The Void

by Syrtis

There is a place a country can visit only if it sinks so low it can never return to Earth. We call it the Void.

1. Fear

I never felt empty.

Coach Wilson would say otherwise. He'd pull me out at halftime, stare me down, and say, "Al, is your head in the game? Is it really?" I'd tell him "yes, sir". And that would be the end of it. Coach knew I was the best player on the team. The best player he'd ever had. He knew nothing would get my head out of the game. I guess he just wanted to be sure.

I didn't know it either, but my personality, my opinions, my being as a whole, was superficial. There was nothing past the looks. No twisted alter ego, no psychotic, unstable mentality buried within. I was indifferent. I was shallow. Empty.

I played soccer like a machine. I lost, I won, what did it matter? Did I feel overwhelming joy at victory? Did I ever experience crushing defeat at a loss? I felt nothing. I was nothing. But my head was in the game, every game, every time.

This was the first game I felt something.

I was not indifferent, or shallow, or empty.

I felt something.

I felt fear.

And it disgusted me.