'Twas the night before Christmas
and all over UI
the spammers had gone silent
in the blink of an eye
Few were legal
n00bs were the rest
hoping Santa would come
to their website next
The tweens were dreaming
about candy and stuff
while the resident crack heads
just wanted more snuff
Gathered in the forums
sat drinking the rest
Mr. Furious and Riff
in their Christmas best
Food was afoot
and Maroon brought the nog
while Flomble was working
on a new Christmas blog
Nny was absent
somewhere with her man
while Nin pulled a Christmas prank
on poor little Tlan
"Santa's coming soon,
despite the site's lag.
Oops, I lied,
it's just your mom in drag."
All the kids cried
while Spike laughed it up,
feeding the fire
and draining his cup
Zero was asleep
passed out on the floor
while Johnny Skull covered him
with tinsel and more
Cloud and his Angel
met at the mistletoe
leaving several to gape
at their well rehearsed show
Crash wrote the tale
of UI's Christmas night
while in the asylum
raged a cold snowball fight
Smite tripped and fell
as Deb took him out
leaving him to be frost bitten
from their vile bout
Spence made snow angels
and all let him be
for there were lights to be hung
on the Christmas tree
The star was set
and carols were sung
but they were all dirty lymrics
as was rule of thumb
As the night wore on
and the "adults" grew weary
Tlan was working
on a new Santa theory
He had to be real
he couldn't be fake
just who, then, ate the cookies
he left on the plate?
No one cared much
as they dropped like flies
though tomorrow morning
they might need alibies
The fire grew dim
and they all went to sleep
and few needed help
of the counting of sheep
For Maroon had made sure
that the booze was strong
to leave them with hangovers
on the following morn
Amidst the members,
later that night
crept a Santa dressed Joker
and who would fight?
Though he was sans beard
and all of Santa's fat
he was the cutest Aussie
to ever don that hat
So he left the gifts
and prepared to go
not a look back
and went out in the snow
Not to the roof
no reindeer was fine
he just clicked the "X"
and signed off line
So what was the point
of this strange little tale?
Nothing. But I could
publish it for sale
No one would buy it,
but that's all right
so merry Christmas to all
and to all a good night!