Erin
It hadn't come up in a while, that she wasn't his... not really his. Years at best since she'd mulled over the tale of her birthfather and how she came to be. How her mother desperately needed someone to help her raise a baby. How he agreed without condition to be Daddy. How her parents developed a romance around an unexpected child. How she had the perfect family under the strangest of circumstances. She stared at him, watching his fingers work over the controls to guide their small ship. He moved it perfectly through the meteor field. The shards of broken rock surrounded a handful of worlds that made up the largest collection of Bajoran colonies along the Cardassian Border. Being the only two in the forward section gave the glorified shuttle a chilling silence as they broke through the other side. She exhaled sharply, earning a glance from the elder.
"Worry you?"
"I trust you, but..."
"Not completely."
"No, it's just nerve wracking to be in such a small ship." She offered the last awkwardly.
"Check for the Cardassian." He smiled softly at her and returned the ship to the computer's control.
"Turning around. I don't think he wanted to bother with us, not at the risk of his fancy craft." She looked up and studied his back. She was used to the stiff Starfleet protocols both of her parents oozed. Well, more her mother, but her father was every bit a Starfleet Captain that her mother had been before she was even a thought let alone born. Now Erin Janeway watched her father, dressed in the dusky neutrals and clays most Maquis fighters wore. A twinge of guilt hit her. It'd been 6 weeks since she had left earth, bent on fighting the still endless battle between the people on the border and the Cardassians. The two decades of war that had pitted the Federation and the Dominion hadn't deterred the fight against the occupation bent power race, but the rebel fighters were badly needing recruits. When a young man in her class suggested she could be an asset, she jumped at the chance. Starfleet Academy, with it's rigid rules, harsh penalties, and difficult goals didn't push her limits like freedom fighting seemed to. She hadn't counted on her father following her. He showed up two weeks later.
Chakotay glanced back at Erin after another long silence. "What's up?"
"I'm sorry you felt like you had to come after me. You'll lose your commission at best." She wasn't sure he'd thought over it. She was his daughter... coming after her was likely impulsive.
"It's not safe out here. You have no idea what you're getting yourself into." He whispered softly.
"Worth a court martial?" She bit back.
"Over a letter and your discovering your tortured dead body? Absolutely."
She chewed on her lip a moment, not breaking eye contact with him. She was 21 years old and still he had to protect her. Why did it make her so angry? She sighed and pushed at the console so it would pivot away, allowing her to rest her elbows on her knees. "Mom's got to be worried."
"About me or you?" He turned sideways in his chair and crossed his leg over his knee, playing with the hem on the bottom of his pants. "Erin, you're our only child-"
"If there were two or three would you be less likely to come after me?" She interrupted harshly.
He ignored it. "If something happened to you, something I could have saved you from, I would never forgive myself." He eased off the chair and to his knees, putting him close enough to reach up and tuck her short hair behind her ear. "You don't know the area, you don't know the enemy, and not the least of it is you have no idea how to kill... how to be angry enough to have no mercy on your enemy... man, woman, child... we even killed pets." He tried to speak softly as the memories of an angry, bitter existence came back. "I joined the Maquis after nearly ten years in Starfleet. I had the benefit of solid training before I got out here and still I was taken captive, beaten, tortured on more than one occasion. You've had two years of Academy... study. You can't expect to come out here and be a fighter."
"You don't think I'm able to do this?" She asked, a bit of irritation in her voice.
"I don't want you to be able to." He sat and crossed his legs, leaning slightly into the chair behind him. "I want you to be my sweet, smart, innocent girl. I don't want you to be here... the hatred this takes..." Chakotay trailed off, letting his eyes drift to the forward viewport and the planets hanging before them. The computer was slowly guiding them to where their group of Maquis had based itself. He had named himself Captain of their stolen and refitted Starfleet shuttle and had reported in by comm to an old friend, "T.J.".
"I'm not ten anymore and I need a purpose. A few of my close friends have already come here, the people here need us. Maybe the Maquis aren't as strong as they used to be, but the colonies are still here because of them."
"Sounds like a recruiting speech." He mumbled, still staring out at the stars, picturing her at ten telling him she wasn't five anymore. He sighed heavily and his shoulder's sagged before he eased himself off the floor. "When you have to break the neck of a child in front of his parents we'll talk more." He turned and walked through the small door to the aft section leaving her alone.
