Request from underdogs-are-the-best. Usually I come up with something cheesy, or corny, or any variation of that. I thought that was how this would turn out. In reality it became this sad or maybe even angst ridden thing that actually is a somewhat unexpected yet acceptable outcome. I like how I write but ending up with something like this is just as good in my opinion. So, hopefully you like it. Inspiration came from the song Habits by Tove Lo and Need You Now by Lady Antebellum. Enjoy!
The melancholy music blared in my ears through the ear buds, barely giving me a reason to move nowadays. She loved music. We had that in common. It was so hard without her. Why couldn't I just move on? Here I was sitting on the bench where we sat all those nights in the past, just watching the stars. Sometimes we would sit here during the day and just people watch. The whole place was just a constant reminder of her and only her. It was driving me crazy, not seeing her face anymore or hearing her voice or feeling her body under my hands. She was just...gone. Dead to the world and to me. I took in a shuddering breath that was a dangerous step away from tears and brought my hand up to inhale on the cancer stick. She always hated when I smoked. I quit for her, but now, it was one of the few minor comforts I had. I remembered teasing her.
I would say that being with me was worse for her than smoking. She'd laugh and sing that song by Panic at the Disco. That usually led to us singing other songs, staging our own karaoke night right there in our apartment. A smile tugged at my lips but died in a second. All those years in high school, all those years in college, all those years living together, all those years were gone. They shattered the day I was told of her death. Victoria Vega was no longer alive and it was slowly killing me from the inside out. I grit my teeth to hold back the building tears and took another inhale, breathing out the smoke into the air. Without her I was nothing, doing nothing, trying desperately to forget, and failing. I was a rundown mess. I wondered how I even survived this long without her. I was so depressed it was a miracle I didn't resort to something drastic.
She might be gone but her influence on me was still there. That was the only answer I could believe. I hadn't gone off the deep end because she wouldn't want that. I threw down the used up stick, guilty I had even brought one to my lips, and crushed it under my boot. No more of that. I ran my hands through my hair and kept them there to hold up my aching head, my elbows braced on my legs. With my eyes closed and my ears clogged with music I didn't hear or see the person trying to get my attention. A touch to my shoulder was completely ignored but the moment one of the ear buds was free from my ear I jumped to attention with a start, prepared to defend.
"Whoa, I'm sorry to startle you. I just wanted to know where I can find the nearest-" a voice began to babble, but I cut it off, not even looking at the person.
"Can't you see I don't want to talk? Find someone else who can be your tour guide," I spat, my scowl forming quickly. There was a pause, like the intruder was trying to decide if it was worth it to stick around.
"Is there something wrong?" I was questioned. I growled under my breath. It seemed like I just had to get a talker, didn't I? The person didn't hide the concern present in every word.
"Will you just-" I began angrily, standing up to confront the annoyance and stopping short when I was met with kind hazel eyes and a nice patient smile. Her dark brown hair was pulled back and it curled down to her shoulders. She had an open yet careful expression. My eyes briefly scanned her curvy body. She either didn't notice or didn't care.
"So, um, is there anything I can do? It's just, seeing you so sad triggered my natural need to help. I'm sorry if I bothered you," she continued. She looked slightly nervous but she didn't let it stop her. She had guts. Usually I scared away the person by now. If she was so willing then maybe she could help me.
"You know, maybe there is," I accepted. Her smile grew and she nodded.
"Mind if you show me where I need to go while we talk?" she suggested.
"Sure," I answered, stepping up next to her and leading the way. And that was how I met Rose. She was a spunky and playful woman with a stubborn streak. She was a fighter and didn't let me win if she believed wholeheartedly that she was right. She was also a big flirt with a smirk a bit like my own. Often times I completely forgot what the hell I was saying or doing when she decided to distract me. She was fire and I was ice. Our relationship took a while to get started but once it did she slowly began the task of melting away all the icy walls surrounding me, the ones that appeared and grew thicker the day I lost Tori. Rose was so different than her but there were a few things that matched. She liked to help people, she was far from a dork but she liked to tease me when I got too cheesy, and the one thing I missed but now had once more, she knew just how to speak to me without setting me off like a bomb. She understood me in that special way that I missed. Not many did. Cat was the only one in the past besides Tori. Three years since meeting Rose and I still flinched at her name, even in my thoughts. After all Rose had done to help me return to my somewhat normal self, she still couldn't fix that hole in my heart. I was afraid no one could.
