friday night and the lights are low

SUMMARY: Modern AU in which Robb is a born-again Christian, Jon can't quite seem to get over his breakup with his ex, and Theon is just along for the ride. They then use their skills of persuasion to sneak a grounded Arya out of the house for an unforgettable night of idiocy. Hopefully they won't turn poor Gendry off of women forever.

AUTHOR'S NOTE (PLEASE READ): I will get to the important points first. Jon and Robb are fraternal twins. I just feel like their interactions would be more hilarious if they were. Everyone's age differences have been messed with. I haven't exactly figured it out, but Theon is a 2nd year Uni student(so about 19), Jon and Robb are 1st years (18) and Arya is about 15 going on 16. Gendry will be the same age as Jon and Robb. I messed with their ages because I doubt a 13 year old Arya would understand the crazy antics of her brothers + Theon. The ages for the rest of the kids, Sansa, Bran, and Rickon, will the same in terms of their year differences.

That being said, I have no idea where the inspiration for this came from. I was just sitting at my laptop and started writing it. This will definitely be a multi-chap, though I haven't figured out how long. Don't expect it to be some crazy epic though.

Anyways, enjoy and please leave a review!

Arya ignored the growling of her stomach, choosing to focus on what sort of hellish revenge she could enact on her sister later. She fumed angrily, reminiscing on the sneer on Sansa's boyfriend's face as he explained clumsily though a split lip that Arya had attacked him without reason.

"She's a crazy bitch! I didn't do anything and she practically tried to kill me! She should be locked up."

Arya crossed her arms over her chest. She was still in the same clothing she had worn to school. The moment that she had returned home, her parents sent her straight to her room. She had been sitting in the same spot for over four hours, replaying the scene in her head in which she had punched Joffrey smack dab in the middle of his face. She was pretty sure that she had broken his nose.

However, as much as she (and probably hundreds of other kids) had relished in the joy of finally striking back at the bully who had tortured her and her friends throughout most of her time at that school, her family didn't. Her parents were extremely disappointed in her. Sansa refused to talk to her. Bran just sort of sighed and walked away. Rickon didn't really get what was going on, so he decided to get mad along with everybody else.

Suddenly, she heard a car engine outside her window. Curiously, she peered through the crack between her slightly open curtains. Parked in the driveway was a red Prius. Eco-friendly, low maintenance and energy efficient, it was the perfect hybrid for the young lady who wanted something both easy on the environment as well as the eyes.

Yeah, too bad it was Robb's car.

Obviously she was in bigger trouble than she originally anticipated if her older brothers had to come back home. Maybe her parents would try and pawn her off onto them? Take her to some weird hick town and leave her there until she learned her lesson? Hopefully they wouldn't leave her with her smelly, senile Uncle Walder who had been divorced and remarried at least seven times and insisted on naming all his sons Walder.

"Arya!" Bran's voice echoed outside her door. "Come downstairs. Jon and Robb are here to see you."

Sluggishly dragging herself across the bedroom floor, Arya opened the door and allowed the warm light from the upstairs landing to flood the darkened room. "Why?"

"Just come downstairs!"

She rolled her eyes and proceeded to make her way into the spacious foyer where she could hear Robb speaking rather enthusiastically. He was probably telling her parents about the new Church he had joined. Ever since he had cheated on his long-time girlfriend with his friend from the horseback riding club he had attended in high school, he had turned over a new leaf. After the particularly nasty breakup as well as the repercussions that resulted in him losing most of his friends, he had gone to Church to talk to a priest and seek forgiveness. Then the priest persuaded Robb to join his parish and the rest was history. And now Robb took every opportunity to remind Arya and her siblings that they would go to hell if they decided to forsake Jesus.

"I pray to the Weirwoods!" had been Arya's scathing answer to Robb's increasingly annoying pleas.

"Arya," her mother's voice broke her out of her reverie. "Robb is here to see you."

Ignoring her mother, she turned to her eldest brother. "Is Jon with you?"

"It's nice to see you too," Robb smiled and opened his arms in preparation for the hug that Arya would most definitely squirm out of. "Jon's in the car."

"Jon's with you?" Her father asked. "Why didn't he come out?"

"Theon's with me too," Robb replied by way of explanation. "Jon's just making sure he doesn't try to drive away like last time."

Arya pouted. Out of the two fraternal twins, she liked Jon much better than she liked Robb. At least she wouldn't have to see Theon.

"As I was saying earlier, I think it would be a fantastic idea for me to take Arya to my church group tonight. We're having a discussion on forgiveness and I do believe that would benefit her in this situation."

"This church outing sounds quite out of the way, going by the address you provided me with."

"Will you be going with her?" Her mother added, her brow furrowing with worry.

"It won't just be me," Robb reassured. "Both Jon and Theon have agreed to come."

Her father nodded solemnly. "Then I suppose it won't do any harm." Turning to Arya who thought she had been forgotten about, he said, "Pack an overnight bag. When you come home tomorrow morning, I expect to see you ready to apologize to both Joffrey and your sister."

"But I don't want to go!"

"Arya," her mother scolded, "we're not giving you a choice. We have been far too lenient with you lately. Go with your brothers. I think you need some time to reflect upon your actions."

