Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans. But you already knew that.
Summary: After Starfire falls into the time portal with Warp, the Titans find themselves drifting apart. Raven's emotional supports are torn from her as she loses her friends. Takes place during "How Long Is Forever?" (in a sense).
Shattered
It was raining.
A small figure drifted through the deserted streets, dark blue cloak drenched and limp. The hood shielded the wearer's eyes. A large drop of rainwater collected at the lip of the hood, to splash down onto her nose. Her feet were getting soaked, despite her boots which were supposedly 'waterproof'.
"Super."
She looked up slightly as a dim glimmer fell across her path. Ruthy's Ice Cream and Delectables. It was open. Despite that it was in the dead of night. Despite that it was raining. Despite that the only person outside in this God-forsaken city was a lone teenage girl, who happened to be named Raven.
She stared at the door for a moment. Then her hand moved and pushed it open. The brief tinkle of chimes followed her as she stepped in, dripping rainwater on the clean linoleum floor.
The store was small, but brightly lit. A man nearing his old age stood behind the glass counter, wiping the glass with a rag. He was balding, and had a considerable paunch to boast of, over which was tied a cheerful green apron.
"Hello! Can I help you, young lady?" he asked jovially.
Raven blinked, feeling dazed. Did she even have any money on her? Somehow, she still had twenty dollars on her. A very drenched twenty dollars.
"Would you like a sample of our ice cream first, perhaps?" the man asked, smiling cheerfully. Raven wondered how he could be so cheerful. It was such a depressing day.
"A cup of cookie dough ice cream, please," she heard herself say as her feet brought her slowly to the impeccably clean counter.
"Small, medium, or large?"
She paused, staring at the small round clock hanging on the wall behind the man. It was 1:00 in the morning. What was she doing there? She didn't want ice cream. But that old man was being so nice... "Small, please."
"Small?" The man smiled and waved an ice cream scoop cheerfully. "A big girl like you can eat a lot more'n that! How about some toppings, eh? My treat."
"No, thanks." Raven laid the money on the counter. The man put the ice cream before her, then turned to the cash register. She picked up the ice cream, feeling the cold drops of ice and water on the outside of the cup. "You can keep the change."
She escorted herself out the door before he could say otherwise, and continued to walk down the empty streets. In the rain.
It was cold. It was night. She was utterly alone.
Her eyes drooped shut, her steps lagged in the puddles. Her mind wandered aimlessly. She wondered briefly about the money that was in her hand. She wondered where it had come from, and why she had held onto it this whole time. Maybe she had just taken it out, then forgotten about it...
Forgotten.
Raven began to remember something, but it was dancing just beyond her reach. She would have frowned, would have pounded on something, except that she was too drained to to anything. Though come to think of it, it would have been nice to be able to yell at Beast Boy or Robin right now...if either of them were still around.
The thought sparked through her mind, and memory jostled loose. Now she remembered.
"Robin?"
He sat on the couch in the living room, not speaking, not moving. He didn't even look angry. Raven was highly disturbed by this.
"Robin, you've been sitting there all day." She walked over to stand beside him. "Aren't you going to do anything besides mope?"
He didn't respond. Raven tried again.
"Want to have a run through the obstacle course?" she offered.
No response.
"How about a walk? Go for a ride in the city?"
Robin didn't even blink.
"Want to play a video game?" Raven asked, approaching desperation. He had been like this all day, and nothing she had said or done made any difference. Right now, he just continued to sit there, staring at the floor in front of him. Raven wondered if he was trying by sheer force of will to burn a hole through the floor...or perhaps he was willing the rest of the Titans to appear before him.
Raven bit her lip.
"Why don't we go to that restaurant you really like?" she asked, almost pleading with him. "That one downtown, next to the oriental rug store?"
Still no response. The sun was beginning to set on the western horizon, sending waves of deep gold washing into the living room.
"Robin, please, say something," Raven pleaded, throwing her pride aside and kneeling beside him. "Why won't you say anything?"
She reached out tentatively and touched his shoulder. It was as though her touch shocked him back to life. Robin started and jerked away, springing up and at the same time grabbing Raven's arm. He was tensed, his face full of rage. She cried out slightly as he twisted her arm while pulling her up.
"Robin!"
The anger left his face, to be replaced by confusion. "Raven? What...?" He realized that he was hurting her, and let go. He turned away. "It hasn't been a good day."
Raven rubbed her arm. "It's alright. I know today - and the past months - have been hard on you. It's been hard on both of us. I think you need a break. Why don't we go for some ice cream?"
Robin tapped away at the keys of the computer. "No," his voice was hard. "I can't let any more time slip by. I wasted all of today already, I can't afford any more distractions."
"What are you doing?" she asked, watching him pull up maps and charts on the screen.
"Running a search."
"You'll never find Cyborg, Robin," she said quietly. "If he wants to stay hidden, he will." (1)
"I'm not looking for Cyborg," he said shortly.
Then he must be looking for Starfire. Again. Even after all these months, he still believe she will show up one day.
"Robin..." Raven hesitated, wondering what to say. "Look, I know what you're feeling, but-"
"No!" he snapped. "You don't know what I'm feeling! You can't know!"