It was such a persistent ache. Despite the fact that I was happy with her, I couldn't give my whole self to her because I had already given it to my one and only. But she was gone and she was never coming back. I pulled myself from my depressing thoughts just in time to remember where I was. I was on my way to the park where I liked to think. I stopped at the crosswalk and pressed the button. The signal to walk soon popped up after a short wait and I took a step forward but stopped. The thought was fleeting but I listened to it instinctively. I took a step back instead and almost instantly a car came whizzing around the corner through the red light, the whirlwind of air at its passing buffeting me. I jumped back in shock. That car could have hit me! But I was safe because I listened. To what though? My common sense, my conscience, my intuition? Whatever it was I was grateful. The next chance to cross the street came and went without incident. Soon I was at the park and sitting down at the same bench. It was even the same side. It felt too weird to sit on the other side, her side. My phone rang as soon as I was comfortable and I dug it out of my jacket pocket.
"What?" I spoke into the device.
"Were we still on for dinner and that movie tonight? I'm in the mood for gore and action," Rose's firm voice replied. I smirked, amused. She loved horror movies but she was an even bigger fan of action. She was a rough and tumble kind of person with an undertone of loyal and caring.
"Yeah, I'll check the closest time available after you get out of work, ok?" I responded.
"Ok then. See ya soon," she said in farewell.
"Bye," I answered. I hung up and put the phone away with a sigh. Three years and I barely even said I loved her. It was hard for me to do. Those words only ever were spoken to the one person who deserved it. It just felt like a lie when I said it to Rose even though I do like her a lot. I might even love her, but I still couldn't say it. She easily caught on when I didn't return the words she said to me on a daily bases. She didn't take offense since she knew the whole story of my past and how broken I was. She didn't push me and I was glad she understood. It was hard enough moving on but I knew Tori wouldn't want me to be unhappy so I tried my best to make the relationship work. I laid a hand on her side of the bench, sliding my fingers over the worn smooth wood, and then stood up. I began walking back out of the park towards the street when my eyes caught on someone across the playground.
"What the…" I mumbled, blinking to make sure I wasn't seeing things. I froze in place and stared into the face I yearned to see every day, the face of the only person I ever truly loved.
"Tori," I whispered out loud. This time I didn't flinch. It didn't hurt to say her name. On the contrary, I felt like my whole body was electrified and my heart picked up. Almost like she had heard me all the way over there she looked up. Her coffee brown eyes met mine and I felt like I was going to faint. It was too much to process. My Tori was alive and well. She was right there. All I had to do was go to her. It didn't occur to me that I was hallucinating or that I could be mistaking someone else for her. I just broke into a run straight for her. Her brows creased in that discouraging way before she shook her head and ran in the opposite direction, away from me. It didn't slow me down. I ran as hard as I could to catch up, dodging obstacles and losing sight of her the longer we ran through the city. The park was far behind us and I was getting tired but I couldn't stop. I had to reach her. She turned around a corner and I shoved people out of the way to turn the same corner. How was it that she was so nimble? She was such a klutz it was a wonder she gracefully kept ahead of me all this time. We were on a long stretch of sidewalk now and she was still far ahead of me. I couldn't run anymore. My desperation grew along with the overwhelming fear that I would lose her again.
"Tori!" I cried out to her, pain and fear coating the single word. Tears gathered in my eyes but I didn't wipe them away. She stopped and looked back at me, something in her eyes I couldn't place. We stood there staring at each other a long time. It felt like it was just me and her, the rest of the world on mute besides my heavy breathing. It was like we were frozen in time. The suspended feeling broke when she darted into a crowd so fast I couldn't keep her in my sights. I pushed myself into a run, trying in vain to look for her in the last place I saw her, but she was gone. She was gone again and the effect it had on my heart was crushing. I stumbled to lean on a nearby building and bit my knuckles to keep myself from bawling right there. Once the tears were forced back, my knuckles bleeding slightly from the effort, and I was put together enough I backtracked home so that I could get ready to go out with Rose. That was who I needed to concentrate on. She was the one I was with. Tori was dead, and I had to keep telling myself that. I chased an illusion, nothing more. I had to move on.
