Title: Team Fozzy Bear: Staff Meeting Surprise.

Author: Doc

Notes: This dialogue fic follows Toby after his talk with Sam in the story, 'Team Fozzy Bear'. Let me know if I should continue this as a series.

Characters: Toby and CJ.

Rating: PG-13

"You're late."

"I'm aware."

"Care to explain why?"

"Not really."

"Fine."

"Uh, why am I the only one here for staff?"

"I'm here."

"Where's the rest of the staff?"

"Annabeth is fixing something you said to the press. And Cliff disappeared again."

"Nice deputy you have there."

"At least I have one."

"You're snappy this morning."

"I was up late last night."

"Big date? Or planning my demise with Andi?"

"My talks with the FBI went longer than planned. Then I sort of got drunk with Abbey."

"Was this around two this morning?"

"Why?"

"Because for two hours, my phone was ringing off the hook. When I answered, the person asked me what I was wearing."

"Oh God, that was you?"

"My home phone. My cell phone. Beeper. Did you two harass anyone else?"

"I didn't even know we were calling you."

"Harass is the word. I should sue."

"Abbey wouldn't like that."

"She'd get over it. I have a feeling this isn't her first time making prank calls while consuming too much alcohol."

"She was trying to beat your record."

"Record?"

"She wanted to drink as much as you did the other night."

"That amount would kill a normal person."

"I know you're not at all normal, but you're still here."

"Always."

"I hate that you don't get drunk. I hate that you never have a hangover after our nights of stupidity."

"No. The headache comes later that day when all I hear about is your headache and how you hate me because I'm not suffering with you. But know I'm always suffering with a migraine because you won't shut up."

"If I felt better, I'd slap you for that remark."

"No. You love me when I'm blunt."

"Not so much."

"Why did you two decide to call me? And who was the one making the animal sounds?"

"Abbey. She was wasted. She's probably going to be in bed for the next ten days."

"I knew I shouldn't have gone drinking with you two."

"What are you talking about? You and I went to the residence after work because the President wanted to show us his slides from that place he traveled around."

"Don't remind me."

"You started making rude comments, which he ignored. Abbey shoved a new bottle of scotch in your hands, and the rest was history. You didn't share."

"I don't share scotch. Besides, I saw the bar. It was filled for the rest of you."

"You drink like a fish."

"Hardly. Well, maybe. Okay, you're right."

"Toby. If you would only come to that conclusion at the beginning of all our conversations, we'd be done so much faster."

"I don't like to rush things. I like making them last as long as possible."

"Are we still talking about our discussions, or something else?"

"You've corrupted my son. This means war, Claudia Jean."

"What can I say? I'm a sucker for chocolate brown eyes, dimples, and baldness. Why do you think we've been friends all these years?"

"I buy you things. Actually, you make me buy you things. I had to sell my Dodge Dart to help send you to France with Hogan. Now I'm driving that piece of shit that dies as soon as I turn a corner."

"I found you that car. It was under a grand, and I went out with the guy to make sure you had time to have it checked out by a mechanic. Did you even see that guy? He looked like he just crawled out of a scene off 'Night of the living Dead'."

"No air conditioner. No automatic locks. Hell, no automatic anything. And I swear, every time I'm on Dupont Circle, the car becomes possessed."

"You told me this. The car does not take over when you're driving it there."

"The wheel turns on its own. It accelerates and breaks on its own. I don't like it."

"Didn't you get a speeding ticket last week?"

"Yes! The car drove itself in circles, going faster at every turn. Damn cop didn't believe me. I tried to explain it in traffic court, and now I have to attend mandatory counseling to make sure I'm not a danger to myself or anyone else."

"You have to talk to a shrink? I didn't know this."

"I told you when it happened. I called and told you, you told Andi 'cause she was there with you, and now my son calls me speedy nutty."

"That's right! I was laughing at you."

"I'm aware. Now my son thinks I'm a nut."

"I call you worse things. But I have enough respect to keep those names private."

