"Have you ever loved me?"
"There's no such thing as loved." A paused, filled by the sounds of wave thrashing onto the rocks below, the wind blowing the winter chill across the ocean, towards the balcony they now stand on.
"Infatuation…" she continued, "Adoration… Obsession… But never love. Love does not exist, it's only a word thrown about carelessly by foolish poets and unrealistic artists. It's fleeting, not forever, unreliable, a dream, a fantasy. It's a belief, like god, that we know deep down, scientifically, does not exist. It's, in other words, not important now."
"You think love is not important in our lives? Is that not what makes us human?"
"Humans only think that they are different, we are no different from animals, we strive to survive, and only the most fit, the strongest, will, and sometimes I think that we are worst off than animals itself, we take more than is needed, we steal, cheat, rob, rape, kill, we invent weapons of mass destructions, we force beliefs onto others, we bully the poor and bow to the rich, no, humans are nothing different from wild animals, more ferocious, more deadly, but not different, definitely not more superior."
"Than, may I asked, how would you explain everything between us?"
"You, were nothing more than something I would fight to protect, sacrifice everything to make sure you'll be alright, a bane of my existence if you were to apply the law of nature into it, because for you, I would have gladly die," she answered in a heartbeat, naturally. "You were my irony, not love."
Were. Were. Were. The word echoed in his head, and all he could utter was, "I'm sorry."
"Don't be," she continued smoothly.
"I never meant to hurt you that-
"And I do not need to listen to excuses or explanations of any kind from you, especially not now."
"You weren't like this before."
"Everyone's entitled to be ignorant for at least once."
"I just feel that you're so far out of reach now, that no matter how hard I try… the barrier you have built around you… should never have been like this."
Her sigh or resignation carried to his ears, and she smiled sadly, her eyes so very tired.
"I've seen too much to ever believe in fantasies anymore, felt too much to ever try believing in lies, too much… and nothing can make me forget…"
"I still do… you know…"
"Like I've said, an infatuation, you'll get over it."
"No…" he had to say it, this time, no matter what it would bring, he wouldn't let this time pass him by, "I've always loved you…" he declared, and although the throbbing ache in his chest did not still, at least the fog in his mind had cleared.
"Love is just a word in the dictionary for fools," she threw back.
"Than I am a fool," he answered, voice firm and steady, he did not need anything in return, he just needed her to know.
He could feel her agitation rolling off her in waves, her breathing slowed to keep her temper in check, but her eyes, the greatest change in her was her eyes. No more the expressive eyes that told the world how she wore her feelings on her sleeves, eyes that burn fire when angry, eyes that teased when happy, eyes that tear when sad. Now, her eyes looked so cold, so far, dead. And he was the reason behind it, and it made him ill just thinking about it, made him want to turn back time, to change everything, to stop himself from doing those things that would have destroyed her. And he took an unknowing step forward, only to stop when she broke the silence.
"It's too late for amendments now," she said, so quietly, "there are some things that could never be mended no matter how good your intentions are. I'm not your responsibility anymore, you can stop trying. I forgive you, forget your guilt."
Because you can't save someone who isn't willing to be saved.
She turned away and started walking back into the ballroom. The silent goodbye, hanging in the air.
Because you can't just waltz back into my life, and wished everything away.
She brushed by him. For the last time, she told herself. She felt his familiar warmth enveloping her, but as soon as the feeling came, it promptly disappeared, an illusion.
Because you just can't break away all this "barriers" that I've spent a lifetime building.
It's too late now… But I forgive you.
And maybe, like you, I may only just be a fool.