BARRYLAWN PRESENTS
DEID MAN: ACE DEAD MAN
one day in heaven deid mann was relaxing on the clouds after paying for his sins in hell (he was a naughty boi when he was young)
he was on his phone tryin to get in contact with his friend god but he wasnt answering. maybe he was talkin with someone else, god had a LOT of friends
just then he noticed some drama goin on down on earth
"whats going on" said deid and he went down
he landed on a small cloud just over teh earth and saw there was white fluffy desks and god was at the top and a bearded guy with a guitar was at one of the desks and a man was on his knees pleading to god
"PLEEEEASE I DIDNT DO ANYTHING WROONG" he cried
"silence" said god "u have comited mortal sin u shall pay in hell forever
"noooo" he wept
"OBJECTION" shouted deid and he ran to the other fluffy cloud "my lawd, what are u doing to this poor man"
god glared at deid
"deid mah pal, this person has been a bad person so he must suffer to satan"
deid looked at the wimpy guy sadly, he cant just turn his back on te guy
"gawd, i dont beleev hes tat bad... SO LET ME DEFEND HIM!"
it was his first case, hed never defended in court before, but he knew he could do it
"ugh fine but if u fail well that would be revealing it" said god "please explain tis case to him my child" he turned to the man and deid realize it was jesus christ
"k" said jesus "this filty soul has been accuse of murder"
"great its always murder" said deid
"however dat can be forgiven, wat he also did is truly unforgivable"
"wat" said deid
"HE COMMITED SUICIDE"
"OBJECTION" shouted deid "WHY WOUD HE GO TO HEL FOR DAT"
jesus threw a book at him
it was teh bible and it said dat suicide is unforgiving
"o"
"also he SHOUTED A SWARE WORD WHEN HE FELT PAIN!"
"OBJECTION" shouted deid "mah lawd, i request being a prosecutor be unforgivable sin becaus that makes far moar sense"
"u r wrong" said god "tis bible was written by those 4 guys and those guys are holy i dont remember there names BUT THERE WORD MAKES IT RIGHT"
"now" said jesus "as u can see he is clearly sinner"
"but u have no proof" said deid but jesus presented a knife and a rope
"dammit"
"finally" said jesus and he walked to the witness cloud "i was the detective who witnessed the murder"
===JESUS TESTIMONY===
jesus pulled out his damaran and played music
"mistah del-ite mur-dered hi-is wiiiife... des-iree del-i-iiiiite..."
"he-stab her in teh neeeeck... she die rite that tiiiiime..."
"...then he took his liiiiife... stab it in his selllllf..."
"OBJECTION" shouted deid "there was a rope on the crime scene THAT WAS USED TO HANG HIMSELF"
"i never said the rope hung him you stupid shit, it was just on the scene" said jesus
"FUCK" shouted deid
"DEID MANN" shouted god "SWEARING IS A SIN"
deid slammed the desk
"but jesus swore just now!"
"UGHHH...?" he sweated
"however jesus is suppose to be perfect... EXPLAIN THIS JESUS!"
jesus glared at deid
"o holy father let us bring this poor shit to justice..." he prayed
and then he sunk his head down and pulled out the hedband thing holding up his hair and the hair fell and HE STUCK IT INTO THE GUITAR AND LOUDSPEEKERS APPEARED OUTTA NOWHERE
"DURRRRRRRRRRRR DUR DUR... DADAADADADADADAAAAAAAAAAA" he shouted and it was hevy metal god jesus christ "DEID MANN U ARE A FIL-TY PES-ANT LOOK ING FOR ATTENTIOOOON... WELL U AINT GONNA GET IT FROM OUR FATHER CAUSE UR UP GAINST ME... JESUS!"
he gave a overconfident grin
"jesus are u ok" said deid
"yea im fine this happens somtimes" said jesus with deep voice
"yea hes fine" said gawd "now is there anything else ud like to add"
"yes" said jesus "ill put this as delicately as i can..."
===TESTIMONY===
jesus swung the guitar around
"AYYYYYY THE LITTEL BABY O'ER THERE IS A SINNAH AND DAT CANT BE ARGUED"
"THERE NO-ONE ELSE WHO CUDDA KILL THEM NOPE NOT A PERSON..."
"OBJECTION" shouted deid "but you were there-"
"TAT ROPE, DONT MEAN SHIT, DO NOT, PRESENT IT, WE GONNA KILL YA IF YES"
"OBJECTION" shouted deid "then what WAS it for jesus"
jesus sweated "SHIT SHIT SHIT"
"OBJECTION" shouted deid "god jesus is sinning a lot right now"
"NO" shouted jesus
he picked up the book and wrote "swearings ok i guess" on the last page
"ha" said jesus "that shit aint now!" he picked up guitar
"L M A O, GET REKT MATE! NO MOAR BULLSHIT IN THIS LITTLE BOOK!"
"(THIS IS MADNESS)" shouted deid "(HE CANT JUST EDIT THE BIB- hey wait a minute)"
"well i guess thats k then" said god "now u filthy souls, TO HEL-"
"OBJECTION" shouted deid "jesus just wrote in the book that was suppose to be by 4 guys SO NOW ITS NOT HOLY ANYMORE!"
"GAAAAAAAACK FUCK SHIT TITS DICK ASS" shouted jesus
"wow ok then" said god "but what this mean"
"IT MEANS JESUS IS ACE SINNER" shouted deid
"DONT LISTEN TO HIM MAN" shouted jesus and he threw the speekers away wit his damaran and then he hit the cloud with it and it went through and made a hole and he fell onto the ground and satan appeared to drag him to hell
"DONT WORRY JESUS ILL SAVE YOU" shouted god "uhhh ok guys so the bibles fake now so whatever ron delite ill let you into heaven"
"tha-THAAAAAAANK YOUUUU" he yelled
they had fun witout teh bible forever
THE END