Erin watched him go, saw the redness of his face and the tears in his eyes and wondered at the last. Had he really killed children? She couldn't swallow that thought and stood to stretch, hoping the movement would lighten her feelings. He didn't know how angry she already was. The injustice burned like a fire in her chest. She had heard for years about the Bajoran people, the Cardassian occupation, the way everything was swept aside with the Federation charters, the rezoning and resettling of the colonies along the demilitarized zone, and her father's dad, Kolopak. He was killed in a brutal attack by the Cardassians. Had her father forgotten all of it in his years since returning to Starfleet?
She sighed and proceeded to follow him to the aft section. Perhaps food would help.
The men and women in the back were engaged in a lively game of poker. Most of them were human, but there was a Bajoran and two Betazoids among them. Chakotay was sitting with the Bajoran, a man named Zev Barna who had served with Chakotay both in Starfleet and the Maquis. They were going over plans for the next attack on a nearby Cardassian prison camp.
Erin poured two cups of coffee and slid onto the bench next to Barna, passing a cup to Chakotay. "Sorry." She mumbled softly.
He smiled without looking up from the PADD in his hand. "We'll talk about it later."
She nodded and leaned over Barna's shoulder. "When are we doing this?"
He handed her the PADD and sighed. "We're not."
"Wise, old friend." Chakotay muttered
"You shouldn't have come back, you bring out the cautious me." He chuckled, a short laugh and than swiped the PADD back from Erin. "And you young lady, should be engaged in studies, courting young men, or playing a romantic holonovel back on Earth. And... safe with your mother."
Erin rolled her eyes.
"I'm not kidding, if I had a daughter out here, she'd be whooped so hard-"
"She's an adult and can make her own decisions." Chakotay's quiet defense silenced Barna's tirade.
"At any rate, this is no place for the young. You have such a life ahead of you." He eyed her over the PADD he was deleting info from.
"Perhaps I choose to be useful here for my life."
"Short life." He almost taunted.
Erin noticed Chakotay's face had paled some. Likely at thoughts of a brutal ending to his young daughter's life. She forced herself to look away from him. She worshipped her father and the idea of him being even a little disappointed with her decisions was killing her.
Chakotay stood and watched the game at the table beyond them for a few minutes before nodding to Erin. "Let's land her and get a good meal before someone tries cooking up here."
Erin grimaced at yet another night of stale rations prepped by someone with no taste buds at all.
They settled the ship down in their assigned spot, quickly disembarking toward "headquarters".
This particular shoot of Maquis rebels were based on the smallest of planets in the Meteor belt cluster. Years ago Chakotay and T.J. had nicknamed it "Grandma's Plate" after a rousing discussion of young boys roughhousing around fragile possessions. The plate in question had been T.J.'s great great grandmother's. He likened the cluster of brightly shining planets and broken pieces of meteorites to that shattered family heirloom and Chakotay had tormented him about it since. The base was made up of several shacks that were linked by crude hallway-like passages. There were two main entrances, one for the common areas and bunks, and a professional building to discuss plans, first aid care and such. Though there were proper places to meet, the group had fought together so long they rarely talked anywhere but the Mess Hall.
Chakotay and Erin were the last of four groups of fighters to return to base for the week and the last of their team to enter the compound. The Mess Hall was packed with noisy and very hungry people of every race. It amazed Erin to see the age ranges, though the largest age group were of her father's. Gray haired, men and woman, scarred, thin and very serious. A different generation of fighter. She hadn't been to this base yet, having been intercepted during her first assignment by Chakotay and the small ship he had commandeered.
"I lived here for quite a few years." He spoke loud enough for her to hear over the noise.
"Do you know many of them?"
Chakotay took her arm and guided her away from a trio of guys bent on mauling each other for the hell of it. "No, while we were still in the Delta Quadrant, we received a letter from a friend of ours telling us most of them-most that we knew well-had been killed in a series of attacks."
"Chakotay!" A shout echoed to them across several tables and Erin saw a human male with long gray hair and a narrow face waving them over.
Chakotay and the man-Erin assumed it was T.J.- embraced tightly before Chakotay made the introductions.
"I'm glad you found her." T.J. spoke gravely. "I had them sending her straight into Cardassian space. If I'd known-"
"Never mind." Chakotay waved him off. "Is it as bad as it looks?"
