Something Inside So Strong, a hollyoaks fanfic

AN: This is set after the party at halls that resulted in the students collapsing of carbon monoxide poisoning. You should also probably know, I'm not the biggest fan of Justin and Katy's relationship, but I absolutely adore Justin. And some of the flashbacks may be wrong, but I cant remember them all perfectly. I wouldn't say there's an actual storyline behind this, it's just a bit of actual storyline, with my extras thrown in.

Something Inside So Strong

He'd always hated hospitals. No matter how brave he tried to be, he couldn't deny that the scent of the corridors made his stomach do somersaults. The sound of shoes rubbing against the shiny clean floors sent shivers down his spine. And the sight of so many sick people just brought back the painful memories of losing the three people he'd loved most in the world.

He'd paced this corridor many times now he was starting to feel dizzy. He'd been waiting for what felt like hours and nobody seemed to be doing anything. Why wasn't anybody telling him anything? He'd tried in vain to get in contact with Warren, but his phone just switched to voicemail. Three messages later and he figured he'd best stop. He wasn't helping the situation by stressing himself out.

He circled the rim of the polystyrene cup with his thumb numerous times. The coffee inside was half drunk and cold. But circling the rim was giving him something to do and probably the only thing holding him back from grabbing the nearest passing doctor and demanding to know what was going on.

He'd seen at least three different doctors and nurses go in and out now and not one of them had acknowledged him. Not even a glance in his direction. He prayed silently for one of them to glance at him, just so he could see the look in their eyes. At least then he could see the look in their eyes and hopefully see something that would tell him what to expect. Instead they'd just kept their heads hung low and gone in the opposite direction.

An hour and a half had passed now, and he'd still heard nothing. His neck was throbbing from the power nap he'd managed to take whilst sat upright. His head was banging and his stomach was still doing those damn somersaults. He glanced down the hallway. Not a soul was around. He wondered if someone had been in whilst he was napping. Standing from the chair and stretching his arms and legs to help them regain some of the feeling they'd lost, he headed for the hospital room and walked in as quietly as possible.

She was lay flat on the hospital bed. Her face was a pale colour and she looked sadly lost against the crisp white of the bed linen covering her. Her hair was swept to one side and her lips were cracked from were the nights make up had slowly wore off.

He felt his throat tighten and tears formed in front of his eyes. She looked so... fragile. He was so tempted to just sweep her into his arms and hold her until she woke, just so he'd definitely be the first face she'd see when she eventually woke.

He pulled a chair from the corner of the room and placed it as close to her bed as he possibly could, before seating himself on it. He reached for her hand and clasped it between both of his, kissing it ever so gently.

She was in the passengers side of the car. A gag had been wrapped around her mouth. Her eyes were a whirlpool of both hurt and fear. She was staring right at him. He realised she knew everything. He felt sick at the realisation that he'd been the one to put her there. To put her life in danger. He knew he was taking a huge gamble, but he needed to save her.

Her eyelids flickered gently, and her eyes were furiously scanning the room, trying to figure out where she was and why she was there. She saw his face from the corner of her eye. He smiled at her and mumbled something, before her eyelids shut again.

He'd called in the nearest doctor he could find who confirmed that she'd been drifting in and out of consciousness for a few hours, and was likely to keep doing so for a few more hours.

He was walking through the village the first time he'd seen her. She was wearing a pair of denim shorts, a floral top and cream coloured jacket. Her hair was blowing against the gentle breeze, but she had the most beautiful smile he'd ever seen across her face. He'd waited for her to enter the shop and then walked in himself. Pretending that he was actually wanting the chewing gum he found himself paying for. He'd said something to her and then held out his hand and shook hers. 'Justin' he introduced himself. She flashed him that smile. 'Katy'

She paid for her bottled water and left the shop, without even saying goodbye to him. He stood in the shop, still clutching the chewing gum he'd paid for, but had no intention of actually chewing.

