That feeling when Butters is talking to him and they were alone, when his body got all tense and nervous from all the feelings inside, that feeling where nothing else matters in the world, and he's at peace. When the shy blonde was with his crush nothing could destroy his mood. He just wanted to enjoy every single moment of this heaven-like feeling, he wanted to laugh and cry at the same time.
It's a feeling that he struggled to describe. A feeling that only he could understand, no matter how many times he had tried to explain to someone. He always gets memorised by his crushes smile, his laugh, his jokes, he never says anything wrong. It tears the boy to pieces when his crush is upset or down, he tries to cheer him up and always says he cares. He goes to bed every night with a smile on his face, because all he is thinking about is his perfect man, he lays there and thinks about everything, wondering if he is thinking about him too.
Butters just wants to feel the arms of his crush, wrapped around him, his luscious lips pressed against his own. He longs to feel his love's fingers stroke through his soft blonde hair and gaze into his blue eyes for hours on end. He gets so flustered when his crush randomly pops into his mind, his cheeks go bright pink and he feels like he's smiling like a fool, he feels so stupid for being so in love yet so agitated that he can't just say his feelings.
He just can't wipe the silly smile off his face, the smile that hurts his cheeks and jaw so bad but he doesn't care about the pain, because he's so in love. His chest physically aches when he thinks about his perfect crush, the blonde always listens to what he had to say. He always wants to listen to what his crush has to say, he feels as though he needs to protect him from everything bad in the world, wanting to let him know how much he cares. His shoulder is always there for his crush to lean on.
He listens to his favourite music and always notices how much sense the lyrics make, then he starts smiling and blushing because he's thinking of him again. When he gets off the phone to his crush, he lays back on his bed and starts rolling around and giggling like a love-sick geek just thinking about what they spoke about. Butters just wants to be with him, he'd sacrifice anything just to be in his arms. When he says Butters' name it's different to everyone else, he knows that his name is safe in his crush's mouth.
Even when he's at his most tired he always has enough energy to think and smile about his want and lust. He accepts the fact that they're only just friends even though he knows that his feelings will never go away, they can talk endlessly about anything. Only he has the power to make his body tingle all over, no poem or love song can describe him, or the feelings he has for him. To most people, the blonde realises, that all of the above may not make sense and it still isn't enough to explain or describe how he feels about this one perfect human being. And anyone who is reading this doesn't know a particular secret…
He has a boyfriend already.
If the future doesn't turn out the way Butters wants, and he ends up being with someone else… the feelings he has now and before will never go away. He will never love anyone else like he has loved Kenny McCormick. His first true love…