rems_game

Disclaimer: I don't own Trigun or any of it's characters, besides, I'm not making money off of this thing so BACK OFF!!!!

Chapter 1: The Painful Beginning



I layed back and removed the glove from my right hand to study the numerous scars I had acquired from all the fights I'd been in... and the games I had played with Rem... I opened my dairy to reminisce...

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Day 1: I was born. I wondered why the hell was I in a lightbulb, and what the hell a lightbulb
was. I found my twin beside me. I kicked him, he squirmed. Yup, he was alive.

Day 2: I learned to speak. It was really annoying at first trying to use sign language for communitcation. Why do voice boxes have to develop so damn slow?

Day 3: I grew hair. Big woo.

Day 4: They promoted me from guinea pig to crew member. I feel privileged, I really do.

Day 5: I learned how to write (previous days were actually written on day 5)

Day 25: I learned I had an IQ of 251. It's not really all that amazing when you realize I'm only 25 days old.

Day 26: I was allowed to walk out of my lightbulb to find out thatt everyone live in one huge lightbulb floating in space (I still don't know what a lightbulb is)

Day 27: I met Rem, she was really nice to everbody and would always smile.

Day 28: I learned abot about the XsheepsX ship's XnavagattionalX navagational system.

Day 29: Someone gave me an eraser

Day 30: They stopped calling me weirdo and gave me a name: Vash

Day 31: They gave my twin the name: Peanuts. He wasn't happy about it.

Day 32: I found out what pain was by accident today, I spilt hot coffee on
Peanut's lap. He screamed and ran around the room calling for
water. I realized that water was a main ingredient in coffee, so I
poured more on him. He screamed again and yelled at me to get him
cold water. I looked in the refrigerator and found some liquid
nitrogen. I poured that on his lap, but he screamed more and said
that I had the IQ of mayonnaise. I said thanks and felt happy that I
had done something good today.

Day 33: I found out what mayonnaise was. I didn't like being insulted, so I took
a piss on Peanut's bed. Everyone laughed at him, they said thing like
You have an IQ of 389, but you can't control your bladder!!??' and
kept laughing.

Day 43: We landed on an alien planet looking for some minerals that we could use for fuel. We encountered some hostile being, so we had to shoot them. Rem smiled and laughed the whole time she shot the aliens, even the dead ones; from then on I knew she would be a fun person to hang around.

Day 56: Today Rem got demoted for loosing her temper at Peanuts on the
bridge. She walked into our room and mumbled something like I'll show them temper...'
She smiled at Peanuts and picked up a two kitchen knives and started to poke Peanuts
repeatedly with them. Even though Peanuts was screaming the whole time I reckoned it
was game since Rem had a smile on her face. That's how our games started, and how
Knives got his new name. She gave him a big white shirt to cover his
wounds. I asked her why she was covering them. She said to me that it was the main objective of the game, give people wounds where people can't see them. She told me the first 4 rules of her game: First, you do not talk about Rem's game, Second, you do not talk about Rem'sgame, third, you do not talk about Fight Club (whatever that is), and finally, make sure the wounds can not be seen. She said that was thefun part.

Day 57: I was getting good at Rem's game! I stabbed Knives 87 times and no one noticed! He kept on complaining, so I smashed a flower pot on his head to make him sleep for a while. His hair conveniently covered up the bruise, but I wanted to be cautious, so I gave him a hat.

Day 59: Rem tied me to an altar today. It was cool, it was in the shape of an upside-down star with a circle around it. I think she called it a pentagram. She poked me with needles all over my body. I started to bleed and asked her if anyone would notice. She said no one would if I put on bandages.

Day 60: I played the same thing with Knives. He kept squirming and screaming. If anyone heard him they would come to see what happened, then they would see all of Knives' wounds, so I did the flower pot thing. Looks like Knives would be wearing his favorite hat today.

Day 357: I have almost mastered Rem's game. Knives is completely awful at the game, he can never seem to hurt anyone. He tried to punch me one time, but missed. Rem punished him for being too weak' by pouring hot wax on him. She really was the master; I didn't even notice the wounds he had.

Day 358: We went to the meadow again. As I walked, I saw a butterfly traped in a spider's web. Knives crushed the spider and rambled on about spiders and butterflies. I knocked him to the ground and yelled, I wanted to save them both...for later! Everyone could see the spider was dead! I would have injected hemlock into it so no one would notice. Knives always ruins my fun. To punish him, I poured the hot wax this time. Rem said she was proud of me.

