I wrote this short story because I was inspired by a great song called The Reason by Hoobastank. I really suggest you listen to it! In my opinion, it's exactly what young Severus Snape would have said to Lily all those years ago if he hadn't been a teenager fumbling for the right words! :D I don't own anything Harry Potter related, or the song The Reason.
The Reason
Severus Snape slumped in his chair, staring unseeingly at the embers of the dying fire in his living room. He had been like that for quite some time, and his muscles were starting to ache from being in the same position for so long. But he couldn't bring himself to care. All he could do was sit and stare at the fire.
And think.
He had been doing a lot of thinking lately.
Sometimes, he wished he could stop thinking, because the thoughts that were swirling around inside his head were not always the nicest of thoughts. Well, he could argue against that. The subject of most of his thoughts was a beautiful, charismatic young woman. Her bright smile was always one of his favorite memories. But they weren't always the nicest of thoughts because each one of them brought pain.
The pain of loving her and not having his love returned.
The pain of knowing that he was the reason their friendship dyed, all because of that cruel, bitter name. Mudblood.
The pain of knowing that he caused her death; he was the reason she no longer breathed.
NO! His mind debated. He wasn't the one who muttered the curse that ended her life.
I might as well have he thought. It was his fault that Lord Voldemort thought he had to kill her to become all-powerful.
But, wait-Lord Voldemort hadn't needed to kill her. He wanted to kill her son.
And that was the reason that Severus Snape was thinking so much.
When Severus had appeared before Dumbledore, struggling to hold in his tears, and possibly a mental breakdown, he hadn't really been expecting to receive a job. Not really a job; much more like a task. An assignment.
Dumbledore wanted Severus to protect her son.
"He has her eyes, precisely her eyes."
Blackmail. That's what Dumbledore was doing to him. Blackmailing him so that he would be forced to care for a boy who would be a constant reminder of what he could have had, if he hadn't ruined it.
But the boy was also proof of her, a living memory of her existence.
Severus sighed. He felt as if her sharp green eyes, sparkling like the sea in the sun, were staring right at him, judging him, trying to determine if he had really changed.
He wasn't perfect; he knew that for a fact. He had done many things he wasn't proud of. He grimaced as the word mudblood flashed through his mind again, bright and burning, like lightning. But he also knew that he had learned from his mistakes. It was just like when he was trying to invent a new potion or spell: he made mistakes, and he fixed them. He kept trying until he figured out his problem, and the potion or spell eventually became complete.
In his own past, he had made many mistakes. He was still fixing a few of them. Helping this boy, her son, could be a way to fix his deepest regret.
I have changed Severus thought. It took a while, but I did. And there's a reason I started over, a reason I became someone better.
Lily.
The subject of many of his thoughts.
Lily.
The love of his life.
Lily.
The reason he changed into someone new.
I will protect your son, Lily. Always.