Disclaimer: Kazuki Takahashi owns Yugioh. I'm just using his characters for a while.
A/N: Just something to warm up your winter. Or chill it up. I dunno. It's a winter fic, that's what it is. Also, mild yaoi. Oh, that'll heat things up for sure.
It's getting cold now. Really cold. Ryou has to bundle up in scarves and sweaters if he doesn't want his skin to chill. He puts mittens on so his fingers won't freeze. The worst part is his bones though. Whenever the wind blows his bones feel like ice and he knows he can't wrap a scarf around cold marrow.
He likes the winter but today is just miserable outside. The weather reporter said to expect ice and snow (maybe hail) and he knows he's in for the worse, walking all the way to school.
It really shouldn't be this bad- it's not like he lives in the country or up in the mountains- he lives in the city. The city! The buildings should at least block some of the blizzard chills, but it just keeps coming, as if it's falling straight from the sky.
He shivers when he leaves his building. Everyone else on the street is dressed the same way he pretty much is. He feels like just another cow in the herd, doomed to endure the cold weather in hopes of a plentiful spring.
Spring- when he can walk down the street in a thin t shirt and buy cream puffs from the bakery. The cream will make his whole mouth warm. Even if it's already a bright sunny day.
When he gets to school he gets glomped by half the females in his grade. They love him. They want him to be a male cheer leader. He makes his excuses as he sheds his outer garbs- he has bad coordination and he's clumsy. By the time he sits at his desk most of them have wondered off. A few stragglers oggle him from a distance, but he finds it easy to ignore them.
He has his own oggling to do.
He likes Seto Kaiba.
He likes Seto Kaiba. It's odd, and he finds himself laughing in the mirror when he thinks about it. It must be the fact that Kaiba creates video games, games Ryou actually likes. The kind that fill Ryou's imagination even as he sleeps. It must have been their shared sense of sadism that caused Ryou to fill his shelves with them even though they don't sell as well as Duel Disks. It's thrilling to play those sort of video games, especially since he can't expect anyone to play Monster World with him anymore.
Which is exactly why he keeps telling himself that Yami Bakura is out to ruin his life...even if his life isn't the main aim.
Regardless, the kind of games Kaiba creates makes him a real hero in Ryou's book (despite the other's tendency to jump off high buildings). He'd like to be with Seto Kaiba one day. He entertains himself with those thoughts when he's really bored:
Seto Kaiba's hands are surprisingly soft against Ryou's skin (though by far, Ryou's skin is much softer). Kaiba likes to play with Ryou's hair, he likes the color white after all (doesn't he?). Reminds him of his Blue Eyes White Dragons.
He lays Ryou down and then expects Ryou to peel off his own clothes very slowly in front of him. It'll be Kaiba's bed so the sheets are of the highest quality and the bed itself is the biggest one Ryou's ever laid in.
Ryou will unbutton his shirt and moan while doing so. That'll get Kaiba off- he's sure.
Then the sex will be surprisingly soft and sofisticated. Slow and sensual. They both have a to look prim and proper by tomorrow, don't they?
But more than that Ryou will enjoy being warm in the dead cold of winter. Another body by his side and the supposed (he's never actually done it with another person before) dizzy feeling of post climax.
Too bad Ryou isn't very good at initiating things. He'll probably just let this crush blow over like the cold weather outside.
That's when Yami Bakura starts tapping in.
"Duel him." Yami Bakura says. His voice is commanding.
"Why, what for? I'll just lose." Ryou says to himself, thousands of thoughts going off at once.
"I'll make sure you won't lose." Yami Bakura says. He snickers.
"I can't trust you." Ryou whispers.
"The spoils of war could be a kiss, or something more to your liking..." Says the other poisonously.
"No, I already said-" But it's not enough. Ryou can't see anything but black now.
Then he's awake and sitting across from him is Seto Kaiba. He looks pissed. His eyes remind Ryou of the blue fire you see at the bottom when you light a gas burner. The blue part of the flame is supposed to be the hottest.