She was more than a little stung by the anger in his voice, but no way was she letting it show. Raven steeled herself for her next words, and his response.
"You're not going to find Starfire." She saw him tense, but she couldn't seem to stop herself from saying it, from saying what they both knew was true, but he refused to admit. "It's over, Robin, we've fallen apart. There's no going back now. Starfire was the first to go-"
"Shut up!"
Robin slapped her, all his anger and pain behind the blow. He caught her by surprise and sent her flying across the room. Raven knocked into a stereo set and crumpled to the floor. The wind was knocked from her lungs as she stared at Robin, his posture tight with agitation and anger. He seemed totally oblivious to the fact that he had just attacked her.
"I'm going to find Starfire!" he shouted. "She didn't disappear! She didn't just abandon me! I know I'll find her!"
Raven picked herself up, feeling a bruise forming on her shoulder. Her cheek stung from where Robin had hit her. She stared at him, seeing him shaking from barely suppressed emotions. In a moment, anger, hurt, sadness and remorse all flashed through her.
"You won't find her, Robin," she said quietly. "Starfire is gone. The Titans are history."
She gathered her cloak about herself and ran from the living room. She ran through the halls, down the stairs and outside. Reaching the rocks at the edge of the island, she didn't stop, just launched herself into the air and sped onward, skimming the waves. She could taste the saltiness in the air, mixed with a bitter taste in her mouth. The splashes of saltwater splattered onto her face. Her eyes stung. She couldn't tell whether the wetness on her cheeks was the ocean's spray or her own tears.
The sun sank below the darkening ocean waves, and darkness settled over the city. Raven drifted above the skyscrapers as the first drops of rain began to fall from the sky. Pretty soon, it became a downpour and all but the most stubborn of pedestrians had fled for their homes. By the time true dark came, there were few people about on the streets.
Raven set down sometime before midnight, soaked from head to toe. Sometime amid the downpour, her tears had run out. Now there was just emptiness.
She wandered the streets, feeling her mind shaking as though it was about to shatter into a million fragmented pieces. The Titans were history. Her friends were gone. There was no one now, no one at all...
A twinge of icyness in her hands brought her back to the present. There was a cup of ice cream in her hands, melting in the rain. Cookie dough ice cream.
She didn't know why she had bought it. And why cookie dough, of all flavors? She hated cookie dough.
"It's Robin's favorite," she told the rainy night. Pausing, she felt that she ought to be feeling sad right now. But she didn't. A large, wet drop of rain splashed onto her nose. She looked up at the dark skies. "He owes me an apology," she murmured. "I think..."
The cup in her hands was getting soggy and limp. The ice cream was running from the rain, spilling over the rim of the flimsy paper cup. Raven tossed it aside, heedless of the fact that she was littering. The world owed her something. She held firmly onto that thought. The world owed her, right?
But was that really what she wanted? Did she really want revenge, to get even?
"No."
She didn't even want an apology. She just wanted her friends.
Raven shivered. It was so cold.
- -
Darkness. Chaos.
Four red eyes stared at her from the overwhelming shadows. Snarling laughter rang in her ears, harsh and endless.
A piercing scream cut through the laughter and darkness. Suddenly, the red eyes disappeared. The laughter ended. Then she was falling. Just falling into an endless void. The scream continued.
Raven's eyes snapped open. She was on her knees, her throat burning as her entire body trembled.
I was the one screaming, she realized.
Taking a deep breath, she stopped her shaking and picked herself up. The room was dark, and suddenly she quivered inside again. There were shadows everywhere, just like in her nightmare.
A faint growling came from a corner.
She cried out as visions of blood-red eyes filled her mind.
Raven felt something snap within her mind, and then everything melted into a blinding whiteness. Her heart skipped a beat. What was happening?
Slowly, her eyes adjusted. She was still in her little apartment room, the one she had lived in since the Titans had broken up. The apartment wasn't anything special, just enough to live in. It was rather dingy, with the walls painted a non-descript shade of blue-gray.
But now everything was bathed in a pure white light. There were no shadows anywhere. All the furniture in the room seemed to have disappeared also.
Had she done that? She looked down and saw that her cloak was white also.
"What in the name of Azarath..."
A storm of questions filled her mind. What happened? How had she done that? Could she do it again? But how? And why had it happened now? The questions spun in a circle, repeating themselves and bringing her agitation with every passing moment.
She fell to her knees, clapping her hands over her ears. She trembled, trying to shut the confusion out.
"Relax," she murmured. "Relax, and meditate. Meditate..."
Her breathing grew even as she closed her eyes, falling back into the serenity of meditation.
"Azarath Metrion Zinthos...Azarath Metrion Zinthos..."
The litany was calmingly familiar. She briefly remembered meditating with Starfire, during days that were long gone. A twinge of nostalgia pricked her, and she quickly brushed it away. No distractions. Meditate.
"Azarath Metrion Zinthos...Azarath Metrion Zinthos...Azarath Metrion Zinthos..."
"Friend Raven?"
Raven's eyes snapped open. There was no one in the room. But she could have sworn that she had just heard Starfire's voice calling her.