Day 359: Rowan shot Mary in the cargo bay. Rem was very upset since any idiot could see the bullet wound. He tried to shoot Knives in the head, but that was way too obvious of a shot, and Rem wouldn't stand for it. She tried to get the gun away from him so she could flower pot' him; unfortunately, the commander opened the hatch and ejected Rowan into space. The result: Rowan imploded. Mary imploded as well— talk about making a bad situation worse. Now that was definitely way to obvious for anyone. Rem got mad at the commander. It seems he isn't very good at the game. After the little incident, the ship needed to be evacuated because the ship's navigational path had been altered. Rem decided to stay behind and fix the problem. I didn't want Rem to leave, otherwise how will we play her game anymore? How will she get to tie me to the alter? After Knives and I landed, I found out Knives as the one who alterted the ship's course. I almost applauded him, except for the fact that the ship exploded. Everyone could see that, even other planets! Later that night I thought about smashing his head with a rock, but I realized that I had lost the cover up hat. So I just went back to sleep.

Couple of years later...

Day 1 of the year: I'm really bored, for the past few years I've tried to play the game, but the only person around was Knives, each time I tried to play with him, he'd always complain. We found a ship and Knives went in it.

Day3: Knives finally came out, I was so bored I played the game with some lizards. Knives said it was utterly disturbing how I slit their necks and still managed to make them seem alive. He gave me a gun and said it would help me kill the humans. I don't need a gun to kill, I use my trusty flower pot, or kitchen knife for maximum stealth killing ability. I accidentaly shot him in the leg, it was horrible! the wound was ozzing with blood for everyone to see! Rem would be ashamed of me, I just ran. I hate myself I hate myself!!

Year2003: It has been a long time since I have written anything in here.
Rem's game was the only thing that kept me going these past hundred
years. I found out that a gun is more effective than any flowerpot at
the game. Over these years I developed my skill to the extream, I can
hit a man's armpit from 1 miles away! An armpit wound is VERY hard
to see.

Day2: I found out that one of Rem's relatives lived in July town or something.
I was so excited to meet him, maybe he could teach me a higher level
of the game! I arrived there to see him dead, face down in a puddle of
his own blood. Knives was sitting right next to him. I was so pissed
that he shot him in the chest. ANYONE can see a chest wound. I
reached for my gun, but he shot first, and *LOP, there went my left
arm. HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO HIDE THAT!!!??? My arm was
gone, I guess I could get a robotic one from that nice old guy in that
spacepod. Anyway, he snapped his fingers and my right arm became
an angel arm. I was REALLY mad now! I forgot all my teachings of
hidden wounds and slow painful suffering, and I shot him. It blew up the
whole entire town! Now EVERYONE, even the ones on different planets,
could see that one!!!

Day359: So many days have passed, I wish I had some donuts. I was so bored yesterday I was contemplating on different ways of spelling it: doughnut, doenut, donaught, dohnut, doanut, doghnaight, d'oghknutte, and finally doughnought. Today however was very interesting. A group of bounty hunters were trying to kill me and claim that 60 billion double dollar reward, as usual. I was just trying to have a nice drink when a stupid boomerang cut the bar in half. Everything was destroyed, except for my seat, since the sign shielded me, poor sign. I decided to play the game, too bad I didn't have any bullets loaded. I was considering the flower pot method, but I decided now was not a good time to revive old habits. I ran and dodged bullets until I got captured. I didn't know what to do, until some girls came along. they claimed they were from an insurance agency. Through all the commotion I got away, as did the girls as well. While I was chowing down on some abandoned donuts, the insurance girls came up to me. One was kinda short with shiny black hair trimmed about the ears; the other one was tall and somewhat heavy in build, she had long brown hair that hung all the way to the small of her back. The small one gave me $10 and told me to tell the nearby towns to run away. After they left I considered their offer. $10 to miss out on a fun time with the bounty hunters playing Rem's game? I think not. I came back to discover the two bounty hunters allied with each other against me as well as capturing the insurance girls. I slid down the hill and shouted to get their attention, boy those guys were bad shots! I could've dodged all day! I led the big guy near the cliff. He started rambling on about killing me, I just smiled knowing what Rem's game had in store for him. He threw his boomerang, quite haphazardly I might add, hoping he would hit me. Would a newbie like him actually hit a rem's game veteran? I don't think so. I lept over his boomerang and sailed over to his right side. I took the conveyer belt thing he had on and put it on reverse. It was most satisfying to hear his arm snap. *Rem's game tip kids!: Internal wounds are the best wounds. The mustache guy tried to shoot me again, but instead he found that boomerang in his face. Ouch! I couldn't even see much visible blood. I am sooooo good at this. Those girls still don't belive I'm Vash the Stampede, the man with a 60billion double dollar reward on his head. I would've turned myself in for the reward if it wasn't for that death penalty thing. I hate death, the bodies rot after awhile, and even a baby can tell if someone's dead. After that refreshing game I started off in the sunset looking for some new



I hope you all liked it, remeber, this is an out of character thing, so don't flame me saying that Vash isn't a sick twisted little cookie. I'll have the next chapter done in a few days, maybe a few weeks if I'm unlucky. I would love to hear some suggestions and comments, so READ AND REVIEW!!