I'm a definite Delena shipper and, with TVD going on all of these breaks, I need to see some Delena goodness...even though this is more of a humor than romance story. Just a one-shot for now, but possibly more depending on the feedback. :) Warning: some are long, some are short.

So all the background you need is this: Everything's as it is now. Damon's a vampire, Elena's human, Stefan's bipolar, Klaus is a douche (a hot one). Damon tries out a few pick-up lines on Elena, some more effective than others.

"Dinner"

Elena sighed as she pulled up to the boarding house a few hours after school ended. She'd been avoiding Stefan since he accused her of having feelings for Damon, and had been avoiding Damon for the same reasons. She didn't want to get close to him to see the truth of Stefan's statement. And, surprisingly, Damon had been steering clear of Elena as well. Ever since Rebekah had tortured him, Damon avoided Elena like the plague.

She wondered if Damon knew she was here. The only reason she was was because Alaric had been at the Salvatores's 24/7 lately, which she was incredibly suspicious of, and he felt guilty so he told her - not asked, told - to come over because they'd ordered pizza.

"Ric?" Elena called as she walked in. She figured they were a little past knocking at this point. When there was no answer she instead yelled, "Stefan? Damon?" She wondered if they were in the kitchen, but decided to just go back to her car to get her phone. Surely one of the vampires would have heard her if they were here.

She turned to leave but instead found a tall wall of black in her way, and she put her hands on it to steady herself. Her heart hammered as she wondered if it was Klaus, but instead she saw herself looking up at Damon's cocky smirk. "Well, hello there, Elena," he said in that voice he had. "May I ask what you're doing here?"

"Ric told me to come for pizza," she said, immediately taking her hands off of Damon's chest and stepping back a few paces. She then looked over her shoulder, as if Alaric or Stefan might suddenly pop up. "Where is Alaric?"

"Went to get the pizza." Damon started walking towards the kitchen, and Elena followed. He pulled a blood bag out of the freezer and glanced at the clock above the stove as she took a seat at one of the stools. "He left almost twenty minutes ago, and he's not answering his phone, so I sent Stefan looking for him." When he saw Elena's confused gaze, he rolled his eyes. "Okay, so we might have gotten into a little argument before he got the pizza. Didn't figure he'd want me to be his savior if he was in distress."

Elena worriedly looked out the window. If Alaric was in trouble, she needed to go. Do something. She'd lost Jenna, and in a way Jeremy, and she sure as hell wasn't going to lose the closest thing to family she had left. But at the same time, if it were anything too serious, Damon would be out there. She knew not to worry.

"What have you and Ric been doing lately anyway?" she asked. She watched Damon carefully, and caught the confident smirk on his face leave for just a moment to a stressed expression, but he covered it well. "He's been getting up at the crack of dawn to come over and doesn't get back until three AM some nights." Elena furrowed her eyebrows and watched Damon suspiciously. "Please tell me this has nothing to do with those stakes you lost."

"What?" Damon looked genuinely appalled to have that brought up, but at the same time Elena knew he was a good actor. "Of course it doesn't. That's over." He went back to his blood bag, but not before he mumbled, just loud enough for Elena to hear, "At least until we figure these bloodlines out."

They let the subject drop and instead talked about strategies on how they were going to find out which Original had, very indirectly, changed Damon and Stefan. They couldn't kill that one if they wanted to live, and they hoped desperately it wasn't Klaus.

Finally Damon's phone vibrated, and he flashed a smirk at Elena as he whipped it out to answer it. "Hello, Stefan," he said cheerfully. Within a few moments, Elena noticed his expression grow a little more serious. "You're sure? I can come and help if you need. You got it under control? Okay, then." Damon snapped his phone shut and looked at Elena. "Alaric went all crazy killer again," he said casually. Elena stammered but Damon finished, "Stefan stopped him before anything happened, but it looks like we're not getting our pizza."

Elena looked at the clock to see that it was almost eight. It was a Friday night, but she was tired and ready for bed. "Oh, that's fine," she said, standing from her stool. "I can just get something at home." Unfortunately, her stomach growled. Damon automatically reached out and grabbed her arm. When she looked at him a smile was tugging at his lips, as if something funny had just entered his head.

"Elena," he said, his voice serious. "If I cook you dinner, will you cook me breakfast?"

It took a moment, but Elena slapped his arm and said, "I'm not sleeping with you!" But she pushed herself back up into the stool. "But dinner sounds good."

"Angel" -"I thought angels had wings?" after patting back.

Damon was in the bar around midnight - nothing new - drinking away his sorrows. Of course Alaric's alter ego would hide the single available stake that could kill an Original. And of course, even if it did somehow return he couldn't use it due to the fact that if an Original was killed all vampires in his bloodline would die. Honestly, Damon didn't mind if he died, so long as it killed Klaus, but he couldn't risk Stefan's life, his friends's lives, or even Katherine's.

So the only way to bring his mind off of it was simple: bourbon.

He put back another shot and heard the stool next to him being pulled back. He set the small glass on the counter, slouched forward, and glanced over to find Elena in the stool next to him. She was slouched forward like he was, and he reminded himself that she was under just as much, if not more, stress as he.

"Drink?" was all he said, picking up one of the shots lined up and pushing it towards Elena. It sloshed on the table as it stopped in front of her. She looked at it for a moment, her fingers strumming on the table, as if asking herself if she wanted it. She finally just shook her head.

"No." Her voice was strong, but her hands shook as she pushed the glass away.

Damon felt a small smile play at his lips and he straightened up. Feeling like a thirteen-year-old on his first movie date, he reached his arm around like he was going to put his arm around her shoulders, but instead rubbed her back in a few big circles.

"What are you doing?" Elena asked. She looked confused, but obviously the back massage made her feel a little better, since her shoulders relaxed.

"Nothing," Damon said, still rubbing her back. "I just thought angels had wings." Elena gave Damon a look, but just chuckled and shook her head, reaching forward to pick up the glass.

Let me know if that sucked. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed, and please review! Should this just be a oneshot or should I have a little series of pick-up lines? Review! :)