Peter Rabbit skipped happily down the forest trail, swinging his basket back and forth and humming a merry little tune. He loved his job! The sky was bright and clear overhead and the spring winds were blowing in the trees as little birds returned home and took up their chirping.
"Here comes Peter Cottontail!"
"Hoping down the bunny trail"
"Hippity, hoppity, Easter's on it's waaay!"
He stopped and tucked a few multicolored and lavishly decorated Easter eggs under a few bushes and then sprang away back up the path, going back to his song.
"Bringing every girl and boy!"
"Baskets full of Easter joy!"
"Hippity, hoppity, HOLEEE SHIT!"
The foliage next to the trail erupted in a tremendous burst of earth and chewed up greenery as a fusion cannon blast clapped in the air, shaking the very trees, and flipping Peter Cottontail head over heels back down the path.
As clods of earth rained down around him, the stink of wet earth sick in the air, Peter blinked his eyes and sat up, looking up at the sky as Megatron soared down from above.
"Decepticons!" his wicked voice growled in the air. "Counter attack!" and he slammed down onto the path, his great armored boots gouging up the ground.
Peter gaped in shock as several other huge robots crashed down through the tree tops, flipping out of various shapes and taking human form, their faces wicked and deadly. They glided up and landed almost gracefully around the path, surrounding Peter and leveling huge weapons at him
"What have we here?" Starscream's eyes gleamed as he sneered over his disruptors.
"What is it?" Thundercracker growled.
Skywarp reached out and shoved Peter with his boot, as The Easter Bunny tried to get back to his feet.
He sprawled ungraciously down in front of Megatron, who lowered his mighty fusion cannon and glowered at the bunny, towering over him by a good twenty feet.
"Who are you?" Megatron demanded. "Speak, Autobot, and your death will be clean." he sat his hands on his hips.
"Who are you?" Peter gawked at him.
"I am Megatron." Megatron announced, with all the weight of one speaking as if there was no doubt who ruled these woods.
"Answer our lord and master or we will vaporize you!" Starscream cried dramatically.
Megatron waved a hand in the air.
"Stand down, Starscream. Let him speak."
"I'm...I'm the Easter Bunny." Peter stammered.
The four Decepticons looked up and around at each other for answers but then they all glared back down at the little rabbit shaking at their feet.
"What's a bunny?" Thundercracker growled.
"Umm...uhhh...you know, The Easter Bunny? I am the spiritual embodiment of all that is good during the Easter holiday season."
"Embodiment?" Skywarp looked up.
"He means a disguise. As in a spy!" Starscream's head snapped up to glare at Megatron. "Kill him!" he cried.
"He is an Autobot!" Thundercracker roared.
"What!?" Peter cried.
Skywarp shot forward and seized him by the ears.
"Talk, you Autobot scum! How do you transform?!" and he yanked poor Peter's ears all about.
"AHHHH! For fuck sake!" Peter howled, his feet kicking in the air and his eyes squeezed shut as he pawed weakly as Skywarp's massive fists.
"I was just going to deliver some candy!" he howled.
"He lies, Megatron!" Starscream barked as Skywarp flung Peter back down. "I saw him planting fragmentation mines!"
Skywarp turned and spotted one of the colored eggs under a fern leaf just off the path.
"There's one right there!" He started to reach down.
"Don't touch it, you fool!" Thundercracker snapped.
"He's seeded the whole forest! Every since we started tracking him!" Starscream cried, snapping his disruptors back up. "Kill him!"
"Those aren't mines! What the fuck are you talkin' about?" Peter clutched his ears with his paws and stared around him with wide eyes at the four metal monsters.
"Well?" Megatron grated simply.
"Look, fellas, those aren't mines! They're Easter eggs. Decorated chickens eggs! They're not grenades and they won't explode!"
"In that case you better grab your basket and start picking those fucking things back up!" Starscream snapped his fingers and pointed back down the path.
"Huh!?"
"These woods fall within the domain of the Decepticons! These lands are ruled by Megatron!" Starscream cried.
