Ba'al's Image Problem
(a short piece of insane fluff)
Disclaimer: I don't own Ba'al or the Stargate SG1 universe. I'm doing this for fun and because, well, I adore Ba'al.
Do not accept gifts from Ba'al . Lord Yu Wang Shang Ti (The Summit)
One of the perks about having so many clones is that it freed up a lot of time for one to think. And Ba'al was a former System Lord who did a lot of that pretty much anyway. He liked to think of himself as not defeated so much as being in a transitional phase. Reinventing himself. Having a makeover. Finding his inner Tau'ri. Whatever. So he hired a public relations specialist. One Sydney Blume.
"Ba'al, boychick. I've been looking over your dossier, and I'm telling you this, we have our work cut out." Sydney scanned the pages in the binder. "Torture, enslavement, murder...Did you really kill sixty million people during a territorial dispute?" Ba'al shrugged. "I'm thinking maybe you need some anger management. Which is not a bad thing, the public loves celebrities with a bit of the darkside."
"What about my charitable work?" Ba'al drummed his fingers on the table.
Sydney thumbed through the dossier. "I don't see any. That would be a good idea, though. Maybe something like the Jaffa Relief Fund or Habitat for Offworld Humanity. Or there is Nutty for Nox, the one dedicated to doing a fashion makeover for the Nox, starting with their hair." Sydney shrugged. Ba'al glared.
"None of those appeal to me."
"You gotta give me something to work with here."
"I don't have to give you anything, Tau'ri. Your job is to find a positive spin for my past actions. For instance, I didn't kill sixty million people, they were unfortunate collateral damage. I didn't torture, I interrogated with force."
"You aren't sadistic, just alternatively pleasured."
"Exactly." Ba'al nodded. "I'm not a psycopath, just socially misaligned." He raised his eybrow and smirked.
Sydney shrugged. "I'll see what I can do with it. Photo ops are always a good thing. You did help SG1 out with the Replicators and the Ori."
Ba'al's eyes flashed. "I am NOT posing with O'Neill. The thought of it makes me sick." He stroked his chin. "Samantha Carter, on the other hand, would be acceptable. We have a...certain chemistry."
"It happens sometimes with mortal enemies. Didn't she punch you in the nose?"
"Yes. It was strangely arousing." Ba'al savoured the memory. "You will arrange this photo op."
"I'll make a few phone calls, see what I can do."
"I will not accept failure." Ba'al played a bit with the device on his left hand. "You will work out the details with my assistant, Charlotte Mayfield." Ba'al stood up. "You are dismissed."
Sydney held out his hand and Ba'al frowned and raised an eyebrow, so Sydney nodded and exited as fast as he could. Heads were gonna roll back at the office, starting with the meshugener who'd accepted Ba'al as a client, while Sydney was on vacation in the Bahamas.
A week later, Sydney called to inform Ba'al that the best he'd been able to do was a photo op with the Jaffa High Council on Dakara.
Ba'al had Charlotte send him a nice thank you gift for his efforts.