Disclaimer: This is only going to happen once in this story. I am not, nor will I even be, Stephine Meyers. Or Stephine anything for that matter though I may one day be Ashley Meyers. But I doubt it. Enjoy!

*~*~*Carlisle's Point Of View*~*~*

"Esme dear, I'm home," I called out, walking into the house. I expected the face of my beautiful wife to meet me as usual. What I saw instead shocked and disturbed me greatly.

"Dad!" Jasper called out, highly embarrassed. He was dancing around to the song I Feel Pretty from The West Side Story. He was wearing a tight leather mini skirt and a revealing corset along with fishnet stockings and stripper shoes. On his back was a tramp stamp, most likely drawn in permanent marker. The worst part being the pole which he was dancing around.

I really shouldn't be surprised anymore. I have seen more in the last year than I've ever wanted to see in my entire existence. If I walked in on my kids doing one more kinky thing I may have to kill them all. Starting with Emmett and Rosalie for having sex…on my bed…I'd really had it with my children! The only normal one was Claire and she's to freaking young to be truly weird!

"FAMILY MEETING! RIGHT NOW!" I shouted for all my family to hear. I was again surprised, this time at how angry I sounded.

Within a matter of minutes every member of the house was sitting around the long dining room table. I took my place at the head of the table, to agitated to sit.

"Carlisle, what's wrong love?" my darling wife asked from her end of the table. She looked a little scared, as did most of the children. Only Alice and Edward looked truly terrified. Well they'll need to suck it up.

"I just think we could all use a little therapy," I said, my voice scary calm. "Dr. Giggles agreed to be the family therapist. He's new at the hospital but comes highly recommended. Obviously he knows nothing about the fact that were all mythical creatures, aside from Claire of course. I would prefer if it stayed that way. I cannot and will not force anyone to go to therapy however I would prefer it if you all just went quietly. I cannot force any of you into therapy but I can force all of you out of my house and I can freeze all bank accounts," I announced. I knew it was wrong of me to threaten eviction and cutting them off but honestly, it would probably be the fastest way to get them to agree.

"Daddy, I'll do whatever you want me to just please don't take away my credit card! Please! And of course Jasper will come too," Alice begged, the first to give in. Of course it would boil down to shopping for her. Well that's two down. Only 16 more to go.

"Don't worry Alice, as long as you go willingly I'm not going to take your credit cards away. Next up, Edward. Are you going to go or am I going to sell a certain silver Volvo?" I asked him. Staring him down.

"So much for not forcing us to go. I'll go just for the love of all that is holy, don't hurt the car," he begged.

"But I'm not 'forcing' you to go. I'm giving you options. I'm just also endangering things I know you love to get you to go without much complaint. Bella?" I said, turning to look at Bella.

"No need to threaten my stuff Carlisle. I'll go more than willingly. As will Renesmee and Jacob," she announced, speaking for her daughter and son-in-law.

6 out of 18 really isn't bad. Now for the rest, "Anyone else going to go willingly and without coercion? Raise your hands."

Esme's hand shot up instantly along with Claire's and Maggie's. Of course Quil and Nahuel raised their hands in response. Embry and Seth raised their hands next, knowing resistance was futile. In response to Seth raising his hand, Leah raised hers. Always the protective older sister. Ashley and Lucas raised their hands, unwilling to let there soul mates face therapy without them. That left only Emmett and Rosalie.

"Rose? Emmett? Am I going to have to make more threats?" I asked, glowering at them. With a resigned sigh they both raised their hands. YAY! Super dad wins another one!

Edward looked at me like he thought I had lost my mind and maybe I had. The therapy wasn't just for the children after all.

"Good. Now that that's settled, we'll be meeting Dr. Giggles tomorrow morning at 11 sharp. No excuses. Do you all understand?" I said, eyeing all of them. Right away 18 hands shot up into the air, no one daring to contradict me. "Any questions? Comments? Concerns?"

No one said a thing. Only Claire dared to move an inch. Even then it was only because she was human and couldn't not move. The wolves on the other hand had learned to be incredibly still from the vampires in the house.

"Excellent. You're all free to leave but I want you back here at 10 a.m. understood?" I said as they got up to leave. The children nodded as they left.

Finally only Esme and I were left. I wrapped my arms around my wife and sighed. "Thank you for agreeing so readily with me."

"Anything for you my love. Besides, after the many rousing rounds of The Lie Detector Test Game with the family, I have to agree with therapy. I'm just not to sure about using a human therapist. Do you really think all 17 of them can keep the secret and yet still tell the truth of their problems?" Esme asked, resting her head against my chest.

"I know but I looked into vampire therapist and apparently there really isn't a great need for them." I sighed walking towards our room with Esme still trapped in my embrace. It was a walk we had learned long ago.

A petite little figure was running towards us. "Grandma! Can I have some blueberry pie from dinner? Uncle Embry said I had to ask you."

I laughed as Esme swooped Claire up into her arms. "Well Claire, since you ate dinner so well I do believe you can. What do you think Carlisle?"

"Oh well I suppose if she ate all of her dinner without complaint then a piece of pie would be quite acceptable. Would you like ice cream on top?"

Claire's head bobbed up and down in excitement. She struggled against the stone of Esme's arms, desire raging in her eyes. Maybe some therapy would be good for Claire too after all. She had a slight addiction to blueberry pie with ice cream on top. Ever since we let her watch My Blueberry Nights with Renesmee and Ashley. Though she didn't understand the context of the movie at her age, she did fall in love with blueberry pie.

Esme let her down, taking her hand. They glided towards the kitchen to get Claire a piece of pie. I prayed the extra sugar wouldn't have her up all night. Sleep is after all very important to a growing child.

"Now Claire, you know you have to go to bed after you have your special treat right?" I asked her as she dove into the unappetizing looking piece of pie Esme sat in front of her.

"Will Uncle Jazz read me a bed time story?" the little angel implored.

"Of course sweetie. It's his turn," I said. "I'll go find him right now."

I glided out of the room in search of Jasper. I thought about the possible outcomes of tomorrow and none of them looked good. I just prayed everyone would be on their best behavior.

A/N: Here's the start! I know it's really dry but I just needed something to get the ball rolling. I popped in a couple movie references in this chapter. Some are really obvious, like the My Blueberry Nights one. Others are a little more subtle. I have the pie thing in there to show that not even little Claire is truly normal. But then again, when you grow up with werewolves and vampires, you wouldn't be normal either. Next chapter we meet Dr. Giggles. I'll also explain some of the basic's in the next chapter. And I had a little daydream about Jasper dancing around at the beginning of the chapter which inspired me. Originally I was going to have it be Emmett but something about it being Jasper fit more perfectly. Enough of my rambling. Review. If you have any ideas or problems you would like to see arise let me know. Also the fan questions from the last story will actually fit better in this story so I didn't include them.