Someone In Her Corner
Generally, he likes being Evil Spawn Alex. Or at least, he doesn't mind. It's a role that suits him, the gruff charm, the brutal honesty, the frat-boy poses, the stubbornness. Most of the time, he's happy with being The Insensitive Ass.
Tonight, not so much. Watching her walk out of the hospital, so tall, so beautiful, so alone, he hates himself. For a minute he just sits there, paralyzed. Instinctively it hits him- this isn't fair. She's gotten so much shit in the past year, from Shepherd, from Sloane. Apart from Bailey, she's the best doctor in this hospital, the smartest, the best with her patients. And she shouldn't be walking out of those doors alone. She shouldn't be looking so lonely, she shouldn't be looking like she's got no one in her corner. 'Cause she's got him, doesn't she?
Yes. She does. He grabs his books and breaks into a run, across the parking lot, reaching her car just as she's about to get in. He skids to a halt, stares at her helplessly.
She looks up from her wallowing-in-self-pity-reverie she's allowed herself to fall into, and feels her eyes widen in surprise. Alex. Still in his scrubs, clutching two huge books, staring at her with that look of stubborn innocence on his face. Usually, it would make her smile, sometimes blush. Now, it just makes her feel tired.
"Dr Mont… Addison," he says, chin sticking up, but there's a hint of gentleness in the way he says her first name that reminds her of the last time he said it, in that on-call room a few hours before. She feels heat creeping up her face. But she doesn't need this right now. She doesn't need this boy –because he is a boy, isn't he?- and his pity, she doesn't need him pretending to be something he's not because he feels like he needs to humor her, or, god forbid, because she's his boss…
"Karev," she says, keeping her voice measured. "It's fine. You should study, that's an important test you've got ahead of you. That's what should be on your mind right now." She pulls out her keys, unlocks her car, but when she looks up he's still there. It's raining, and he looks ridiculously adorable, with rain drops slipping down those cheeks, staining the scrubs, and soon they'll be wet and clingy and revealing… no, bad Addison. Bad Addison.
"Yeah." He sees now that he should have thought this through, should have realized that she'd be gracious and proud enough to push him away this time. She's not the kind of woman who's going to breathlessly fall into his arms or whatever. So what does he do now?
Fuck it, he decides. This is to important to screw up 'cause he didn't have a good enough strategy.
He's still just standing there being irksome and O'Malley-style awkward, although much more easy on the eyes. She can't do this. It's not just the memory of the sex –mind-blowing, for the record, but that's not the point- that's making this moment awful. It's that, and she hardly dares admit to herself, she really thought they had something. She was solidly convinced that after this hell of a year, after Mark and the baby and Derek and the panties and the divorce and everything, that somewhere up in heaven, someone glanced at Alex Karev and said, "Okay people, we're going to give that redhead a second chance." Instead, she'd given up on Mark –a man she surely could have learned to love, as she had before- for a stupid stud-in-the-bloom crush who, it turned out, wasn't even interested. But then why on earth was he still standing there?
"Listen," he says, keeping his voice low. She freezes, glances up at him like a rabbit caught up in the headlights, "I suck at this, okay? I'm Evil Spawn. And you're right, I should be concentrating on studying for this fucking test, but I can't, because all I can concentrate on is… you know. This thing. And it's weird and new and it scares the shit out of me so if I'm being an ass, like I just was, then it's not on purpose. I'm figuring this out as I go along. And right now I'm at the part where I pushed you away because I didn't know what to do, and that was stupid and wrong and I'm sorry. Okay? I'm sorry. Really sorry." He pauses, swallows. "And I would love to go have a drink with you. Or if you'd help me study, that'd be awesome. Or whatever else you wanna do, that's fine too."
The first thing she realizes is that her knees are shaking, as though she's some ridiculous sorority girl. She feels lightheaded, giddy, absurdly happy, suddenly. Somewhere up in heaven, someone is clearly in her corner. She grins at Alex, who smiles back in almost shy way that belies everything from his strong chin to the thoughts racing through her head. "Get in there," she says, "We're studying."
Fantasies Come True
"So," she says, turning out of the parking lot. "What can you tell me about neonatal cyanotic heart defects?"
His jaw drops open in a fairly unflattering sort of way. "Are you serious?"
She stifles a giggle at the gorilla-ish expression on his face. "Yes, Alex, I'm serious. You should be studying, you know." Raising her eyebrows at his reflection in her rearview mirror. "I don't want you to fail, not now that you've…chosen a career in neonatal," she says smoothly.