The date that night was enough to keep my mind off what had happened earlier in the day. We spent dinner eating at some restaurant, talking about how Rose's day went teaching her gym class while she asked me how my book was going. I told her I almost had the prologue complete, but in all honesty, I kept wanting to write something about Tori, to forever mark the world with her memory. Afterwards we went to the movies. The movie itself was good but when the credits rolled it was better. For just a moment, my mind was finally relieved of its constant fighting with old memories when Rose's lips met mine ardently and she reclined me across the plush red seats. She insisted on something daring once in a while so who was I to say no? She worked fast, her mouth keeping my own occupied while her hand worked down until she was unbuttoning my pants. Her hand slid in and the next several minutes were spent working me to release. I just held onto her, willing my body to relax. With some time, I managed it, and soon her goal was reached. My grip tightened on her when I climaxed and she kissed me hard.
When we finally untangled ourselves and I fixed my clothes we left the theater hand in hand. I ignored the fact that once again I wasn't left breathless, only mildly satisfied. During the drive home the unwanted thoughts began to return, flying around my head like angry bees. I didn't want to face them just yet, so the minute we got home I wasted no time reconnecting our lips and giving back what Rose gave me. I was a little rough, and I might have bitten a little too hard, but she didn't tell me to stop. I had a feeling she knew what I was hiding from. The night ended in her arms while she tried to comfort me. I just tucked my head under hers and silently cried until I fell asleep. The same worn question kept returning to my head as I fell under. Why couldn't I forget her? The next week was hectic and we were too tired to go out so that weekend I woke up to the smell of breakfast. Rose must be trying her hand at cooking again. She wasn't bad, but her skills definitely lacked in the kitchen. I was usually the one to cook. I stretched out and then got up to start my day. After, I went out to see the results of our breakfast. Rose looked up at me when I entered.
"Ok, so, the pancakes are somewhat round and the eggs came out good. I think the hash browns are all the way cooked through but tell me what you think of the bacon and sausage," she said, a little hesitant. I chuckled fondly and walked over to sample the food. The pancakes were edible enough, the eggs were indeed good, the hash browns needed some more time, but the bacon and sausage had too much time. Oh well, I liked crunchy bacon. When I told her she sheepishly looked away but I turned her back to me with a hand on her chin.
"Thank you," I told her, accompanying it with a simple kiss. She was trying and I knew it was to cheer me up so I was grateful. I went to the table with my plate and she followed. We didn't talk much, and when we were done, I did the dishes. She kissed my cheek as thanks and then left to get ready. As I washed, my mind couldn't help but return to that day. I had to make sure what I saw wasn't just my desperate need to see her again making up illusions. I finished the dishes just as Rose got out of the shower. I got in and came out when she was dressed. I got dressed too then found Rose to tell her I was going for a walk.
"Want me to tag along?" she offered with a soft smile. I forced my lips to return the smile but shook my head.
"No. I, um, need some time to think," I replied. Her smile disappeared. A cross between concern and caution replaced it.
"Jade," she warned me in a stern tone. She already knew I was going to walk around mournfully until I decided to wander back home. She didn't like when I allowed myself to fall back down. She wanted me to move on, for my own health, but I couldn't.
"No really, I'm fine. I just need some time," I insisted. She studied me critically before sighing.
"Ok. Then I'll see you later?" she said. I nodded.
"Yeah," I replied, leaning down to kiss her forehead. I left and started my long walk towards the park, conflicted over what I wanted the outcome to be. If I had been seeing things then I would have no choice but to try harder to move on. It was unhealthy to be seeing things. But if it was real, if I really did see her…it was too good to be true. Then what would I do? I sped up my pace and blocked all thoughts until I reached the park. I expected her to reappear again, but when she didn't I took my usual seat and planned to wait it out. I sat there almost all day. It was starting to get dark by the time the park cleared out. Tears came and went as time passed but I didn't allow them to fall.
Was I so desperate to see her again that I was sitting around waiting for what could be nothing at all? The answer to that was a resounding yes when I ended up falling asleep. The nightmare that had been plaguing me for some time now haunted me again. I was aware enough to try and fight it, to stop it from continuing, but it kept going until suddenly it cleared away. I felt so warm, there was no panic, and for the first time in what felt like a really long time, I felt happy. My clear mind allowed me to wake up, instantly startled by the hand on my shoulder. I grabbed the the wrist and yanked so that I could grab the person in a choke hold. The instinct to defend as well as all those lessons from Rose kept me vigilant.