Peter looked up at Megatron, who remained still.
"Look, big guy, I don't know what the fuck is going on! I don't know what an Autobot is and I damn sure don't know what you are!"
He straightened his little vest and got to his feet.
"All I know is that there's an address out here I am supposed to deliver some candy to." And he reached out for his basket.
The three Decepticon jets all snapped their weapons back up in an instant.
"Do you wanna die, you furry fleshling?!" Starscream cried.
"Freeze, mother fucker!" Thundercracker roared.
"Move like your life depended on it!" Skywarp hissed.
"Because it does." Starscream finished ominously.
"You guys are fuckin' nuts!" Peter quivered, his paws held straight up in the air.
"All right, that's enough." Megatron took a step forward. "You are no spy. Not even Prime would stoop to using something like you."
"Gee, thanks." Peter grimaced.
"You have something to deliver. Present it! And it better be good."
As Peter turned and set his basket down in front of him, the name he was hearing suddenly dawned on him.
"Wait, did you say Megatron?"
"Mmhmm." Megatron's one eyebrow went up.
"Aren't you the guy who...at Christmas when Santa..." He felt his fur run cold. No one spoke. Peter swallowed hard and looked up at Starscream who leered at him with a deadly gleam in his eye.
"Ho Ho Ho." the wicked Air Commander sneered.
Tiny little brown pellets dropped from under Peter's tail as his eyes glazed over in sheer terror.
"Oh, fuck me."
"Is that the candy?" Skywarp asked naively, craning his neck to watch.
Starscream made a face and looked up at him.
"Yes! It is! Help yourself, you fool!" he spat.
"Silence! All of you." Megatron spoke as he reached down and picked up Peter's basket. He rummaged through it, grunting cryptically and then, straightening up, he handed it off to Starscream.
"Is that all?"
"Uh-h-h yeah. I guess so. Can I go now?" Peter stammered, sweating visibly.
Megatron rubbed his chin, ruminating as he stared off into the trees.
"Hmm."
"What it like, Starscream?" he heard Thundercracker ask.
Megatron's head snapped around and he beheld Starscream, the basket around his wrist as he helped himself, munching away and clutching a chocolate rabbit.
Minus the ears.
Megatron snatched it out of his hand with a roar.
"Mmwut?" Starscream frowned, his mouth full of chocolate.
Megatron beheld his mangled bunny and his eyes blazed.
"You fucker!" he howled, looking up. "I hate it when someone breaks off the ears!"
Starscream swallowed.
"Well, who said it was your bunny?" he dared asked and Megatron smashed his fist into his face, obliterating the rest of the bunny and felling Starscream like a tree.
"Traitor." he growled. "Pick him up and get back to base. And if anyone else has a sweet tooth and leaves me nothing but black jelly beans...we'll be minus a few Decepticons!" his hand snapped out, pointing at the others to get to it and make haste.
Thundercracker and Skywarp quickly gathered up Starscream and dragged him off down the path.
"Uhhh." Peter croaked.
Megatron turned around and thrust his face down at the terrified Easter Bunny.
"You have something you wish to add, furry one? Hmm?"
"That candy was meant for a couple hundred households." Peter groaned.
Megatron straightened up. "Then their contribution to the Decepticon cause has been noted."
Peter swallowed, not daring to say anything more.
Megatron turned away, preparing to head back to his stronghold. "Now pick up your chickens and get out of my forest." he said over his shoulder.
"They're eggs. Chicken eggs." Peter replied, cringing as Megatron looked over his shoulder at him with a frown. "W-w-w-what am I supposed to put them in?!" he stammered.
"Your mouth. For if you open it again, I will lose my patience." And with that, the Decepticon leader soared up into the air.
Peter looked around at the chewed up ground, his dirty vest and mangled ears, quite ashamed that he had actually shit himself and lost his basket. An Easter Bunny's greatest shame.
And it wasn't even noon.
"I hate this fuckin' job." he sniffled.