Disclaimer: Again, the owl. If I was J.K.R, I would NEVER have killed the owl. I mean, I know it was symbolism, but it made me want to SHOOT J.K.R. right in the FOOT, thnxvrymuch.
Authors Note:
Alright. I know I'm probably going to get killed, but I've taken down Falling Apart and Together from my list of stories. Quite honestly, I reread them and was kind of disgusted by the...poor writing skills that I showed. Not enough detail in some places, and then way too much details in others. So I have taken all my stories down other then Bitter, which I think was my best one(oddly, the only one flamed, though. whatever).
I hope you guys don't hate me too much. I think now that I've finally made up my mind about what kind of writer I want to be, I'll finally be able to update more often, without worrying about trying to make it sound what I thought was the 'right' way.
That being said, I hope you enjoy this story. It might be a one shot, or I might continue it. What do you all think?
. ... .
In my younger years, I'd had no clue that I'd end up feeling this way about him(it was so simple back then). He was Severus, and I was Lily. There was no effort in our friendship, only an easy, comfortable sort of bond.
He was the one who changed my world(my perspective of it. good and bad). Hell, he gave me my world(goodbad). He was the one that stayed by me at school(not caring that I was a muggleborn in a time where blood mattered), at least for a little while.
He had lied to me, sure. He had told me that my blood didn't matter. Maybe if I had known when I signed away my life at the tender age of eleven that I'd have all sorts of terrible things said to me(mudblood.yourenotworththedirtundermynails.) at this school, I would not have gone. But I didn't, and when I arrived, I was filled to the brim with excitement. I was a witch (minus warts and green skin). A real, honest to goodness, witch. With magical powers and everything.
My first taste of the bitter knowledge that magic wasn't all it was cracked up to be was when I was sorted into Gryffindor. Severus had wanted me to be sorted into Slytherin so badly. I could see it on his face, the saddness there(i had let him down).
I don't know when I started to love him as more then just a friend. I can't honestly pinpoint one time that could have made me fall in love with him(there were so many).
. ... .
Severus and I were sitting at the edge of the lake during our fourth year, and I was supposed to be studying. Really, I was peeking over at him when I thought he wasn't looking, through the curtain of my hair that seperated us.
He was amusing when he studied; his dark, almost black eyes would be completely focused. He'd chew on the inside of his cheek, and it would make a visable indent in his cheek, causing his high cheekbones to stand out even more then usual. In the sun like this, his skin was clear, and bright, reflecting the water's glare.
I let myself look at my friend. I knew he wasn't the most handsome person for me to love. At the end of the day, his hair would be greasy, and his skin sometimes looked sallow due to all the time he spent indoors studying. But that didn't matter to me; the fact that he could have easily magicked his hair to be normal or simply taken potions to change his skin and didn't made him all the more attractive to me.
I had noticed that in the magical society, or at least what I had seen of it, it's inhabitants took so much for granted. They spelled their hair to curl right, took potions to clear their skin, or charmed the stains away on their clothes. Everything was so simple for them, and most seemed so...fake. Perfectly beatiful, fake little dolls in a world full of them. The fact that Severus chose to remain imperfect was something that warmed me to him, and made my heart flutter.
Finally, my friend seemed to realize I was staring at him. He glanced up at me from his book once, and then looked at the book I was supposed to be studying pointedly, before returning his gaze back to the book in his lap. I smirked, but continued to look at him. Finally, he sighed, and looked up from his book.
"What, Lily? You're supposed to be studying, you know, not looking at me. What is it? Do I have something on my face?" he asked, and Lily grinned wider.
"You're so stupid, Sev," I told him, shaking my head.
"How am I stupid?" he asked, sounding offended.
"You don't even realize, do you?" I asked.
"Realize what?"
That I love you.
"Never mind, Sev. And no, you have nothing on your face. It's perfect," I said, and pretended like I didn't see the light blush that came to his face.
. ... .
"He's such an idiot!" I exclaimed loudly, as I approched the table that Severus was studying at in the library. He looked up, surprised, and the librarian 'shhhh!'ed me. I ignored her.
"Who's an idiot this time?" Severus asked me, calmly. It was third year, and he had gotten used to my temper by now.
"James freaking Potter!" I hissed, trying to be quieter this time, though.
"Shoulda known. What this time?"
"He...ugh!"
"Ugh? That bad?" Severus asked, raising an eyebrow quizzically.
"Yes! The bastard felt me up!" I said, sure that my face was turning a deep red color by then, due to how angry I was.
"He what?!"
"Felt me up! I swear to God, Severus, I was leaving the classroom, and I felt his hand on my...my..ugh!"
"Are you sure it was him?" Severus asked, seriously.
"I'm possitive, the little git," I fumed.
"Don't worry. I'll take care of it," Severus promised me, his dark eyes serious.
The next day, James Potter ran out of the Potions classroom, howling, with his arse the size of two watermelons. I couldn't help but smile.
. ... .
I smiled, the memories flashing through my mind. It was the first day of term, my sixth year. I hadn't really spoken to Serverus for over four months, the longest stretch of time that we had ever gone without speaking to eachother since we became friends. I had rode home on the Hogwarts Express last year for the first time without him, and had ridden to Hogwarts on the Express for the first time without him.
Almost without warning, I found my vision blurring. I missed my best friend, I missed the young boy I loved, so much that it felt like there was a hole, burning me. I wrapped my arms around myself tightly, hoping if I squeezed hard enough I would compact, and the said gapping hole in my chest might somehow become smaller.
How could I go on not seeing him? How? It if hurt this badly after only a few months, how was I supposed to deal with it for a whole term? I knew what he had said to me was wrong. Vile and disgusting. It had violated the very base of our friendship, destroying the trust I had in him. I had never faulted him for lying to me that day, so many years ago, when he told me that my blood didn't matter in his world. I never blamed him during the years when I was called so many nasty things due to my blood. Never, not even once.
But the day that that word had come from his lips(lips that I had studied for hours in my mind at night, lips that I had imagined in all sorts of places, lips that, even after we weren't friends anymore, I couldn't help but look at whenever he answered a question), I felt as though my heart had been ripped from my chest by him, and thrown onto the ground. Only, it was still beating, pumping blood through me, as if mocking me.
He had apologized, though. I knew it didn't make up for the pain he had put me through, or the violation of trust, but it was something, wasn't it? I had refused his apology, but I knew from the look on his face that night(the haunted, pained look of a person who knew he had done something he could never fully fix) that he had meant what he said when he apologized.
I missed him(so much it hurt to breathe). I love him, still. That bit of info hurt me more then all the rest. Because I knew that I'd open my world for him, all over again.
So I hugged myself tighter, and willed the pain to go away.
Alright, I know it wasn't the best. I'll probably go over it later, and edit. But for now, I'd like to post it for you guys. Review, please. I'd like to know your opinion.