"What the hell are you doing?" I demanded the stranger. She whimpered her pain at being restricted but oddly wasn't fighting back.
"I was trying to help you. Please let me go," she responded. My body went rigid at her voice, my heart raced, and I couldn't think. I released her from my hold to then embrace her tightly. She let out a shocked sound but didn't try to push me away. She was here. I could see her. I could hear her. I could feel her. She wasn't buried under the ground but right here in my arms.
"Tori," I mumbled into her shoulder, gripping her tightly. A minute later I was sobbing, holding her like my life depended on it. She let me hold her and said nothing. Her hand just rubbed my back comfortingly, sending waves of warmth into my strained body. Only when I was finished did she pull back. Our eyes met and something flashed in her brown orbs. I didn't know what it was but she now pushed me away gently.
"How can you see me?" she questioned. I wiped away my tears and shot her a confused frown.
"What do you mean? I saw you before too," I replied.
"Yeah, but...you aren't supposed to be able to see me. What changed?" she wondered.
"What does it matter? You're here now. God, Tori, I missed you so much," I told her, reaching out to grip at her hand. She squeezed my cold fingers in her own before dropping my hand.
"I'm sorry, but I don't know you," she stated with an apologetic shake of her head. What did she mean she didn't know me? Suddenly, I was frustrated and angry.
"So what, you just help random strangers and give them a shoulder to cry on? Is that it? It has nothing to do with the fact that you're my girlfriend and we love each other with everything we have? No? Then why the fuck are you here?" I shouted, losing my temper. I finally had her and she told me she didn't know who I was. This couldn't be happening.
"Calm down and I'll explain, ok?" she answered, taking my hand by the wrist and rubbing her thumb along the underside, just as she always did to calm me. How did she know to do that but she didn't know me? And she even used that soothing tone of voice. I just nodded, the knot in my throat too tight to speak. She pulled me to sit back down on the bench. She took her spot and I took mine. She folded her hands in her lap and nervously looked away. I knew that expression. It was the one she had when she needed to tell me something but she was unsure how I would take it. It was like she knew me but didn't.
"I'm going to get in so much trouble," she muttered, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. I stayed quiet, waiting for her to continue. I didn't let any more questions and worries enter my thoughts until I was told what exactly was going on. After a few agonizing minutes passed in silence she began. Her eyes found mine and I waited for that bright smile I loved. It appeared a second later, a little shy but otherwise there. I smiled back, encouraging her.
"I haven't done this for very long but I was told the rules so I know I'm breaking them. I'm going to tell you anyway because there's something about you I can't shake. Maybe we can figure it out together?" she began hopefully. I nodded and placed my hand over hers. So she was just as drawn to me as I was to her.
"My first memories were of waking up in a really bright place. I didn't know where it was but a voice told me that I had someone I needed to watch over. It told me that this person was in pain over a lost loved one and it was my job to help ease her through it," she went on.
"Me?" I guessed. She nodded and clasped my hand in hers.
"I fell unconscious after I agreed to help and woke up here. I saw you crying, heartbroken, on this very bench and just knew you were the one I had to help. I could feel it," she explained. I couldn't help but think that Tori still had that flare to help others without question.
"I was sent to help you get through your dark depression and keep you safe. So far you've opened up enough to try at a relationship again. That's good. But it makes me sad to know that you still aren't completely happy. You're missing something and I feel like I failed you. I can't move on until I know you'll be ok," she told me.
"I won't be ok unless I have you," I replied, bringing a hand to her cheek. She smiled but then realization hit and she pulled away, my hand dropping.
"No. I can only guide you. This person you want, she isn't me," she clarified.
"Then who are you, because you look and sound and act just like her," I snapped. She barely even reacted to my harsh tone. Only Tori was able to do that. Sometimes Rose flinched when my temper was at its worst.
"I don't know who I am. I don't know who you are. All I know is that I need to heal your soul so that you can be happy and I can move on to the next person in need. That's all I'm here to do and nothing more," she elucidated. My breathing began to speed up with my frustration and anger. No. She couldn't be here and not know the past we had. It was just cruel.