He wasn't sure exactly how long he'd been staring at that page of the magazine for, but he had no idea of what was written. The words were swimming in front of him, wearing him out.

He rolled the magazine up and tapped it lightly against the arm of the chair. He glanced at the clock on the wall. Visiting hours ended in half an hour, but it didn't matter, because he'd come back tomorrow, and the day after, until she was allowed home. Then he'd spend the rest of his life with her.

He reached for her jacket that was draped across the end of the bed, picking up the photo that fell from the pocket as he did so. There they were, staring back at him. His arms was placed casually around her waist and she was resting her head on his shoulder. They were both smiling happily. It was the first photo they'd ever had taken together, in one of those photo booths that you find in the middle of shopping centres.

It was slowly fading away and the edges were torn slightly. He wondered how long she'd had it in her pocket. He wondered if she remembered that day as clearly as he did. He vowed to himself they'd have plenty more of those days in the future.

She was sat on the sofa, her legs tucked neatly beside her. He sat next to her and smiled gently. Ever since he'd met her, he'd craved to spend more time with her. He hadn't intended to fancy her. He knew she was off limits. Warren had warned him, but he couldn't help the way he felt.

He felt the sofa dip slightly as she edged closer to him. He turned his head slightly. She was right next to him. He wanted to ask her what the hell she thought she was doing, but he couldn't. She seemed to have some strange hold over him.

He didn't object as she brought her lips to his and placed the softest kiss he'd ever had deep within his memory. He felt his own response as he allowed their lips to stay together. For the first time, they became one.

He sat on the chair beside her bed, his hand holding onto hers, silently praying for her to wake up. Every so often, he would take a strand of hair that had fallen across her face, and tuck it gently behind her ear and then he'd lightly stroke her cheek, just so she knew he was there. He only had twenty minutes left with her, and she still hadn't been aware of his presence. He gently squeezed her hand, hoping she'd squeeze back. He told numerous jokes - mainly old ones that she hated with a passion - just to see if he could provoke a reaction from her, but her eyelids remained closed and still. He wondered if she'd ever come back to him. He wondered if - like everything else he touched - she'd fade from his life, and he'd once again find himself alone. One nurse - Julie, he thinks her name was, had told him she was stable. Had told him she was just sleeping, but with memories of his sisters and Becca, he was finding it hard to believe that in the circumstances.

His mouth was starting to feel dry - another occurance he got every time he was in a hospital. He dug his hand into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out whatever change he could. Three pound coins and a ten pence piece. He glanced at her, pondering whether he should leave her to go and find himself the nearest coffee machine. He had wanted to stay by her side, so badly, but the dryness in his throat was screaming for a cure.

He brought a gentle kiss to her forehead and promised he'd be back soon. Turning to leave, he wondered if, had she heard him anyway, she'd actually believed him. After all, it wouldn't be the first promise he'd broken.

She was screaming at him to tell her the truth. Begging him to lift this huge weight from her. A weight he wasn't sure he could lift. A black streak of mascara was running down her cheek. His heart broke at the sight of her. At what he'd done to her. He pleaded with her not to go. To give him the chance to explain. But she refused to back down. How could he explain something so vile? How could he take away another persons life out of spite?

She wasn't sure what hurt more; the fact he'd lied to her, or the fact he hadn't told her. She knew the minor details of his relationship with Becca, they were things she'd hear around town. People would point at her in the street and say things like 'That's the girl that goes out with Justin boy. The one that had the affair with the teacher'. That was as much as she knew. She wasn't aware she needed to know anything else. It wasn't like he was still with Becca. Becca was gone and she was sorry for that, but Justin wasn't to blame for that. How could he be?

But he had been. She'd been forced to listen in horror as Louise explained everything to her. Not that she'd heard most of it. Her mind was racing with confusion. Why would Justin do that? That wasn't the person she was in love with. She'd stopped listening after Louise told her that part. She wanted to hear the rest from him. She wanted him to tell her everything.