He looks down. He's holding Duel Monster cards. There's cards on the desk. Kaiba has his Blue Eyes White Dragon on the his side of the field, but Ryou spells out the words on his own side.
D-E-A-T-H.
He won. He's not even sure how he did it but he won. It's exciting him.
There's girls around him. They start cheering.
"Yay! Bakura-kun won!"
"It looked close, but I knew Bakura-kun would win."
"I'm so happy he won!"
The crowd is erratic but all Ryou can do is stare at the cards on his field and Kaiba's cold, fiery eyes. Ryou starts feeling a little guilty then- he's not even sure how he won and he feels guilty.
Ryou expects a laugh but Yami Bakura has been silent this whole time.
Seto Kaiba clears his throat but no none notices (expect Ryou). He clears his throat again to no avail. Then he stands up, suddenly and rather brusque. His chair screeches on the floor and everyone shuts up and watches him.
"You won." He says. Ryou can tell he's trying to keep his voice monotone. His glare is icy, as cold as the winds blowing outside. "Therefore I consent to have a relationship with you."
If the crowd was silent before, they're speechless now.
Ryou doesn't know if he should be surprised or embarrassed. He knows he's definitely not happy to have a (mutual?) relationship with his crush.
"Ba-Bakura-kun's gay?!" Squeels a blonde-brunnete mix.
"I'm so sad he won now." Says one out of Ryou's range of view.
"I'm- I'm going to go back to Otogi-kun." Cries the fat one.
Seto Kaiba just stands there, rather gravely. His gaze is full of fury and Ryou's getting uncomfortable under everyone's stares. He stands up and excuses himself. He walks straight out of the class and into the bathroom.
He looks in the mirror, his brow furrowing.
"I never wanted this." He sighs. Not only did he completely ruin his own reputation, he also probably put a pretty big stab wound in Seto Kaiba's pride. He'd rather be a microscopic speck on Seto Kaiba's radar than in his line of fire.
Not to mention the harassment he will have to go through in school now. Students from every class, girl and boy, will now sickeningly loathe him. Even the teachers might (that gym teach especially)- And that's just in school, the media will explode with the knowledge of Seto Kaiba's sexual orientation. They always do when some J-Pop star comes out.
He stands there for a good five minutes staring at himself in the mirror. He doesn't even know what the time is and what class is starting now but it doesn't matter to him. He knows he really shouldn't care about the others. It's not like he ever felt especially bonded to most of his classmates anyway. It's not like he's going to miss the girls glomping him every chance they get. The boys will probably treat him more or less the same.
Yami Bakura has been silent.
Ryou starts feeling really cold. He's in a school bathroom in February after all. The cold bites through his school uniform straight to his gut. He feels like he's going to throw up- probably more from the embarrassment than the winter chill- but it's not helping. It's quiet in the bathroom and he can hear foot steps and talking from the outside. Everyone's so loud. They're probably spreading the news about him right now.
He's not even fond of vomiting. He finds it disgusting. He thinks it's a waste of food. But he heads to stall the anyway. The rush of heat to his face and the feeling in his throat tell him everything.
He knows his mind is making it a lot worse than it really is.
He's bending over the toilet when he hears the door open. He doesn't care, let that person see. Let that person see what a mockery Ryou Bakura has become.
He feels a hand on his back. Is it Yuugi-kun? Is it his comforting hand of friendship? Then the hand on his back becomes more forceful and he's pulled out of the stall.
"I don't have time for relationships." Barks Seto Kaiba in his face.
"I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean for any of this to happen." He confesses. Kaiba's hand is still forceful on his back. It seems he got over his initial shock-moodiness from before.
His blue eyes are still fiery. If Ryou were dueling him (not just sitting there in victory), he'd be staring into the same eyes. Ryou's nausea still isn't gone- in fact it's worse looking into Seto Kaiba's face.
"You're ridiculous." Says Kaiba. He's growling.