"What are you then? My Tori died over three years ago and here you are, an exact replica of her. So don't tell me that's not who you are!" I yelled, getting to my feet. She stood with her hands raised, mollifying, her face lined with worry and concern. I looked away, unwilling to look into her eyes too long.
"I guess you could say I'm…an angel," she answered quietly. I whipped my head back around to look at her, my eyes burrowing into hers now.
"An angel? Sent here by God himself to help me through my fucked up life? Is that it? So that's why I haven't seen you until now. You're an angel? Well, that clears up everything!" I spat sarcastically, acid in my voice. Her face hardened and she crossed her arms.
"What else am I supposed to say? It's the truth!" she exclaimed, only a hint of anger in her tone. If she was really Tori then it wasn't a surprise that I managed to get her temper going so easily. I wondered if I was also able to turn the argument into something more. If I succeeded then she really was Tori. No angel would give in to such backward temptation unless that angel was my Tori. And she was. I was going to prove it.
"Well I don't believe it!" I retorted stubbornly.
"My speed, agility, and disappearing act doesn't point it out?" she demanded.
"You could have just gotten more athletic up in heaven. How should I know?" I continued to taunt. I could see the red tint to her cheeks and knew she was close to outright shouting at me.
"So you're accepting that I'm an angel but you won't stop with this nonsense that we know each other? Because we don't! I don't know you!" she screamed. The statement hurt me but I channeled it into my anger.
"For fuck's sake, Tori. I know for a fact you're getting off on this argument as much as I am!" I exclaimed, grabbing her by her white shirt and shaking her a little. A blush bloomed on her cheeks but I knew she was too pissed to be embarrassed.
"Oh," she said in that offended way I remembered. I leaned in close, my eyes flicking to her lips before settling on her fiery gaze again.
"Yeah, and I know all you want to do right now is kiss me. You want me even though you know it goes against what you were told. Because face it, I know you. The Tori I know doesn't give a shit about rules when it comes to me. She's beautifully tainted in that way and I love it. So angel or not, you're at least lusting over me right now and I won't stop until-" I growled threateningly, but her lips collided with mine, shutting me up. My breath hitched and so did hers but I quickly got over it. My free hand held behind her head to press her closer. She gripped my shirt tightly and then wound her arms around me, her fingers digging into my back. I groaned and angled my head so that my tongue could slip into her mouth. She accepted readily and our tongues met to slide over each other. I swallowed her moan and then pulled back to smirk at her.
"I still love you Tori, and I know, no matter what this is, that you love me too. Death can't take that away from us. You know me just as well. You know that there's no fight left in me without you. So if you really want to help me, then come back," I whispered in her ear. She opened her mouth to respond but all I heard was her ragged breathing. Her silence stung me. I let her go and stepped away.
"Jade, wait," she called to me, gripping me by the wrist. I kept my eyes on the ground, unable to meet hers.
"You might want to hurt me with your sharpest pair of scissors, which I know you still have since I gave them to you, but just hold on. I'll try," she told me. What? Did that mean she was remembering? I had barely touched a pair of scissors since I lost Tori, only using them when necessary. The only ones I owned were indeed the pair she gave me. I trashed all the others. They reminded me too much of that time in my life when I had her. That little bit of knowledge alone gave me hope. I raised my tired eyes and quickly focused on the tears in her own eyes. I caught the first one before it fell and then cupped her face in my hands. It felt so good to kiss her, so familiar, so fulfilling. I missed it.
"I miss you, Tor," I choked out, my own tears sliding freely over my cheeks. She wiped at them but gave up when I couldn't stop crying. Instead, she brought me into another kiss. This time when we parted she began to fade. I panicked and tried to grab at her but she was only air in a matter of seconds. I fell to my knees, gripping at the ground in an attempt to keep myself from falling apart all over again. I didn't get home until late at night. By then I was too tired mentally as well as physically to explain myself when Rose questioned me. I just fell across the couch and let my eyes close, a heavy sleep settling over me. The sound of music forced me awake. I pawed at my pants and tried to get my phone out of the tight pocket with my clumsy half asleep hands.
