A/N: I wrote this for a post-Breaking Dawn fanfiction contest. It didn't win, but I thought I'd post it anyway.

MUST LOVE DOGS

I walked into the Cullen house looking for Nessie. I turned the corner and walked into the family room. Instead of Nessie, I found Rosalie. She was admiring herself in a mirror. I snickered. "Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the ugliest leech of them all?" She turned around and glared at me.

"What are you doing here, dog?" She snarled.

"I'm picking up Nessie." That got her attention. "We're going to the beach with Claire and Quil."

Rosalie flopped back down on the couch. She hated it when I got to spend time with Nessie without another Cullen around.

"Fine. Whatever, mongrel," she said, pretending not to care.

"Oh, and technically, you can't call me mongrel anymore. Or dog," I said, egging her on. I could tell she was fighting herself to not say anything.

"And why is that, dog?" she asked, finally.

"You heard the creepy dude. I'm not a werewolf, I'm a shape shifter. A wolf is just my chosen form. Which means, you need some new insults, Blondie."

She jumped off the couch and lunged at me. Before she could reach me, Emmett had his arms around her waist, holding her back. He winked at me. "We heard the screams."

I rolled my eyes. I would have gladly fought the blonde, but then I thought about Nessie and frowned. Nessie wouldn't be happy if I hurt 'Auntie Rose.' She actually liked the cold-hearted (literally) blonde.

Alice bounced down the stairs with Edward and Bella behind her. Edward had Nessie curled up in his arms.

"Hello, Jacob." Alice's voice tinkled. "Are you here for Nessie?" She caught Bella's eyes as they glared at her. "Sorry. Renesmee?" Alice rolled her eyes.

"Where will you be taking Nessie today?" Edward asked.

Like you don't already know, I thought. He smiled.

"Well, yes. I just thought I'd be polite and ask." I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever, bloodsucker." That name had turned into a term of endearment. He handed me Nessie. I turned back to Rosalie, who was still being restrained by Emmett.

"Hey, Blondie. What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?"

She glared at me, refusing to say anything. I grinned. "You keep hearing about them, but you never see any." For the second time that day, she launched herself at me. I held on to Nessie and ran out the door to La Push.