I was 18 when I started abusing drugs. Life was so boring, and the cocaine made it a little less dull.
Until I ended up in the gutter, so strung out that Lestrade had to pick me up and carry me back to the Yard. He pulled some strings, kept me out of jail.
But what was the point? I was still bored, though the lab let me return. Day after day I was searching. I started my own business, made a website and became a detective. But the cases came and went, and life continued on.
I relapsed three times. Became addicted to cigarettes. Quit both again. Used nicotine patches when I was trying to concentrate because god, my head never stopped.
Until you came along. When I met you for the first time everything else in my mind quieted so I could focus on dissecting you. Every little detail was filed away. My future flatmate.
John Watson.
When everything began I expected you to hate me like everyone else did. They put up with me, sure, but only because I helped them. But you, you were different. Your patience astounded me, and sometimes you even kept up with my insults.
You came to know me, know my quirks and patterns. You didn't disrupt me like so many would. You didn't try to change me like the world would have.
You cared enough to check the house for drugs when necessary and hide my cigarettes.
My mind was able to calm down when you were in the room. On cases I found myself able to focus more clearly on the bodies and less on what was going on around me because you knew. You had my back.
It wasn't long before I considered you a friend. My only friend. Living with you made my days brighter, though I never told you. I never told you a lot of things. Especially not that, after about a year, I fell in love with you.
You were my new drug, the thing I couldn't live without. You quieted my ever going mind. You let me rest, and even though it was only for a short while, it was more than I had ever gotten before.
You killed a man for me. You tried to sacrifice yourself for me. And in the long run, I did the same for you.
I died, and left you alone.
And for that I am truly sorry.