normal pony.
Some time later Twilight Sparkle and the others were outside. "Los Caballos isn't this wide," said Fluttershy.
"I agree," said Applejack, "and not a movie star pony in sight."
"Ahem!" said Rarity, somewhat offended.
"I wonder what's keeping Rainbow Dash," said Pinkie Pie.
From the cave Spike saw two ponies rush out. "There she is!" he cried. "And there's Hassan chasing her," sighed Twilight Sparkle.
Rainbow Dash zipped out, followed by Hassan. "Save me!" she cried.
"Hassan chop!" shouted Hassan.
"Back here," said Twilight Sparkle, pointing to a rock. She put on a turban and chanted: "Minimus cavallus ponicus quo/Shrink these five so Hassan doesn't know!" and all of the other ponies shrank and hid inside the turban.
Hassan only saw Twilight Sparkle, Spike and a rope that led up to the sky. "She go that-a-way," she said, pointing upward. Hassan climbed the rope, and as soon as he was out of sight, down it went.
"Is he gone?" asked Fluttershy.
"Of course he is," answered Applejack.
The five ponies came out of the turban and Twilight Sparkle chanted: "Maximus cavallus ponicus quo/Make these five ponies larger grow!" And with that they all reverted to their normal sizes, Rainbow Dash rushing cheerfully back to the cave. "I'm rich! I'm wealthy! I'm comfortably well-off!" she said.
About an hour later they packed up the treasure. "I think that's the last of it," said Pinkie Pie.
"Mighta missed something," said Applejack.
"I saw a flattened brass kettle," said Spike.
"Better check," said Rainbow Dash. Suddenly she spied a brass lamp. "I guess Spike was right. If I polish it up, I'll get a quick four bits on the open market." As she rubbed it, out popped a blue unicorn with a black mane and beard and mahogany eyes. "I am the genie of the lamp, oh master," he said. "I will grant you three wishes."
"Oh, no you won't!" yelled Rainbow Dash. "You want my treasure! It's mine! ALL MINE!" And she shoved the genie back into the lamp.
From the lamp the genie again emerged, now blood red and very angry. "Master, you have desecrated the spirit of the lamp!" he said, scaring the others, who went back in the hole. "Prepare to face the consequences!"
"Consequences, schmonsequences," said Rainbow Dash nonchalantly. "As long as I'm rich…" From his hooves the genie shot lightning at Rainbow Dash, zapping her.
On the beach at Los Caballos, the others were eating clams and having fun. "I wonder how Rainbow Dash got along with that genie," said Pinkie Pie.
"Dunno," said Applejack. "Wherever she is," said Spike, "she's missing some wonderful clams." "Oh, she'll show up eventually," sighed Rarity.
Twilight Sparkle pried a clam open with her horn and found a surprise inside. "What do you know? A pearl!" she exclaimed.
Out of the hole emerged a shrunken, high-pitched Rainbow Dash, shouting, "It's mine, all mine! You understand? Mine, mine, mine! Go, go, go! Out, out, out! Mine, mine, mine!"
"Oh, brother," sighed Spike. "Close Sesame!" the five ponies said together.
"I'm rich!" said Rainbow Dash as the shell closed. "I'm a happy miser!"