"It's been a lost cause for a decade or more." T.J. sat and slid his plate to Erin. "The line is long and you look like you could use some food."
"Thanks." She smiled and sat across from him beside Chakotay.
"I plan to take her home, but I imagine she has other ideas." Chakotay eyed Erin who avoided his gaze.
"Good idea. When did you get time to have a family? Weren't you lost? Delta Quadrant? What the hell is with that, man?" He snorted and downed a glass of some sort of alcohol that had been in front of him.
"Long... long story." Chakotay shook his head. "Long story. The family, however, happened since getting back home."
T.J. nodded thoughtfully. "I like stories, you know. There aren't many new ones out here."
"Well, I'm married. One kid..." He tipped his head toward Erin. "As headstrong as her father, if not more so."
"She doesn't look at all like you."
Chakotay smirked. "She's not exactly mine."
T.J. dipped his head to catch Erin's eyes. "But a lot like you in attitude... yeah I can see that pissy young man in her. Where'd you come from than?"
Erin swallowed a bite slowly. "My biological father lived on a planet in the Delta Quadrant. My mother and her crew were taken captive and their minds were slightly altered. She had a brief relationship with him... they never even told me his name." She eyed Chakotay sideways.
"Another very long story." Chakotay added, remembering how resistant Kathryn had been to the idea of being Voyager's captain. He had secretly been terrified that she'd want to stay with Jaffin despite her memories being returned to normal.
T.J. looked truly fascinated. "If we have time, I want more of your Delta Quadrant life."
Chakotay shook his head with a smile. "If, my friend."
"How's B'Elanna? Do you see her?"
"Yes, regularly. We're still very close. She's doing well. Engineering head specialist on new Warp engine designs, Federation ambassador to the Klingons. Married, couple of kids, grandson on the way... It's actually less strange than it sounds."
T.J.'s face had twisted in a mixed expression of confusion and wonder. He shook it off and shrugged. "I am happy to hear it, but it doesn't sound like my Torres."
"People change."
"Have you?" T.J. crossed his arms on the table. "Besides the wife and kid."
"Yes... I'm at peace with things. Most everything at this point. There isn't the turmoil and I'm no longer lost."
T.J.'s eyes reflected something Erin couldn't identify. "I remember the pain and hurt. It's good to hear you've healed from it."
Chakotay simply nodded and patted Erin's shoulder. "We're going to find a place to sleep. It's been a few days."
"Have breakfast with me tomorrow. Tell me more of your peace."
Chakotay grinned and left, Erin trailing behind, deep in thought about her father's other life.
Ask Me No Questions
"I don't know, sir." Kathryn had a lump in her throat and a pain in her chest as she leaned into the screen at her little desk. "He didn't tell me."
The Admiral staring back at her was fuming, his face a deep red. "He was supposed to report for assignment three days ago. You can't tell me you don't know where your husband is."
The accusation stung. "My daughter disappeared several weeks ago. No one's been able to find out where she's gone and I assume he's gone after her, but he did-not-tell-me." She clipped off her words angrily back at him.
He was silent as he skimmed a PADD someone off screen had dropped on his desk. "I have things to do. Notify me immediately when you hear from him. And Admiral..."
Kathryn noted his volatile use of her rank.
"You have a duty to Starfleet before anyone else."
The screen went black and she felt the threat deeply. She had been honest in every word. Chakotay hadn't told her anything, very likely to protect her from this. She had a good idea though. While speaking as a guest lecturer at the Academy she'd sensed a growing interest in the Maquis from most of Erin's class and several more classes that also met in the same Great Hall. Erin herself had been growing notably restless in her studies, her grades had been dropping and she was spending less time with her childhood friends and more time with some of the more rebellious cadets on campus. It bothered Kathryn, but when Erin went missing she feared the worst. She voiced it to no one except Chakotay who took the idea very seriously.
"If she's headed to join the Maquis... Kathryn, she won't live." Chakotay's voice strained against the anguish of a parent who's child had gone missing.
Kathryn's hand went to her mouth instantly. "She wouldn't have...?" She was begging him for any other idea. "Chakotay, she knows better..."
"She's been angry lately, no direction, maybe even depressed... I don't know." He reached for Kathryn's free hand. "Maybe she hasn't, but it was my first thought when Tuvok told us she'd disappeared from Academy Grounds."