"I'm sorry this happened." Ryou says. He's gasping, trying to keep his stomach from coming out. His chest is heavy.
"You're not happy you won over me? Is my loss meaningless to you?"
"No. Of course not. I never wanted-" There are black spots on his eyes.
"You won't honor my loss?"
It's at the back of his throat.
Ryou's not even sure how to answer. Everything he could say could be wrong in some way. Everything could be lost in translation, the gap between Seto Kaiba and Ryou Bakura and Yami Bakura.
Ryou bows his head and whispers. "I'm sorry." His vision is dizzy and he can feel the heat in his head, a screaming pressure begging to be let out.
Kaiba loosens his grip. He grinds his teeth and says, "Yuugi, too. He never honored his victory over you."
Ryou blinks. He knows he can say a lot of things by just blinking- none of those things can be taken in the wrong way.
"During my tournament. He never took your rarest card even though those were the rules. He didn't care."
Oh yes. That time. Ryou Bakura wasn't really part of that whole fiasco. Were those the rules? It hardly matters now. What point is Kaiba trying-
"However, the rules we've been playing with are different." Kaiba loosens his shirt and places his hand forcefully on Ryou's shoulder. "I'll be better than Yuugi. I'll follow your rules."
His hands crawl up Ryou's uniform. When Ryou doesn't respond he guides Ryou's hand under his own shirt.
Ryou's hands start to roam. This is exciting- feeling up Seto Kaiba like this. It's experimenting. It's the things he's fantasized about. But this is also...
At first he stops himself, asks himself if he really wants to do this. Raging hormones are going crazy and screaming yes! But this experience is supposed to be something special, isn't it? He shouldn't just do it now, in a school bathroom, he could get expelled.
And the person in question he's doing it with- he can't say that he really loves him. He'd like more than anything to just walk out and climb under his covers in his bed. Sleep and play sadistic video games.
But Ryou also knows he has nothing else to lose. Maybe he might actually enjoy it.
These are his spoils of war.
His nausea's gone, he finally notices. Something else is welling up in his stomach.
It actually might feel go-
Then there's blackness. Great vacuous darkness and nothing else. The first sensation he feels is not the warmth he's been anticipating but rather something cold. Bathroom floor tile cold.
His vision is blurry when he wakes. At first he feels an ache on his back. It hurts like waking up on the wrong side of the bed. He feels wet in certain places. His body is in a cold sweat.
He's on the cold bathroom floor staring up at the ceiling. At first he thinks he fainted. Then he thinks better of it.
It must have happened- him, Seto Kaiba, that experience. It really did happen...but not to him.
He pants as he tries to sit up. Seto Kaiba is leaning against the wall too. He's breathing hard, putting his clothes on and Ryou goes red when he realizes his pants are down. He quickly pulls them up.
Ryou tries to look in Kaiba's eyes, to see what he might be thinking but Kaiba only turns his head away.
As Kaiba straightens the collar of his shirt Ryou notices the red marks and bites on his skin. He feels himself. Feels the burn he must have got from sliding on the floor.
Kaiba just walks out, cursing about the ugly red marks. His words "I don't have time for a relationship" echo in Ryou's head.
Ryou takes a very long time to straighten up. He looks at himself in the mirror. There are no bite marks on him- nothing to prove it actually happened. His sweat has made his whole body cold. He shivers.
In the pit of Ryou's stomach something withers away. He can't name it, he's not even sure what it is- it's just the feelings he's getting at the moment. It's stirring like a blender inside and will probably amount to nothing. He stares at the mirror, right at his dark eyes and names the feeling hopelessness.
He walks out of the bathroom and finds his way to the classroom. He can't look at anyone. He doesn't want to see their faces. All the embarrassment, all the shame, is his to endure even though he started none of it.
He doesn't feel anything until he gets outside.
The first emotion that comes is anger.
It was meaningless. That whole ordeal. The reason why he's going to get picked on like never before. He didn't even get- He's just the collateral damage of the whole situation. Yami Bakura's puppet.
