How Far I've Gone

by blackfeather157

Moana, sixteen and ready to defy rules and her fathers orders, will journey across the sea, find Maui, shape-shifter, demigod of the wind and sea, and restore the heart of Te Fiti. But, will she break from the pressure and expect before she even gets the chance? Retelling of the story in the way I feel it could have gone. Will contain self-harm/suicide attempt. PLEASE TAKE CAUTION!

1. Dread

"You have to choose someone else." I choked out. I wasn't enough. I nearly got Maui, my best friend, killed. I nearly got killed.

"You have to choose someone else... PLEASE." My voice cracked and tears blurred my vision. I shoved the Heart closer to the Ocean and adjusted it to sit in my palm. My heart was breaking slowly and painfully. I knew I wasn't enough. I knew the Ocean was wrong to choose me. I may want to satisfy my urge to voyage, but...

I couldn't restore the Heart.

Slowly the Ocean leaned forwardand burbled in concern.

"Please." I breathed, barely audible over the lapping of the waves against the canoe,and the quiet sea breeze. The tears freely flowed down my face as it contorted bitterly and my vision became obscured. I tried to blink them back but it was futile. I let out a strangled sob and watched as the Ocean leaned closer and slowly reached my outstreached hand. It stopped just short and hesitated. As if it was thinking or pondering. I felt it close the distance and press against my palm, taking the Heart as gently as it could.

As it receaded, I couldn't hold it in any longer as I watch the Heart disappear beneath the gentle waves and my legs collasped beneath me. My knees hit the deck and my body violently shook with grief. My tears blinded me, my eyes stung, and iched but I made no effort to relieve the terrible sensation. It felt like my world was collapsing to sufficate me and my mind started to fog over and darken. My mind droned on a soundless note and my body buzzed with numb chills. My palms, clasped in fists, sweat profusly as I struggled to stay afloat.

All I can think is how my actions caused Maui to nearly loose his life, his hook. I knew I lost him, and my heart threatened to shatter my ribcage just to escape the pain. I let out a tormented scream as I curled in on myself till my throat was raw and dry. I couldn't swallow and I couldn't breathe right. I heaved short lungfulls of air as my head spun and spiraled out of control. My mind raced, replaying how Maui looked at me with fear and anger. The way he yelled to turn around and escape. His cry as I ignored him and fought for control of my own demise.

A/N:

Alright, I just want some crit. and some helpful tips. I want to get better at this. I have more down but I'm not submitting it until I see interest.