He left her room and the first people he'd seen were Mercedes, Jacqui and John Paul McQueen. They hadn't seen him, not at first anyway. Their eyes were transfixed on the lifeless figure in the room they were waiting outside. He offered them a sympathetic smile, knowing exactly what they were going through. He might not have known Carmel that well, but he knew what it felt like to wonder if saying goodbye to someone you love would be the last time you ever did.

Then he'd ran into Jess. He'd wondered why she'd been there at first, given that she'd been given the all clear when they were in the SU Bar. Then he remember Zak. He'd been the student to come worse off. He told Jess about Katy's current condition, having being asked, and then he asked her how the rest of the students were. Jess had said they were all fine and that Zak was free to go home. He'd smiled to himself. There was hope for Katy yet.

She was crying by the time he'd stopped talking. She'd listened as he'd explained how he'd fallen in love with Becca. How they's planned their whole lives. How she'd snatched that away from him in only a matter of minutes. She couldn't forgive what he'd done. And she couldn't understand why he'd done it. But he had. He'd taken a recipe of truth, mixed with betrayal and conjured up the revenge. Now both he and Becca had paid the ultimate price.

He hadn't expected to see the sight he had as he walked back into her hospital room. She was sitting up, smiling to herself. For a moment, he was certain he'd been seeing things. Only a few minutes ago, she'd been unable to open her eyes. Unable to do anything. Now she was sitting up, smiling to herself. He approached her hospital bed, his stomach turning, waiting for her to notice him. Waiting for her to scream at him to get out. Instead she reached out her hand for his. He smiled a relieved smile and clasped his own with hers. Without saying a word, he pulled himself to her and wrapped his arms around her, vowing never to let her go again. And he's meant it, in every sense of the word.

He pulled back, remembering what he'd put her through. Wondering if she'd wanted to same he had. But as his eyes cast towards to table beside her bed, he spotted the very same photo he'd held only hours earlier. It was in full view for the world to see. She followed his gaze and smiled.

If she hadn't still been weak, he'd kiss her all over and vow never to stuff up again. She told him that, even though they may be back together, she still needed to get her head around everything. He promised not to rush her. Told her to take all the time she needed. He wasn't sure of where that left him exactly. But she'd held him only minutes earlier. She'd smiled at him with a smile only he ever got. She'd given him that reassurance that all was not lost. And he was grateful to her for that.

They'd announced to everyone - well, Warren anyway - that they were back together. That they were going to make it work. Warren had his doubts, of course he did. Like every big brother, he wanted to protect his little sister. She was all he had, and vise versa, and he hadn't intended to lose her over Justin Burton.

His stomach was doing somersaults, but he wasn't quite sure why. Was it the fact he felt a huge connection to this amazing person? Or was it just the fear of getting close to Warren Fox's sister? Something told him it was a mixture of both.

He couldn't say he blamed Warren for being so protective. He'd been the one to bring Katy up. He knew her better than anyone in the world. She wasn't just his little sister, she was his best friend. There was nothing Justin could do to change that. He just needed to oppurtunity to prove to Warren he wasn't about to break her heart. He wasn't about to become another person that would love and leave her when she needed him most.

She packed the final item, the teddy bear he'd left her, into the top of her suitcase and pulled the zip round, sealing it for the final time. She sat back on the bed, exhausted. The last few weeks finally catching up with her. She was about to lie down again when she heard the door open. She turned and came face to face with him. Neither said a word. It was a given that they didn't need to, as long as they knew the other was near.

He smiled and threw his arms around her, kissing her so tenderly, she was sure she was dreaming. He clasped her hand, his fingers entwined between hers. Helping her from the bed, he pulled her jacket over her shoulders to save her from the bitter chill outside. Having been given the nod from the doctor, he wrapped an arm around her waist to support her as they walked from the hospital together. Back to reality, but with a brand new start.