"She's been gone for a week. They haven't even figured out how she left... transporter, shuttle, Starfleet vessel or not... She snuck off... she planned this." Kathryn's mind was all over the place and she could feel her chest tighten and her breath becoming shorter. The blood was rushing from her face and hands and the room was tipping around her.
Chakotay stood and steadied her with both hands on her shoulders. "Look at me!" He shook her gently to get her attention. "Kathryn, we will find her."
"Oh God, please tell me she'll be okay..."
He rested a knee beside her on the chair and held her against him, unable to offer her an honest answer.
He was gone the next morning. A bag and clothes missing from the closet. Empty breakfast dish and mug on the table and a slip of paper with a heart drawn on it. The only message and his last way to protect her and her career from whatever fallout his decision to go after Erin would have.
The door chime sounded, startling her and causing her coffee to spill across the desk. "Damn." She muttered as she pulled her jacket off and mopped the spill from the PADDs and comm console. "Come in!" She called from her small office out into the front room. Her window faced the yard, but she hadn't seen anyone coming up the walk.
"Admiral Janeway?" The voice called from the doorway.
"In my office, Riley."
The boy-man really-who appeared in the doorway was easily as tall as Chakotay, 23 years old with shocking red hair, freckles and bright green eyes. The Irish accent he sported as a child had all but disappeared, showing up only during particular ballads and sonnets of a drunken variety and when he was highly upset. The latter was true now. "Admiral, where is she? Where is Erin?"
Kathryn stared at him before dropping into her chair and pointing to the one across from her.
He shook his head, but stepped quickly down the two steps into the office to lean against the back of it. "Tell me she didn't..."
"I don't know... I don't know anything." She felt like she was convincing herself as she studied the man in front of her. "Riley-she's been gone for a month and a half. I-" She stopped talking and swallowed hard.
Riley sat, his already ashen face even more so. "She didn't say a word to me." He sounded hurt and he settled his hands on the desk, holding the edge as if to steady himself. "She's avoided me for months. I assumed her Academy friends were more interesting and she was starting a new life there."
Riley and Erin had become fast friends when his family moved to the neighborhood. They were 9 and 7 at the time, just over a year between them, though she was always worlds shorter than he. He had been the quiet, shy kid on the block and Erin, ever the friendliest of children quickly ushered him into her circle, dragging the tradionalist child along on every stargazing trip, every venture out to Vulcan to see Tuvok, every detour through Mars colony where Kathryn taught them to swim. Anything that would get them access to the universe, she would take him along.
Now, an old fashioned young man, raising animals on his family farm and studying medicine in his spare time over long nights was sitting in Kathryn's simple, but very modern office, asking where his childhood best friend had gone.
She couldn't give him an answer. "She's been different here, too." She tried to ease his mind. "She doesn't come home for dinner and she's been skipping classes... it's not you."
"That should've helped, huh?" The color had returned some, obviously relieved to know she didn't just dump her best friend, but he was still gripping the desk.
"Some of the guys on the tennis court mentioned she may have gone to the Bajoran homeworld." He was digging now.
"It's been one theory. Her father disappeared a few weeks ago, I assume he has an idea where she is. I haven't heard from either of them."
Riley pushed his own worries aside and really looked at Kathryn for the first time since he came in. "You look sick."
"Wouldn't you be?" She asked dryly.
"I am." He whispered. "Erin and I had started to get... closer. Until a few months ago I had been thinking about asking her out. Than she was suddenly distant, uninterested in spending any time together. If that's where she went-"
"She didn't want to hurt you...or us." Kathryn whispered, now certain of where she'd gone.
"I hear the Maquis aren't in good shape."
"You hear a lot for a sheltered tradionalist boy." Kathryn chuckled slightly, thinking of the many fights she'd had with his parents to take him on trips or off world at all.
He smiled. "Hanging around that Janeway kid has always given me the bigger picture despite being so sheltered."
She laughed a little more deliberately and shook her head. "I have to get to Headquarters... I'm already late, but I promise I'll keep you updated."
He stood and sighed. "Admiral, if you hear anything... please tell her I want her to come home... I wanted to take her to Italy..."
"She's always wanted to see Italy." Kathryn smiled painfully. "We never made the time... and it was so simple a request."
He nodded. "Please tell her."
"I will."