"Wow. That is still one depressing alarm you have there," Rose's voice addressed me from somewhere in the room. She didn't sound too happy. That blunt tone we shared was more than obvious in her voice. I ignored her and finally got the device out so that I could shut it off. Once that was done I let it fall from my grasp onto my stomach and stretched out with a yawn. My back hurt and it was then I was reminded that I slept all night on the couch.
"So where the heck were you yesterday?" she inquired. I sat up, catching my phone in my hand, and then looked up to see she was leaning against the counter in the kitchen.
"I told you, I was out thinking," I responded, pushing off the couch to stand.
"And you needed all day for that? Couldn't you have just let me help you?" she replied, a bitter hint to her voice.
"Do you think I went to see someone else?" I demanded, offended.
"Well you sure as hell been gone long enough for me to think so," she retorted.
"I'm not a cheater, Rose! I might be a bitch, but I'm not a cheater!" I yelled, rounding the couch to better confront her.
"Then what's with all these 'walks' you have, huh? And they get worse around February and October without fail!" she spat. I cringed at that. February held Tori's birthday while October held the day she died. Halloween wasn't the same for me anymore as it reminded me of the month she was taken from me. At least it didn't happen on Halloween. I never shared those dates with Rose. It hurt too much to talk about. And I didn't want her doing or saying anything on those days. All I wanted was to forget, but it didn't work. I must have spent too long in my head and she must have been trying to get me to listen, but since I was zoned out I didn't come back to reality until her next words struck me like a slap to the face. Hell, that would have been more pleasant than what she said.
"I'm done," she stated with certainty.
"What?" I ground out, not really believing it.
"I can't do this anymore, Jade. You're always gone somewhere, mentally or physically. Every time we go out or spend time together I feel like I'm getting through to you, that you're letting go of the past, but then this happens again and it reminds me that you haven't let go, that you're never going to move on. I love you, Jade. I really do. I want you, but you don't seem to want me. It hurts me to finally draw the line, but I am. I'm done. I did all I could. There's nothing else I can do. You haven't found happiness with me but I hope you do with someone else," she told me. A sad smile hid the pain on her face but I could still see it. It hurt me to see her like this, and to know I caused it, but she was right. Tori was all I could think about. And until I figured out what that was all about I couldn't move on.
"Rose…I'm sorry," I gasped out. She walked over to pull me into her arms.
"The sad thing is, I know you mean it," she replied. She pulled away and placed a kiss on my forehead before leaving me standing there. I plopped back on the couch while she began to pack. She mentioned a close friend who was practically a sister that she could crash with for the time being. She even called in a few other friends to help her transfer her things. I was just lucky I already had a play published, a book on the way, and a permanent spot in the restaurant Beck owned. He was the only one from school I stayed in contact with since he was the only other person besides Tori that I had gotten close to. His acting career was hit and miss but the restaurant he was given from some close friends of the family did more for him. He knew how hard my career choice could be, so being the good friend he was, he offered me a place there should I ever need it. By the end of the day Rose was standing at the door to our apartment we shared for the past year and a half. It was nothing but silence between us until she began to talk.
"I don't hate you for this. Even though I want to," she started. I shook my head.
"I'd hate me if I was you," I mumbled.
"No, Jade. You...I guess I just…I get it. I understand how hard it is for you. We tried, and it was great, but I can't have all of you when she took a piece of you with her. I'd like if we could stay friends though. Give me some time to adjust and then I'll get a hold of you. I can't leave you to mope too long anyway. I'll worry too much about you," she continued. I sighed and hung my head until she pulled me into another hug.
"Take care of yourself. I'll see you around," she said through the thickening of her voice that told me tears were on the way. I held her tightly and then let her go. She looked at me one more time before leaving, the door shutting silently behind her. I hadn't even been alone a minute and already it felt like hours. The next several days practically dragged. I spent each day doing whatever necessary to get by. Any time I had free I would return to the park, hoping to see Tori again. I walked home disappointed every time. Soon, I reluctantly returned to taking long car rides instead of walking. I hadn't in so long, because I had made it a habit to take Tori with me, so those memories kept me from my favorite past time activity.
