She was invisible. From an early age, she has managed to achieve at being unnoticed, just a shadow in the corner. She was average, nothing special, and at times she managed to fool herself to think that she didn't mind or care, but she couldn't stop the tightness in her throat when she sees others. Seeing smiles that were never for her or waiting eyes.
She was wanted to be in Ravenclaw but apparently, she wasn't smart enough or perhaps it was because she didn't ask the Sorting Hat directly. There was a rumor going around about the sorting hat taking into consideration where you wanted to go. She wasn't an intellectual, but she was hard working and tried to be the best in everything she did, however, she realized a long time ago that natural talent, looks, and intellect (things she didn't have), would always trump hard work. The world was unfair, she knew that, and recently see have managed to grow out of her naive phase of thinking that hard work is the most important trait to achieve anything.
She no longer cared, and it was only a matter of time before she built up the straight to end it all. She had visited the Tower twice this week and even got to placing her left leg off the ledge, before pulling it back.
She was pathetic. She knew that and quite frankly have grown to accept it for a while now.
She would do it.
Before the end of the term.
She would end her own life and it might just be her most glorious moment in her pathetic life.
She didn't mean to see it, yet it was pretty hard to miss with the noise that they were making.
She peered up at them as she stood in the dark staircase passage. Her eyes betraying her since she could not look away despite her want to. Did she really want to look away, though? She questioned herself.
Her smarter self knew what would happen if they caught her. She has heard things about them, especially Riddle, who seems to be the leader of his own little cult. Riddle, who apparently had another side a part from the charismatic, model student he showed. He would not take well to someone knowing his student, a possible weakness.
And then there was Malfoy, who perhaps wouldn't deal with her as Riddle would, but wasn't too ethical sound enough to pay someone off to make the rest of her life hell. If he did it would really matter, it would just serve as an initiative for her to hurry up and do the deed that she have been putting off for so long. Although, she would be annoyed that if it did happen like that, then her death would be overshadowed and misunderstood as an escape from the bullying.
But her more idiotic self just stood there and watched as they shoved each other against the walls and half-walls of the Astronomy Tower. They were so different, yet similarly beautiful, and the scene just served as a reminder that everyone had someone, except her, even if in secret.
That was enough to jolt her into action, and she lightly stepped down the steps as she fled. It was until she was around the corner, that she heard (or thought she heard) silence in their movement, and one of them asking the other to listen.
She hoped that they weren't planning to make their midnight rendezvous a common event. She happened to like the Tower, especially for the easy access it have her to being high enough off the ground that if (and when) she jumped, it would be a quick and mostly painless death. It would be quite unfortunate if she lost it because Riddle and Malfoy wanted a secret snogging spot (although, it wasn't so secret).
No luck there. The next night, she could hear the sounds from the bottom of the stairs. How do nobody else know about them? She listened for a second before a turned back and went to her dorm.
They were making her reconsider her method, which leads her to question if the killing curse worked if self-inflicted. There would no way she could know except actually trying it, and although the voice in her head was screaming for her to do it, She failed yet again.
What was she waiting for? It was pretty clear that nothing eventful was going to happen to her. She had nothing to look forward to, no one would miss her much, so it made no sense to why I would delay it.
It wasn't until long that she started to worry about someone beating her to it. That would mess everything up, since that would make her death less original. Yes, that would ruin everything for her.
It was one of those days, that made her question why she hadn't done herself a favor and done it already. Everything in her life was shit, and today the gossip of a fellow female Hufflepuff in her grade, being proposed to , did not help Stella feelings of being incompetent and lonely.
Everybody else have everything, or at least something. The Gryffindors had their stupid bravery, the Ravenclaw their intellectual, the Slytherin their ambition, and the other Hufflepuff had friends and acceptance.
Except her. She had nothing. She wasn't pretty enough, or smart enough. She was screwed up, she knew it and the thought of anybody getting close enough to her to see her secrets, the darkness in her, scared her more than death itself.
She knew nothing last forever, and the last thing she wasn't was to try and get close to someone just to have her heart broken. It wasn't worth it. Nobody was worth it, and more importantly, she wasn't.