Looking around warily and seeing nothing, Raven closed her eyes again.
"It's just stress," she told herself. "Relax, concentrate. Azarath Metrion Zinthos...Azarath Metrion Zin-"
"Why do you ignore me, friend?"
Raven squeezed her eyes shut, feeling herself tense. "It's not Starfire. She's not there," she thought, building mental walls about her concentration. She took a deep breath and continued her meditation. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos...Azarath Metri-"
"Friend, open your eyes. It is I, your friend Starfire."
Raven's violet eyes flew open as she felt a feather light touch on her arm. A familiar red headed girl knelt before her, seeming to glow with an ethereal light amid the blinding whiteness of the room. She was smiling faintly.
"S-Starfire?"
"Raven." Starfire smiled and stood up.
"Starfire..." Something clicked in Raven's mind. "The Titans! Starfire, where did you go? Why did you go? Have you been back to the Tower?"
Starfire closed her eyes and shook her head, taking a step back. "I am not going back, I cannot. There is no friendship left, the Titans are no more.." The Tamaranian's voice sounded distant and was tinged with sorrow. "There is no going back for any of us now, though I would wish it. I came to say farewell, Raven. I am leaving. I am returning to my home planet of Tamaran."
Starfire began to turn away. Raven leapt up.
"No, wait!"
She ran forward to grab Starfire's arm to stop her. Raven's hand met only air.
She blinked. There was no sign of Starfire. She stood before a blank white wall. Raven lifted her hand and placed it against the surface to convince herself that it was real. Starfire was gone. There was no door in the wall. There was no gaping hole to indicate Starfire had blasted her way out.
Raven gazed at the wall, stunned and confused.
Slowly, she went back to the middle of the room and sat down. She didn't know what was happening. She didn't know what she was supposed to do.
Meditation was the only thing she could fall back on. Meditation never failed her. Yet.
Shutting the ominous thought out, she regulated her breathing and closed her eyes.
"Azarath Metrion Zinthos...Azarath Metrion Zinthos...Azarath Metrion Zinthos..."
Raven lost herself in her meditation, forcing herself deeper and deeper into concentration. She had never gone so far before in meditation. Then again, she had never had such realistic hallucinations. She had never been so confused either.
But in her meditation, she could forget that. And for now, forgetting was enough.
"Azarath Metrion Zinthos..."
She wasn't aware of how long she spent in mediation. Minutes? Hours? Perhaps days. She couldn't even tell the difference between reality and her mind any longer. All the sharp edges of the world and her mind were dulled. Everything blurred together. It was a relief, in a way.
She felt herself relax, and then...
"...wake up, Raven. Raven? Can you hear me?"
Her eyelids felt like they were glued shut, but somehow, she managed to open her eyes. Her vision was bleary at first.
I must have dozed off while meditating, she thought to herself. And that thought was shock enough to wake her fully.
"Wh-what?" She shook the last shreds of sleep from her eyes and looked up. Her eyes widened. She gasped. "Robin?"
It was him. Or at least, her eyes told her it was him. His black hair was spiky was ever, and who else wore that traffic light costume?
But Starfire had seemed real also. And she had disappeared. How was Raven to know that Robin wasn't another figment of her imagination.
"Is that really you?" she asked, holding her breath for fear that he would also disappear.
"Well, last time I checked I was still Robin," he said with a grin.
Raven felt herself smiling, despite her doubts. "It's you..." she said. "But, why are you here? How did you find me?"
"That's not important. I...just wanted to come and apologize." He looked awkward. Then again, he never was very good with putting feelings into words.
"For what?" she asked, though she knew what he was going to say - their fight on the day Starfire had left. The day that the Titans finally wholly broke apart.
"For hurting you," he said softly. "Look, I didn't mean to be so cruel or anything. I just...was upset."'
"I'm not blaming you," Raven said, and to her surprise found that she meant it. "Really."
He smiled then. "So, we're still friends?"
"Definitely." Impulsively, she reached out for his hand, but he backed away. Confusion came over her again, followed by anger and a twinge of shame.
Robin turned away, just like Starfire had done. He didn't meet her eyes. "I'm sorry, Raven. I'm sorry..."
"What are you talking about?" Raven asked. She heard her voice, and recognized the tone as one bordering on the hysterical. "Robin, don't just go."
He just shook his head and began to walk away.
"Robin!"
She ran towards him, but knew that she was too late. She leapt forward in desperation. Suddenly, her vision was clouded and she could only see a blinding field of white.
"Ah-!" She collided with the wall, and sank down to her knees. Through hazy eyes, she saw the room was empty.
Another hallucination, then. She should have known.
"I did know," she told herself. "I knew all along. I won't fall for it again."
But neither thought nor resolution brought her any comfort.
- -
(1) Okay, before anyone kills me for changing the plot and having Cyborg leave the Tower, let me explain: I needed to do this to keep the plot going, keep it flowing so that the drama around Raven's emotions worked. And I can explain how later Starfire finds Cyborg in the Tower alone - Robin left the tower later, and Cyborg came back. All right? No one hurt me, please...