He kicks at the snow with his feet. Cold snow. It'll soak his socks if he kicks long enough but he doesn't care at the moment.
There's no stone to kick at and no wind to blow on him but it's icy hell outside. It doesn't matter though- he feels that way on the inside too.
As much as he tries to convince himself that Yami Bakura isn't out to ruin him he knows the spirit still stole from him. Stole from him his first sacred sexual experience- the one thing that epitomizes so many peoples' teenage years, so many peoples' lives..
His hot tears are trailing down his face; freezing over and making ice patterns on his cheeks.
He hears the crunch of snow and- how embarrassing- someone's going to find out he's crying. If it's a boy he'll be laughed at, if it's a girl he'll be fussed over to death. Nothing can be worse than-
Seto Kaiba stares at him straight in the eye as if discerning. Attempting to discover something that isn't there, or knowing what it is and just not telling him. Whatever it is it's very unsettling and makes Ryou choke on more sobs out of pity for himself.
"I know it wasn't you." Kaiba says in the lowest tone he can, as if there's gravel in his throat.
There's nothing he can say to Seto Kaiba. He can only acknowledge him with a nod, as messy and teary as his face must be at the moment.
"No, it wasn't me." He can't look at those eyes. It feels like he's getting scolded. "I never wanted any of it."
Maybe that's a lie. Maybe some part of him wanted it, but not the part of him that's him now. (Not even Yami Bakura could cancel out Ryou's innate mood swings.)
Kaiba doesn't wait for another excuse, he grabs Ryou by the shoulder and kisses him on the mouth. A hot greedy kiss that isn't romantic but is more than what anyone can hope for out of Seto Kaiba. He doesn't stop until he's out of breath- which for Ryou is far passed the out-of-breath stage.
Ryou pants, his breath visible in the cold. It's a bitch to inhale, making the warmness from the kiss disappear and the cold reenter him. Kaiba moves in to kiss him again but he pushes him away.
"Why are you doing this?" Ryou stammers. He's not sure if he can survive another kiss from Kaiba.
"I'm giving you your prize." Kaiba states frankly, as if it's just another matter of business.
Somehow, the statement doesn't depress Ryou like he knows it should, like being another article on the agenda should feel like. It feels kind of nice.
A wind blows up then and Ryou starts shaking- badly. His socks are soaked, his face is freezing and he's overcome with the sincerity (should he call it that?) of someone he barely knew five minutes ago. Two minutes ago.
Kaiba puts his school jacket on him, which only makes Ryou shake more because no one's ever done that for him before.
"Thanks." He says, tears welling up and freezing all over again. He's had a rough day and it's mindfucked the precious balance of his emotional state.
Kaiba has a look in his eyes of 'don't mention it', but then, Ryou can't think of single person he would mention it to. Or a single person who isn't starting at him since school just got out and he's right in the courtyard.
Oh well. He thinks to himself. I'll be graduated soon enough. He's going to be saying that a lot from now on, he's sure.
He walks with Seto Kaiba out the front gates and the two go their separate ways. Not really the way he expected his first meeting with a lover to go, but he's grateful for the jacket and the... love? affection? whatever you call it.
He walks lightly in his dampened shoes, breath rising up from the smile that's starting to break on his face. Little circles of vapor reassure him of the warmth inside himself.
Breath puffs- they're not as sweet as cream puffs, but they're there on the coldest, darkest day of winter.
Thank you for reading. Please tell me what you liked about it- or didn't like.
A/N: Oh well. I'll but graduated soon enough. Isn't that the state of mind of every Senior in high school? Except Ryou's probably a Junior in this fic to match up with the whole time line... which really isn't all that explicit anyway. Actually, now that I think about it, I'm just more unsure what grade he's supposed to be in. Oh well. It doesn't really matter in this case.
I guess this fic could go two ways, because if Ryou really did throw up things would have gone quite differently. But it would have been really funny too. Or gross. Or both. I'm rambling too much but everyone knows a/n's are code word for mini-blog.