Jealousy Becomes Him
By SisShippy
Disclaimer: Same song and dance. Chris Carter created the X-Files, Fox, 1013 Productions and anyone else I forgot to mention owns them. I'm borrowing the characters to write this non-profit, copyright infringement not intended story.
Dedication: To the groovy gal with the Golden Globes clips. Thanks a millionand one!
Since Mulder's return I've had mixed emotions, and not only as a result of my pregnancy. I still love him, more than anything else. I love him and I'm in love with him, maybe now more than ever. It is hard to describe how I feel about his return from the dead, his resurrection. I have been granted two miracles in recent months and overall I couldn't be happier. I'm also worried about how Mulder is going to adjust to life, to the changes that have occurred in his absence. Time holds still for no man, and in Mulder's case it must seem as though he has returned to a life in which someone has hit the fast forward button.
So many things have changed since his abduction, return, death, and now his second return. I'm afraid that he isn't going to adjust well and based on his reaction to certain changes already, I don't believe that my fears are unfounded. I don't think he has realized that he is very much the only man in the running as father to my unborn child. While I have so many questions about how this came to be, I am as certain about his being the father as I am certain that I will be a mother in a matter of weeks. At some point, and soon, I need to sit down with him and explain things to him.
The jealousy between Mulder and agent Doggett is certainly something to witness. It's largely over the X-Files and Mulder's feelings that he has been replaced. The betrayal he felt when he heard I've had a partner since his abduction only compounded the problem. Though he has yet to come out and say anything, it is my personal belief that Mulder believes agent Doggett could be the father of my child. The thought of such a ludicrous assumption threatens to make me angry and I force myself to stay calm until I know for certain. Agent Doggett and Mulder are constantly butting heads from the most trivial of issues to the greatest of conspiracies and no one, including Kersh and Skinner, dare get in the way. Truth be known, Kersh probably wishes one would eliminate the other so he could shut down the X-files for good. I've told no one of my decision to remain off the X-files after I have given birth. At this point in time, I don't think that news will be well received.
Mulder is supposed to come over for dinner tonight and it may be I'll talk to him then. It has to be done but more and more things depend on my energy level and since this conversation is so important, I want to be at my best when it is conducted. Mulder is a very important part of my life, and my future and I want to conduct things in such a manner that I don't force distance between us. Its actually going on seven now and Mulder should be here with dinner about any minute. I tried to insist on cooking here, or at least ordering the takeout myself, but he said he needed to do this. I think he just wants to achieve some level of normalcy and if bringing Chinese food in greasy cardboard containers can do that, then by all means.
He's here, I can hear the bags rustling outside my door as he fumbles with his keys. "Mulder?" I call and obviously surprise him because the hallway grows silent.
"Yeah?"
"Its open." As crazy as this sounds, I keep forgetting how difficult it is to get myself up off this damn couch and suddenly a task as quick and simple as opening the door becomes a struggle that takes ten times longer than it should. By the time he pushes the door open and steps inside my apartment I'm up and moving toward him to help lighten his load.
"How ya feelin'?" He greets as he takes the bags to the kitchen.
I move over to get the plates and a couple of glasses from the cupboard. "Fine thanks. You?"
"Never better actually. Listen, I was hoping we could talk over dinner about . . .things." He made a gesture toward my stomach with one hand and with the other a gesture that could only mean everything else.
"Sure. I think there's a lot to talk about actually." Over dinner is the perfect time, and so far tonight I'm feeling pretty energetic. "Mulder, I need to ask you something."
"Okay."
"Its about agent Doggett."
"Oh." Luckily, Mulder is one of the few men that can pull off jealousy. Maybe its because I love him and find his jealousy an all telling emotion.
"There is nothing going on between us. He was assigned to the X-files after your . . .return. We're just partners, Mulder, nothing more."
"Like we were 'just partners'?"
"No." He's still stubborn, nice to know that some things never change. "Nothing like that. If it weren't for agent Doggett, you might not be here right now, and I'm pretty sure the X-files wouldn't be anything more than a memory."
"Well if the two of you are just partners, why does he strut around like he owns you?"
Did he just accuse John Doggett of acting as though he owns me? Never mind that, did he just use the word 'strut'? Maybe I'm not up for a serious discussion, but I can't laugh, whatever I do I can't laugh. "I don't think he . . .struts around like he owns anything. He understands that the X-files have been your life's work and he'd step down in a heartbeat if they would reinstate you. He also understands that my heart belongs to you and is in no way under the impression that I am anything to be owned."
He must be getting as frustrated by this conversation as I am because he keeps running his hand through his hair. Good, maybe he should get a little frustrated, he might think a little more clearly. "Sorry. I just figured by," another gesture to my stomach. I wonder if he knows that my pregnancy hasn't exactly been a secret in recent months.
"My pregnancy?"
"Yeah, that . . .your pregnancy, that you had moved on with someone else and the way he seems to care for you I just figured he'd stolen you too."
Unasked question answered. And now that I have that answer I couldn't be angry if I wanted to. "No, Mulder. He hasn't stolen anything, not your X-files, not your place in the FBI, and most certainly not me. Agent Doggett does care for me - we're friends and partners, but nothing more. I think his heart lies with agent Reyes; actually I'd be willing to bet on it."
I grab the now full plates and take them to the living room. Sitting comfortably in my kitchen chairs is a fast fading memory and so most of my meals are eaten on the sofa. The silence is almost deafening as we eat the first half of our dinner in silence. "I'm sorry." He finally says around a mouthful of chow mien noodles.
"For?"
"For everything since I've been back. I don't know why it bothers me so much to think you had moved on. You have every right to. Like you said, you aren't a thing to be owned."
Little does he know this is why I hadn't moved on. Moments like these remind me why I love him and why I'm thrilled that he is the father of my child. "A lot has changed, Mulder, its natural for you to be a little . . .jealous."
"I'm not jealous."
"And I'm not pregnant." I honestly didn't mean to say that out loud. He puts his fork down and turns to face me. "Mulder, I need to tell you something and I think it will put some of your fears to rest. I haven't told Skinner or anyone else who his . . .or her . . .father is."
"But you're going to tell me?"
"Since you couldn't be the first person I told when I found out I was pregnant, I wanted you to be the first to know that you are the father." I should have a camera to capture this expression. "Barring any extra terrestrial involvement that is."
I don't know if I should help him pick his jaw up off the floor now or after I administer CPR. I think he quit breathing right around "I wanted you to be," and has yet to start up again. "Mulder? Mulder, are you okay?" I'd touch him but I'm actually afraid of how he would react. "Mulder, say something."
"Wow," he finally muttered after a long silence. "I . . .we . . .made this?"
"Yeah, we did." I carefully reach out and grasp his hand, bringing it to wrest on my abdomen. "We've missed sharing so many moments like this, sharing so many steps along the way, but none of that matters."
"Wow," he whispers again as our creation moves and kicks the palm of his hand.
"I think this baby is planning to jog out." I'm amazed that a man, this man, is reduced to simple sentence structures and one-word comments by something so common. We've stood in the face of danger, been witness to countless unexplainable events and he's always walked away with his ability to speak. Wow.
"Great, even our kid will be an X-file." He flashes a lopsided grin to let me know he's only teasing. "I'm happy for you, Scully. You got your miracle."
I move his hand just long enough for me to stretch out on the couch and lay my head in his lap then wrap his arm around to rest on my stomach again. I must remember to tell him tomorrow that jealousy becomes him but tonight I want to stay like this. "I got both of my miracles."
The End