Woo another IchiRuki oneshot. This is based before Rukia leaves for Soul Society when she's having thoughts of going back. The first part is in her point of view, then in third person view, then Ichigo's POV, then Rukia, then finished with third person.
.:Losing Grip:.
Why does he have to be like that? Why does he have to smile like that? Why am I so...what's the word...infatuated? What's the point anyway? I don't even think there is a point. He's only a waste of my time, as I'm only a waste of his.
We don't get along. He's stubborn. He's abnoxious. He's arrogant. He's thickheaded. We're two completely different people.
He pinches every little nerve I have, and he knows it. And not only that, he's amused by it.
So then why I can't I let him go?
He's the most infuriating being I've ever come into contact with, yet I have to say he catches my interest. No, this is only a crazed feeling of loneliness. What else could it be? I have been away from my so called family and friends for several months now. And Ichigo is the only one I really talk to. Other than that I'm only harassed by Inoue's friends at school, asking me if I have feelings for this dim-witted human boy. Of course my answer is always no.
I think.
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Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were, but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you
But I know you won't be there
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Rukia quickly laid down and attempted to pretend she was asleep as she heard Ichigo coming back from his shower. He softly knocked on the closet door, which further startled her.
"Hey, Rukia." He said, slowly pushing the sliding door aside.
"U-uh, hey Ichigo...Do you need something?"
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'Yeah, I need something.'
"No, was just seeing if you were okay." I said, scratching the back of my head. "You seemed kind of out of it at school today."
She stared back at me for a few long, silent moments. It was a bit too awkward for my liking.
"No...I'm fine." She said, her violet orbs looking away from me.
I didn't really mean to, but my arm extended out and I firmly, but gently, grabbed onto her chin, turning her toward me. She didn't seem displeased, she looked scared.
"Rukia...tell me what's wrong."
"It's nothing."
'Nothing...? Yeah right. I know that look. You're scared out of your fucking mind.'
Something inside me just forced me to probe on with my question.
"Tell me."
"I said, its nothing." She said firmly, but not irritated in any way, which by far surprised me.
"Damn it, Rukia. Just tell me. I know something is wrong so don't even bother hiding it."
I really didn't understand why tears threatened to fall from her eyes, whether it was my fault or not, it felt like a punch to the gut. I had never seen Rukia Kuchiki cry, and I didn't want to see it now. She looked so vulnerable and scared, which were two things she never showed. Not in front of me, anyway.
And right then I felt a faint tear drop hit my hand, which was still on her chin. It almost made me sick to my stomach to just look at her. I felt like kicking myself. God, I made her cry.
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I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you
Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye
When it comes to this
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I just couldn't hold it in anymore. These tears had been yearning to fall for so long, yet it was of no relief to me to let them out. I would say Ichigo almost looked concerned if I didn't know any better. But then I felt him put his strong arms around me and pull my shaking body from the closet. My only reaction was to hold onto him as tight as possible while I continued to shake profusely.
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He stood her frail body on his floor and looked straight into her eyes, which were filled with concern.
"Rukia...please tell me.."
"You want to know!?" She said as her shoulders rose and her facial expression filled with pain. "I hate you! I hate that I let myself fall in love with you! I hate it, Ichigo!!" She screamed into the night, falling to her knees as her tear drops crashed onto the wooden floor.
Ichigo bent down to her level and placed his hands on each of her shoulders. He pushed away the feeling he got when she had said 'I hate you', though it was already bothering him. And he had no clue what he was going to say to calm her down. What could he say? 'Don't worry Rukia, it's okay if you hate me even though I'm practically in love with you, but just please stop crying'. Yeah. Right. But he had to say something.
He sighed and looked away from her. "It's okay...Just please...don't cry, Rukia." He said as he rose to his feet.
She couldn't help but to notice that he looked hurt, maybe even as hurt as she was.
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Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
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"Look, if I hurt you, I'm sorry." He said, turning around. "You're welcome to leave." He whispered, almost under his breath as he looked up at the ceiling. "But, things just didn't turn out how I wanted them to, I guess. Can't have everything we want."
She felt so empty just after he said that. Did he want her to leave? She slowly stood up, grabbed her backpack from the closet, and walked to his doorway, taking a few seconds to look back before walking away.
He felt cold. The second she left, he felt cold. He put his hands in the pockets of his blue sweat pants as he plainly stared out of his window at the full moon. He lifted one hand up to scratch the back of his head before mumbling "Gah!" and running down the stairs and out of the door, after Rukia. He felt a cold chill run up his spine as soon as he stepped outside, and he was sweating. She wasn't there. He was too late.
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If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you've been away
It's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time
I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you
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She was gone.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
The End.