"I have not!" He protests, flustered, blushing, faltering under her gaze. "I mean, I'm still weighing my options, I haven't decided…" Oh sweet lord, this is fun. Too fun.
"Well. In that case, I'm just going to have to convince you, won't I?" She can see him swallow, can feel the heat emanating from his body, and mentally slows herself down. You're not Satan, Addison. Act like it. "Neonatal CHDs? I'm waiting."
He heaves a terrifically sullen sigh, teenager that he is, and recites, "It's birth defect affecting the heart, they're called "blue" babies. The patient appears blue due to deoxygenated blood bypassing the lungs and entering the systemic circulation. This can be caused by bi-directional shunting, or malposition of the great arteries."
"Very nice," she smiles. "Almost textbook. How about… Atrial septal defects?"
"What about 'em?"
"You tell me, Dr Karev." That wasn't supposed to sound so…kinky. Except it kind of did. Damn.
"Well, Doctor Montgomery," He's picking it up. Oh god. She's lived with an MD behind her name for the past ten years, why is it only now that she's discovering the massive turn-on-potential it holds? "It mean's you've got a damaged heart." With special emphasis on the last two words. Now it's her turn to swallow and blush and pay attention to traffic again. The boy knows what he's doing for sure. And…hang on. He's reached for the hand she's not driving with, and is, would-be distractedly playing with it. Drawing intricate designs into her palm with his nails, his surprisingly soft fingertips traveling along the inside of her arm, his fingers playing with hers… oh god. Oh god this feels good. "As a group," he continues, his voice completely unfazed, "atrial septal defects are detected in 1 child per 1500 live births. There are four major kinds, differentiating from each other by whether they involve other structures of the heart and how they are formed during the developmental process during early fetal development…"
Mercifully, they hit a red light. She practically slams the breaks of the car, then turns towards him. His expression is one of a satisfied student, and he's still spouting medical gibberish like a cross between Cristina Yang and a fountain. She glances at her hand still in his, at the sparkle and the underlying hunger in his eyes, and leans over. Whispers "Shut up, nerd," into his ear, and when he doesn't, kisses him, right there, in the car, at a red light.
And as before, it feels exciting. New. Like being 17 and properly plastered for the first time, making out with Josh, the nerdy, socially awkward latebloomer who sat next to her in English lit classes. Kissing Alex, who is not someone she's known since med school, who is not someone who practically knows everything about her anyway, is like exploring a strange new country. Like walking headfirst into the jungle armed with nothing but her own courage. Like inventing herself new. Kissing Alex is like a promise. A promise she desperately wants him to keep.
A car honks behind them. Damnit. She pulls away, hands, lips and all, and speeds along the street. Following impulse, she doesn't drive in the direction of her hotel, but rather, down First and Harbor Avenues. They hit two more red lights on the way, and upon both occasions she can't quite stop herself from leaning over and kissing him for all she's worth. And upon both occasions, she discovers something new and thrilling.
The way his stubble is soft, not prickly. The way his hands seem to be made for running through her hair, making her feel like someone in a conditioner ad. The way his lips are rough and ticklish and how he has this gurgleish, content laughing coming from somewhere in the vicinity of his bellybutton he can still laugh while he's kissing her.
"Can I ask where we're going?" This as, despite her wily efforts to slow down, the third traffic light has changed back to green before they've reached it.
"I've got something to show you," she replies, then giggles at how ridiculously straight out of Doctors Gone Wild Vol. 3 that sounds.
"Yeah?" He asks, obviously not taking much offence at the word choice.
She nods. She hadn't even considered doing this, but it seems obvious now, after the kissing and his little speech and the sex and the way her heart unexpectedly started aching as she watched him calming down Ava in surgery. She pulls over in front of a newly-renovated townhouse. "Here we are," she says, smiling. A beautiful cul-de-sac lined with chestnut trees, from the top floor, a few of the bay. It was love at first sight.
"Here we are where?" He asks, getting out of the car after, following her in front of a beautiful, red door.
"My new apartment!" She tells him, excitement spilling over in her voice. "House, actually. I just rented it last week!" She takes his hand, giddy with excitement. "Come on, I'll give you the grand tour."
He stops her at the front door as she's fumbling with her keys and plants a huge, happy kiss on her lips. She allows herself to melt into him, leaning against her new doorframe, wrapping her arms around him, pulling him towards the door, towards her…
The break apart, and he whispers, "Welcome home, Addison."