Now that I was doing it again it felt bittersweet. A month later and Rose began to call. Hearing her voice once in a while made it a little better, but not by much. I tried hard to give her all my attention to make up for losing sight of reality when I was with her. It was now the weekend, which meant two days of nothing to do. I decided to try searching the park one last time. I pulled myself from my bed and got dressed then swung open the door to leave. I locked it and turned around to take the stairs when I was face to face with the very person I was looking for. She offered me a small smile and then looked at the floor, her right hand gripping her left arm to show how hesitant she was. Classic Tori Vega. Adorable even when she was uncertain.
"Hey. Um, I came to explain properly," she spoke up, her voice wavering.
"How did you know where to find me?" I questioned, forcing my own voice to stay even.
"I've watched over you all this time," she answered simply with a shrug. I watched her a moment more, keeping my excitement at seeing her at bay. I couldn't give in until I heard everything.
"Come on then," I eventually stated, turning to open my door. I walked in and held it open so she could enter. I shut it behind her and locked it then tossed my keys on the coffee table. I sat down heavily on the couch and waited for her to join me. She carefully walked over and perched on the far side of the couch, well away from me.
"After that kiss in the park I knew I needed answers. Places I haven't been to started coming to me. Things I've never done following after that. Your face was among most of them along with other people I didn't know," she began. My back straightened at the news.
"I was remembering what I had lost, I guess. Or, that was what I was told. I wanted answers so I asked my mentor, the one I'm supposed to go to if this happens. He asked me if I had come in contact with you, or if you were able to see me. I told him yes. He asked me if I returned your feelings, and I told him I wasn't sure what I felt but I knew I felt something," she continued. All my attention was on her now, anticipating the conclusion.
"He gave me this thoughtful look before sitting me down. He told me that when people die and go to heaven they become angels who then watch over the people who need the most guidance. Usually it's during the most hard pressed moments in their life. In order for these new angels to do their job their memories are wiped clean so that they're prevented from emotional attachment as well as physical temptation should they come across someone they knew in life. It usually works, but…" she explained, faltering.
"But what?" I pressed, needing to know the rest.
"Angels can't be seen. It's rare for someone to see them. It isn't clear how or why people see them, but when they do, and if it's someone they know, they almost always try and pursue the exposed angel who of course doesn't have a clue who the human is. That was the case between you and I. You could see me somehow and you managed to approach me. That kiss, it unlocked my memories. I remember it all now," she finished. I took in a sharp breath and wanted nothing more than to take her in my arms and hold onto her forever, but I held back.
"So?" I breathed out, anxious.
"So, I was kicked out," she stated seriously. It took me a moment to understand.
"Wait, what?" I replied.
"I was kicked out. I can't be an angel anymore," she clarified.
"Why?" I asked, clearly confused. She smiled lovingly in that moment and I was further lost. She moved closer to me so that she could place her hand on my cheek.
"Angels aren't allowed to be with humans. The moment I remembered everything was the moment I fell in love with you again. It was so hard to leave you, but I planned to see you again. I couldn't wait to tell you that I was given a choice," she stated. I buried my hand in her soft hair and gazed into her beautiful eyes.
"What choice?" I inquired.
"I could either give up my memories to go back to watching over you or I could return to life like nothing happened and with every memory intact but I wouldn't have an angel of my own to watch over me," she answered. She chose me. She chose to remain unprotected so that she could get another chance to be with me.
"You don't need an angel, Tor. I'll watch over you," I whispered, meaning the words with everything I had. Tears blurred my vision, and for once, they were there out of happiness. Tori saw me crying and began to cry too. I pulled her into my arms and held her tightly, both of us sobbing our joy. I couldn't believe I had her back. She was here, in my arms, and I would do anything to keep her safe. This time it was all or nothing. Either we both lived or we both died. I couldn't take living my life without her.
"I love you, Tori," I mumbled through my tears. She pulled back to look me in the eyes.
"I love you, Jade," she responded, that warm tone in her voice I missed. I pressed my lips to hers, basking in the wholesome feeling of her. She surrounded me, just as she always had. She responded eagerly, the kiss remaining tender. I could feel my heart mending, the painful gaping hole filling. My whole body just felt…healthy and alive. Victoria Vega had always been the love of my life. It almost killed me to lose her. But now that she was back I wouldn't waste a minute with her. She had always been there, watching over me, taking care of me, and I hadn't even known. Now it was my turn to take care of her. I would gladly be her personal guardian angel.
Still can't leave out that happy ending. Figures, right?