Loki stumbled down the muddy grass, not caring when the wetness started to seep in through the leather of his boots. He just needed to get away, as far as possible.
"Loki!"
He half hoped Thor would slip and fall as the man speeded down the slope after him. Maybe then he could get away from the damn idiot. If he was lucky enough he could get all the way down to the highway and even manage to catch a bus before Thor caught up with him.
But Thor did not slip and fall so he reached Loki at the bottom of the hill. Loki still kept walking on until he was forcibly yanked to a halt by his wrist.
"Loki, please, listen-"
"Why? There's nothing to be said, Thor," Loki replied with an even voice that sounded dead to his own ears.
"It is not like what you think, just let me explain-"
"Explain what, Thor?" Loki asked, staring up ahead at the curtain of rain. A half-hearted sneer grazed over his lips. "It's not like you owe me any explanations in the first place."
"Like hell I don't," Thor growled, grabbing Loki by his shoulders. Loki's gaze flickered to the ground before he reluctantly raised his gaze to Thor's eyes. The blonde had no right to look so thrown in Loki's opinion.
"Sif was not serious," Thor stressed, fingers digging painfully hard into Loki's shoulders. The man just stared back impassively, although the mention of the girl's name had a nasty twinge tugging at his innards. "It was all just a joke, a stupid, badly timed joke-"
Just like everything between the two of us, Loki thought. He felt numb, no other feelings beside the dull pressure in his chest registering through his mind.
"-supposed to kiss anyway, but regardless it happened. But we were not going to be doing anything besides that, no matter what she might have been saying." Thor shook the man slightly, anxiety marring his face. "Do you get it, Loki? It was. Just. A. Joke."
"Well, too bad for you, then," Loki shrugged and stepped back, out of Thor's clutching fingers. If Loki had been a bit more of his usual self he probably would've found the way Thor's jaw dropped open hilarious. "Guess the silly misunderstanding got everyone worked up for nothing. But hey: no harm, no foul."
He patted Thor's shoulder condescendingly with a fake smile pasted on his lips. "You just get back to the party and I go catch a bus, eh? See you next week, Odinson."
Loki turned and started to stalk off, the fake smile dropping. Thor stared incredulously after him for a moment before frowning thunderously at Loki's retreating back.
"You can't be serious," The man growled. "You walk out of the party into the rain looking like you've been hit by a goddamn lighting, then suddenly shrug it off like it's nothing? Just what the ever-loving hell is wrong with you?"
Loki held his back stiff and speeded his steps but Thor followed in suit.
"How the hell can you be so damn unemotional all the fucking time? You just shut down like some damn robot and nothing gets through to you! Do you even have any actual human emotions, you goddamn ice monster, or do you just fake everything in your life?"
Thor was shouting now, hurt and anger making his voice tremble slightly. "Why can't you feel like normal people do, for fuck's sake?"
Loki's steps faltered and he stopped. They stood in a tense silence for a moment, Thor glaring at the unmoving back and Loki struggling with himself over whether he should say anything or just remain silent.
"I can't," Loki answered softly, the sound of rain almost swallowing his words.
"What?" Thor asked.
"I can't." Loki repeated, his voice gaining strength and a bitter edge. "I can't do that, I won't do that to myself, because I know where that leads to, I've been there before, nothing good ever comes out of it anyway, it's just not… No, I can't. I can't because I-"
Loki's voice faltered and he took off walking abruptly. He didn't get to take three steps before Thor let out a frustrated roar and tackled him.
Loki went down with a small yelp, sharp pain flaring off his elbow as he landed on his arm. He struggled to get the bigger man off him but Thor pinned Loki's hands against his chest.
"Why?" He roared at the struggling man. "Why can't you? Say it!"
"Get off me you idiot!" Loki bellowed back.
"Say it, Loki," Thor growled, "Damn you, you finish that sentence!"
"I hate you! Get off me! Idiot!"
"Say it!"
"I love you!"
They were both panting, harsh intakes of breath tearing through their lungs and warming the air between them. There was something wild and raw in Loki's eyes, making him look half mad as he laid there on the wet grass underneath Thor.
"Say that again," Thor commanded, his voice a raw whisper.
"I love you," Loki repeated, his voice just as jagged as Thor's.
"Again."
"I love you. I fucking love you. You fucking asshole. I love you."
Then they were kissing, hard and desperate, both clutching at each other as if letting go would make them drown in the rainwater.