"Private? Thanks to you, I get emails from everyone asking why my exwife calls me, Pokey."

"Everyone? Don't you mean just the women?"

"No, or I would have said that."

"Don't snap at me. I'm not the one that gave you the name."

"No, the nicknames you call me make most people blush."

"You don't blush."

"I don't get embarrassed."

"I know. I think I remember that being one of the many reasons Abbey and I called you so many times last night."

"With the questions you two kept asking, I did almost blush."

"Really?"

"No."

"Why were you late to staff?"

"This isn't staff. I'm in your office talking about prank calls and how you shouldn't get drunk with the first lady."

"Well, Annabeth is dealing with the press. And Cliff is...I don't know what he's doing."

"I saw him romancing my staff. Ginger thinks he has nice qualities. Somehow I don't believe her because she told me this while staring at his ass."

"He's too short for my tastes."

"Everyone is too short for your tastes."

"Ben wasn't short. But I wasn't really into the woods and the hiking."

"Was it because of your special skin that I know too much about?"

"Shut up. And thanks for reminding me. Donna will be in town tomorrow, and she wants to take a ride in your new possessed vehicle."

"It's not new. It's a 1983 Buick Skylark with torn seats and smells of fish. You're just trying to butter me up so I'll take you two shopping."

"You know you like it."

"The last time I was dragged shopping with you two was hell. You were both trashed by noon because the restaurant we ate at had the 2 for the price of 1 thing going on. I never saw two women drink so many fruity drinks before in my life. Yet afterwards, you two still wanted to go shopping."

"We needed things for the trip the next day."

"First the shoe store. Both of you refused to acknowledge that you wore anything larger than a size 6. You both plopped one foot on each of my thighs so I could shove your feet into size 6 shoes. I was unsuccessful, so you two went off about what a big conspiracy it was. Then, as you were both kicked out of the store for using inappropriate language, I quickly traded the size 6 shoes to the sizes we determined you both were at the beginning."

"I haven't fit in a size 6 shoe since...well, that's not important. I don't remember that."

"Then we went shopping for clothes. Again, you two refused to admit you might have gained a little weight since the last time you bought clothes. Donna tried on some disgusting leather thing that the clerk called a shirt, and proceeded to get stuck in it while taking it off. She started screaming when she couldn't get it over her head, or pull her arms out of the sleeves. You ran out in your bra to help her, but you couldn't even stand up straight. So I had to get the shirt off of her. You got mad because I was in the women's dressing room, and that I was touching Donna is ways that were inappropriate in your mind. So as you jumped on my back and began smacking my head, my body moved forward and pinned Donna to the wall. The manager decided that was a good moment to barge in to see what all the yelling was about. He let you two go with a warning, yet took a picture of me and told me I could never return to that store ever again because it was not a place to act out my sexual fantasies. Donna only heard the last part, and began telling me her sexual fantasies of Josh Lyman jumping around on her bed dressed as Tarzan. "

"God, I'm really sorry I don't remember that."

"Stop laughing!"

"What did we do after that?"

"You refused to talk to me, so Donna took over and we went in search for suntan lotion. And for the next four hours, I learned more than I ever wanted to know about your skin and how many different lotions were in the world. Plus, you both told me the good and the bad about every one of them. That night I beat my head against a brick wall."

"Yes, but you made sure we both got home safe and sound."

"I dropped you both on your kitchen floor after having to carry you both in from the car."

"Oh yeah. Bastard."

"I'm never going shopping with you or her again. Especially when you two are together."

"She misses us."

"I'll buy you two a pizza and you can go get into trouble without me."

"But you're our protector."

"No, I'm the sober one with the credit card."

"Same thing."

"Can I go back to work?"

"You're working now. We're having staff."

"This is not staff. You're trying to turn me into one of your girlfriends."

"Well, Donna's gone and Abbey's passed out. You and I talked like this before."

"That was when we first met, and I was trying to get you into bed."

"It worked."

"Are you saying if I stay and talk to you, you'll sleep with me again?"

