We enjoy warmth because we have been cold. We appreciate light because we have been in darkness. By the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness -David Weatherford
My Dreams
He woke up feeling like shit, but hey it was Sunday morning, if you could call it that since it was already well past noon, He groaned as he flashed a look at the red digital figures blinking on his nightstand. He hated Sunday's as a matter of fact he hated all holidays, he would much rather be in the only place he found any solace, His office. Yes, that's how pathetic his life had become, he had already picked up an extra class to teach this semester so his Saturday wouldn't be free but there was no such comfort on Sundays.
It had become a weekly ritual, he would go to a bar after work on Saturday and drink, hoping the next time he opened his eyes; it would be Monday so he could head back to work.
The shrill ringing of his phone brought him back to reality
"Hey, it's me"
"Yeah"
"Phoebe and Mike are coming over for lunch today, can you please come too" his sister's voice was almost pleading, but he didn't budge, giving the same excuse he had used the past week, the past month. He had been distancing himself from his friends not getting involved in any sort of activity with them, he knew they meant well but being with them only reminded him of the one's who weren't there. After moping around for a few months, the shock had finally settled in.
Monica and Chandler moving out of the city, their new lives, Phoebe happily married, Joey going off to live his dream in L.A. and the person he forbid himself to think about, the love his life was now in a different continent thousands of miles away.
He thought about his life almost a year ago, it was Phoebe and Mikes wedding, he had a great job, he had the best friends anyone could ask for, he had two kids, who he adored and the sentiment was reciprocated, which was a surprise considering the living situation.
And she was still there, even if there was nothing going on between them, at least there was hope, it was a constant in his life, knowing she was there right across the street taking care of their daughter.
A year later, His sister and best friend were married with kids living in a house outside the city, he couldn't help but be jealous, this was the dream he had, and other people were living it. Joey, had left soon after to go to Hollywood and was doing well, Phoebe who was already six months pregnant had found her soulmate on an accidental date set up by Joey of all people. His son was living in Brazil, where Susan had got a job and Carol and Ben had willingly agreed to move. His daughter was growing up in Paris and the woman he thought was his soulmate was raising her.
When he though of his life today, he couldn't help but think what waste the last ten years of his life were. This was not the life he had signed up for, he did not have two kids, just to live in different continents from each other, and he did not deserve this.
He wanted to blame her for everything that was wrong in his life, why didn't she stay when he was ready to offer her anything and everything he had, but on some level he thought he did deserve this, if only he had not let his jealousy and stubbornness guide his actions, if only he had the balls to admit his love for her when had so many chances. His Cell phone rang this time, seeing the name that was flashing he groaned, just what I need right now he sarcastically thought.
Putting on fake pleasantness in his voice he answered back
"Hi" her voice came across as rather cheerful
"Hey, what are you up to?"
"Oh nothing much, just wanted to let you know that don't buy the "Brio Dolls" Emma's been asking for from you, Jacque bought it for her yesterday"
"Oh, Okay" his voice fell at the mention of Rachel's boyfriend of 3 months.
"Can I talk to Emma" he continued
"Oh, she's waiting outside with Jacque, we were about to head out to the park, you can call later".
"Ok, bye then, I guess" he answered back disconsolately and shut of his cell phone before she could reply. His mind wandered to the boyfriend, from what he had heard he was great with Emma and Rachel too adored him. He had finally mustered up enough courage after about five months to go visit his daughter in Paris, Rachel seemed to be enjoying her new life, Emma was happy too, so he decided to suck it up and be happy for them, but when the boyfriend had shown up the second day he was there he couldn't take it, he packed up his bag to head back home faking a work emergency.
Rachel knew why he left but she didn't bring it up, she was finally moving on and didn't want anything to falter her progress. That had been his one and only visit to Paris up till now, the number of phone calls too decreased to a bare minimum after his visit, the few and far between ones were generally on Emma's request.
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It was later that day, he was walking past their favorite coffee house, a place he no longer had the courage to enter cause he knew he wouldn't find the familiar faces sitting on the orange couch, but for some reason he decided to drop it and head in for a coffee, he froze as soon as he entered, there was a familiar face there today but defiantly not one he wanted to see
"Hey, Ross"
"Hey"
"Wow, it's been a while, how have you been?"
"I've been busy, how are you?"
"I am fine, she said nodding her head, Oh, and this is my husband Victor" she said introducing the man who was standing next to her.
Ross smiled as politely as he could, just what he needed to see another happy couple and it didn't make it any better that it was his ex-girlfriend Mona standing there staring at him, before the inevitable question about him and Rachel came he excused himself grabbing a cup of cappuccino and heading back to his apartment.
He couldn't help but remember the last night she had spent in his apartment, the words came screaming back to him
It's because you mean more to me!
If he did mean more, so much more to her, then why didn't she stay?
So there! There's your goodbye!
That should have been it, he should never have kissed her, slept with her, he should have told her how he felt right then and there, maybe she would have stayed then, maybe he never would have had to take that cab ride to the airport.
Missed another opportunity, that's all he could think off..
His thoughts moved to their final honest exchange of any sort
They're waiting for me, Ross. I can't do this right now, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
What was she sorry for?
I'm so sorry.
Was she sorry for leaving him or loving him?
He felt his eyes brimming up as he wondered about the answer.
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He felt a burning sensation in his eye, lifting his hand he rubbed his eyes with his knuckles, his t-shirt was damp, he could fell himself shivering, a chill ran up his spine as he thought about it… shifting restlessly, his movement woke up the sleeping form next to him, placing an around his stomach, she felt the soggy piece of clothing, she felt him quiver under her touch, she sat up instinctively
"What's the matter, Honey?"
"Nothing" he replied shaking his head, "Nothing" he repeated again.
"Ross, tell me what's the matter, you're sweating, shaking, are you feeling fine?" she asked placing her hand on his forehead to check if he had any temperature.
He didn't say anything, propping himself up, he kissed her, letting his tongue explore every corner of her mouth, she was taken aback by the sudden gesture but kissed back, cupping his face and deepening the kiss, his hands moved around her waist pulling her closer, as he continued the kiss.
They finally broke and he spoke up
"I just had a very weird dream"
"What was it about?" she asked intrigued
"I just had a taste of how my life would have been had you not gotten off the plane".
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You didn't really think I'd be that mean to him did you?
I know I should be continuing my other fic, but wasn't really in lovey dovey mood today, I had half of this written a while ago, I finally got around to finishing it…… let me know what you think…..
P.S. Aren't you glad that she did get off the plane……..