Fear
Remus Lupin walked around in the corridors at Hogwarts slowly. Tonight was a full moon and he was leaving to go to the shrieking shack soon. He wasn't able to have the wolfsbane potion tonight, mainly because Snape was recovering in the hospital wing and there wasn't anyone else who was up to making the potion. Remus stopped when he came to the Entrance Doors. He looked out over the grounds. The sun was now going down and he wasn't sure if there was anything that he had forgotten to do.
He left the castle slowly and walked down towards the Whomping Willow. Every time he looked up at the tree it reminded him of the good old days when he used to come here with James, Peter and... Sirius.
Every time he thought of Sirius it made his heart want to break all over again. They began sleeping together in their fifth year. Remus originally thought it was because he wanted to move on from girls and he wasn't sure who to try it on first but it ended up being something more.
He still loved Sirius, but things were different. He was now a free man and he was making every moment of it count. Remus knew he had been with many people and yet for some reason he always came back to him. Remus wondered if it was because he was an easy target.
When they left school Sirius was only able to remain faithful for a short period. Remus always looked the other way and he now wished he hadn't. It destroyed everything. After the final battle with Voldemort Sirius remained with him for only a short period again and like all the other times he let Sirius return.
Remus sometimes wished he could tell everyone was Sirius was really like. Many people, including men, found him sexually and physically appealing and Remus was no different but the other people only saw Sirius on the surface, they didn't get to know what he was really like deep down.
Remus froze the Whomping Willow and walked through the tunnel until he came inside the Shrieking Shack. He walked to the room with the bed and he sat down. He remembered when he and Sirius used to come in here and make out before everyone found out about them. It still made Remus smile, but also made him feel sad at the same time.
Remus stood up slowly and walked to the window. He looked up at the sky. The full moon was almost up high. He decided to get ready now; he took all of his clothes off and gently placed them underneath the bed. He sat on the floor and waited for the pain to arrive.
As the transformation overtook him, he began to fight it with every ounce of his being, like he always did. Not having the potion made things ten times worse but it wasn't always the most frightening aspect. His dreams were. The dreams he often had during his time as a werewolf were more realistic without the potion, and much more horrifying. It was one of the best things about taking the potion, the dreams weren't always there.
The visions began to assault his mind as reality gradually slipped from his grasp. The room around him became hazy. Heavily tatted drapes grew to cover the windows and he watched in horror as the furniture aged and rotted before his eyes. The duvet on the bed dissolved into the mattress to be replaced by a torn and stained sheet.
There was blood on the bed and blood in streaks on the dusty floor boards. He gasped and sat up suddenly to discover he was naked.
'It's Ok, Moony,' came a whisper from the shadows. Remus spun around on his hands and knees to search for the body that belonged to the voice. He sighed in relief as a young Sirius stepped into the dingy light. 'Your transformation is over now.'
Remus glanced at the blood again quickly. 'Did I...did I hurt anyone?' he asked in a hushed voice. This was always his first question. It was the partner of the last words he always uttered before the moon's corruption was complete: a prayer.
'No Moony.' Sirius sat on the bed and wrapped his arms around his lover.
Remus closed his eyes and took a deep breath. 'Where are the others?'
'James and Peter went back to the castle. They have some homework to finish, I told them I would stay with you and they agreed. You've been back in your human form for over an hour now, I thought you could use the sleep.'
'Thank you,' Remus whispered. He gazed into Sirius' eyes. The dark-haired boy smiled and framed Remus' face in his hand before drawing him into a kiss. Then Sirius slid his hands over Remus' chest and reached down to grasp his aching erection. His tongue darted into his mouth and Remus sighed as he felt Sirius' warmth enter him, trickling down over his body. Then there was a loud clash of thunder.
Suddenly, the room had changed. It was dark and Sirius was standing by one of the windows, prying the drapes loose so he could look out into the storm. Remus glanced down his chest and screamed. The trickling warmth had been blood. It ran down in droplets over his abdomen and pooled in his lap.
'Shut up Remus!' Sirius yelled. 'I didn't mean to hit you, and you know it.'
Remus reached up and discovered the source of the blood flow. He felt the rest of his face and noticed that his left eye was swollen and sore.
'Why? Why did you do it? I only said that I was too tired to have sex with you tonight.'
In another flash of lightening, Sirius was on top of him, pinning him to the bed with his knees. His hands were around Remus' throat. 'I can have anyone I want, ANYONE! I chose you and this is how you repay me? After everything I've done for you? I'm the only one who really cares about you!'
Remus struggled to get out from under the other boy and he struggled to breath. Then, just when fear was closing in to suffocate him, Sirius jumped up from the bed and lifted him roughly by the arm before twisting it behind his back. Sirius shoved him towards the broken window. Remus cried out in pain as shards of glass cut into his bare feet. Rain blew into his face, mingling to drip with the blood as he was forced to look out into the storm.
'Tell me what you see!' Sirius yelled, over the roar of the gale.
Remus squinted in the darkness and tried desperately to focus his eyes. For some reason, he knew he had to answer Sirius' question. The trees beneath the shack whipped wildly in the strong winds. And then, on the ground just beyond his line of sight, something moved. It surged strongly and then it flowed towards the shack.
It was a river overflowing its banks. It was a river of blood.
Remus screamed again but Sirius held onto him tighter.
'All I ever did was love you Remus,' he whispered in a powerful voice. 'I kissed you, I fucked you and I loved you but all you could ever think about were the times that I accidentally hurt you.'
Remus just watched in horror as the river began to lap at the door, rising quickly against the bottom floor.
'And you know I never did it on purpose, I didn't ask you to make me angry.'
The blood was now reaching the bottom of the window. Remus fought to break away from Sirius, but his fingers suddenly began to transform into iron shackles that now encompassed both of his wrists.
'I love you, Remus. Kiss me again. You know how good it feels. You know how much you want it. You know how much I love you. You know how much you want me.'
Now the river had reached the window sill. It paused and swelled. The bubble burst and slid like a red sheet into the room, spraying over Remus' injured feet. He screamed and struggled against his shackles. He slipped and fell into the rising liquid.
He couldn't stand against the swirling flow which was pulling him down. He tried in vain to free his hands. Sirius was gone, but he could still hear his laugh – it was deep, strong and cruel. As lightening shattered the darkness he looked up and saw himself chained to the ceiling above him, wearing nothing but the bonds that held him prisoner.
Then the blood closed in over Remus' face and he could no longer breathe.
Remus bolted upright on the floor, gasping for air. He was in the Shrieking Shack. He was alone.
'Thank Merlin,' he murmured, wiping the sweat on his forehead, 'Thank Merlin.'
The transformation was over and he felt exhausted. But he was afraid to sleep again, for fear that the same dream would return.