"Wipe that shocked expression off your face. I wasn't propositioning you."

"Tease."

"How sweet. You remember!"

"See, now you're just being cruel. Don't resurrect my memories of us being together. It makes me feel funny in my pants."

"You're so cute, sometimes."

"Do you want to know why I was late to this apparently unsuccessful staff meeting?"

"You were daydreaming about having your way with me?"

"Sam called me."

"Sam who?"

"The kid with the advanced vocabulary who's too pretty for his own good."

"You talked to Sam?"

"Why do you look surprised?"

"Because you haven't talked to him in three years."

"I've been busy."

"And I told you we were mad at him!"

"Since when did you decide who I'm mad at?"

"Since now. He got married without us."

"Yes, I'm aware of what he did."

"And you talk to him? Did you yell at him at least?"

"Yes. I asked him why the hell he married a republican."

"That wasn't the problem, moron. We should have been at his wedding."

"So you call and yell at him."

"I yelled at Ainsley. He was hiding."

"What? Did he think you were going to reach through the phone and smack him?"

"He's still scared of me."

"Many people are."

"Not you."

"I've known you too long. Besides, I've been on the receiving end of your right hook enough times in my life."

"You have a hard face."

"I have many hard things when I'm with you."

"Now you're just flirting."

"Damn, I was hoping for sexual harassment."

"It can be done, my friend."

"I'm leaving early tonight, so don't surprise me with any last minute assignments."

"Leaving early for what?"

"Why do you care?"

"I'm curious."

"I have my kids tonight since Andi had to fly last minute to New York. We're going to bond, and I promise you it won't be over flamingos."

"Can I come over?"

"Why?"

"I have fun with them when you have 'em. You're always running around like a chicken with its head cut off."

"I've gotten better. I don't see them that much."

"I know. Look, I have other plans anyway. It's okay."

"You can come if you want."

"I accept."

"That was fast. What about your other plans?"

"I was lying to make you feel bad."

"My mental health is just a sick game to you, isn't it?"

"Should I bring anything?"

"No!"

"You don't have to shout."

"This is my night, and they will play by my rules. No big purple dinosaurs. No flamingos. And no drooling over your chest unless that person is me."

"You say Huck takes after his mother in every way, but I disagree. He has your eyes, and they're always staring at me. Just like when I'm with you."

"Liar."

"Last week, during the Ziegler court trial in Andi's living room when you went against us about the flamingo jumper, I had Huck's eyes glued to my chest. And from the other side of the room, I had your eyes glued to my..."

"Legs."

"Like father like son."

"That doesn't count. You were wearing an extremely short skirt, and kept crossing and uncrossing your legs when I was talking. I lost because of you."

"Couldn't concentrate, huh?"

"You're the devil."

"Wait until the kids are asleep tonight, and I'll make it up to you."

"How?"

"You'll see, pokey. After tonight, we'll both have new nicknames for each other."

"Will they be nicknames that can be used outside the bedroom?"

"I don't think so. But I promise they'll be nicknames that will make you even blush."

"I'm going to make you keep that promise, Claudia."

"You won't have to make me, Tobias."

"Maybe we should call it a day right now?"

"It's nine in the morning."

"Make the President fend for himself."

"Down boy. Patience is the key."

"Screw patience."

"No, I'd rather screw you. But not until tonight."

"Fine. But the kids go to sleep as soon as we get to my place."

"You're priceless."

"And you're gorgeous."

"That was sweet, Toby."

"Thank you. Can we do it now?"

"Go to work."

"I can't move right now."

"Get that under control. You have a meeting in ten minutes to discuss sex education in public schools."

"I hate you. You got me all hot and bothered now."

"You love me for that same reason, too."

"I'm leaving now. I need to fix myself before the meeting, and I can't accomplish that with you staring at it... Stop staring at it and licking your lips!"

"Sorry. I guess my memories are resurrecting now."

"I'm leaving."

"Have a good day."

"You'll pay for this tonight."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

The End