Hence, it was a day like this, that all her inhibitions and self-preservation faded away as she walked up the stairs of the Tower despite the familiar noise that came from the top. She didn't care if they saw her, actually a, part of her hoped that they would. The reaction that they would have interested her. She have never talked to either of them before. She doubt that either of them knew that she existed, and she couldn't help but feel pathetic about the pride she would get if either of them said something to her, anything to her, or at least look at her before she jumped.
The noise seized when she was halfway up the stairs and soon she was peering up at Tom Riddle's face as he came into view to look down at her.
"It's past curfew." His voice was like smooth silk, despite the contained anger and annoyance it held. It was seductive and mysterious and it was enough to make her lips involuntarily perch up, in her sad daze.
"I'm afraid I might have to report you." He continued.
Stella almost forgot that he was a prefect, but is statement and badge hanging from the right side of his robe reminded her. She nodded. This was less interesting that she thought; than the scenarios in her head. And moving past him, she moved towards the Tower edge, ignoring Malfoy's eyes that were on her the whole time. The pride that she anticipated earlier was nowhere to be found, instead overcrowded by sorrow and apathy.
She climbed up on the ledge, as she did so many time before-
She just stood there. Waiting, contemplating, trying to convince herself that she really wanted to do this. That she have been planning to do this since the start of the year.
She was there in the spotlight, with two of the fittest lads in the school, and she still couldn't act. What was wrong with her?
"If you are going to jump, would you mind doing it after we leave so that there are no misunderstandings." His voice was silk-like, but it was cold, and it hit her like any cold wind would.
He didn't care, did he? They didn't care? Nobody would really care if she did kill self. Why would they? She wasn't important to anyone. No one noticed how she have been dragging herself across the castle since the start of the semester, with dead eyes and dishevelled robe that showed how much she didn't care. No one asked how she was. Why did she think that her death would mean anything to anyone?
The realization hit her, and she had to grip her fingers into the panel of the column to stop herself from falling. She was angry, so angry that it seems that all her sadness from the last few months were being converted into pure anger and hatred for the world. So angry it over power any fear that she had.
"What were you too doing up here, Riddle?" Her voice was almost unrecognizable to her.
She heard the sound of feets moving forward and could see from the corner of her eyes that Malfoy was now standing next to Riddle- his supposed secret lover. Who would have thought?
"You two really should be more discreet." She pushed. "You wouldn't want your little secret to get out."
"I'll take that back. I would be more than happy to give you a hand-" Riddle stormed forward and if it wasn't for Malfoy who succeeded at holding him back, she would have been half way down the side of the castle.
"Do it!" She looked back at them and shouted. "If you don't, then it is your lost."
Riddle struggled to get free, but Malfoy held tightly and it wasn't until Tom elbowed Malfoy so hard that he collided with a column that Riddle marched forward. It was the slowest moment in her life (which is saying a lot), and she could see the red in his eyes. The literal red. It was unnatural and she found herself question if this was the other side of Riddle that he was rumored to have. If it was then the rumors were quite literal. It was as if she was looking at a different person.
She knew it was the end. Her mundane life flashed before her eyes as she prepared for last living moment on ground.
But it never happened, instead she felt a grip on her wrist dragging her off the ledge. Her body fell to the ground, her face planted on the cold, stone floor. She looked up and saw the dark abyss of Tom Riddle's eyes. He knelt down to her and smiled. It was a creepy smile that made her think that he was unhinged. He couldn't hurt her, she tried to reassure herself. He was a prefect for god sake , and she was sure that he did not wish to be expelled, but a ll her reassurance disappeared when he took out his wand from his robe pocket and stuck it in her face. "Well, this can be our little secret."
Her torso twisted pain struck her. It was so much, that she could not think the pain, think about how Riddle - model student, Tom Riddle - was using one of the Unforgivable Curses, and Malfoy was just standing and watching. All she could do was feel, and it wasn't until she could felt the morning sun on her face, and woke up on the bricked floor of the Tower floor, that Stella realized that she have been there all night and she had no recollection of why.
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