Sighing dramatically, Arya trudged back upstairs to her room. She went out of her way to stomp extra hard on the hardwood steps, hoping to elicit a reaction out of her somewhat anal retentive mother.

"I'll just be down here waiting!" Robb called. "When you're ready to go, just say so and we can be on our way to receive the loving forgiveness of our Lord."

"Robb," Ned Stark, patriarch of the family, put a weathered hand on his son's shoulder. "That's enough with the Jesus talk."

"So, Arya. I heard you punched Joffrey Baratheon right in the kisser. How did it feel to emasculate him?"

"Shut up Theon," Arya retorted, climbing into the backseat of the Prius. "Jon!"

Her favourite brother, nicknamed Jon Snow for his role as Snow White in a weird gender-bent play directed by Renly Baratheon, waved at her from where he sat.

"Are they still calling you Jon Snow?" Arya asked curiously.

Jon grimaced. "Yeah."

"Even though the play was in high school?"

"They think it's funny."

"Oh."

The passenger door opened and Robb clamoured in, waving goodbye to the Starks that had assembled on the front porch. "We'll see you tomorrow afternoon!"

"I can't believe they're letting us take her," Theon commented as he stuck the key into the ignition. "Well I suppose it's because you talked them into it. If it was me, I'd get thrown out on my ass."

"Dad likes you." Jon twiddled with the buttons on his jacket.

"Well your mom doesn't."

"She thinks you're trouble," Arya divulged. "And you would think she's used to you. I mean, you've been living with us for ages."

"Oh well," Theon shrugged. "We're in University now. Your brothers are first years, I'm a second year. Technically we're adults so it's not like I need your parents breathing over my shoulder all the time."

"Hey!" Robb exclaimed, face pressed against the glass of his window. "You don't take this route to go to my church!"

"We're going the other way."

"Jon there's no use covering it up."

"What are you talking about, Theon? What about covering up? Where are you guys taking me?"

"Well my young wolf," Theon sounded annoyingly wise. "Since your initiation into the Club of Outstandingly Cool Kids—"

"I apologize for the rude acronym. We created this club in high school and the name stuck," Jon smiled apologetically.

"—as demonstrated by beautiful injury you dealt Joffrey Baratheon, we want to congratulate you."

"I'm still confused."

"Therefore, we will be taking you to our secret hangout! It's not really secret, though. It's just out of the way."

"I thought we were taking Arya to my church group so we can watch some of my new friends' oral presentations on the Bible!" Robb sounded completely aghast.

Theon snorted. "Robb, the only kind of oral that goes on at 7pm on a Friday night is not the kind of oral you're thinking about. Or maybe you are. I still can't figure out if this whole Christian thing is for real, or if you're hoping to pick up religious chicks."

Jon met Arya's confused stare and rolled his eyes. "I only agreed to this because I figured you probably didn't want to go to Robb's church thing."

"Theon! Jon!" Sounding remarkably like Catelyn when she was angry, Robb reprimanded, "I cannot think of anything worse than brothers who lie to one another! You'll go to hell if this continues!"

"Robb," Theon snapped. "You're a born again Christian who drives a red Prius. The only thing worse than that is having a girlfriend who takes sex tips from Cosmo seriously."

"Or getting drunk enough to try and bang your sister," Jon muttered underneath his breath.

"I thought we agreed to never speak of that again."

Arya tuned out her brothers' squabbling and turned her attention to the interior of the car. As usual, Robb kept his precious vehicle in pristine condition. The carpet was lush and fluffy, the leather seats smooth as butter, and the windows free of fingerprints.

Whoops, not anymore. Arya quickly pulled the offending hand away from the previously spotless window, hoping that nobody noticed.

Something was off about this whole scenario. She just couldn't put her finger on it—hang on.

"Theon, why are you driving Robb's car?"

"Because somebody," Jon put an emphasis on the last word, "thought it would be a good idea to paint 'Gospel Bus' all over the side of the Squidmobile."

"For the last time, it's called the Krakenator."

Arya stared at the back of Theon's head, not quite understanding why the hell he did the things he did. "Why did you name your car?"

Looking up at the rear-view mirror from her position in the backseat, Arya could make out Theon faintly smiling.

"You probably didn't know this, but in high school everyone called me the Kraken."

"No they didn't Theon," Jon contradicted. "They called you Squid."

"Squid?"

"He was all flailing limbs and prepubescent awkwardness."

"No I was not!"

"This one time at band camp—"

"We did not go to band camp Jon!"

"Yes we did. I played the tuba."

"Robb, you're not helping!"

"—he just fell right into Robb's tuba. It took all the cooking oil and mayonnaise we had to get him out."

"GODDAMNIT JON!" Theon yelled at the top of his lungs. "THIS IS WHY YGRITTE DUMPED YOU."

A suffocating silence took over. Arya extended a hand to her brother, hoping to somehow comfort him, but he was curled up in a ball facing the window. She looked helplessly at him, wishing he would just get over his ex-girlfriend and move on with his life.

"Jon?" Theon inquired nervously. "You know I'm not serious, right? I'm just playing with you. We're cool right?"

Robb joined the chorus of questioning. "Jon, I do wish the best for you and God and I both agree that you will gain nothing from wallowing in the past."

Jon said nothing.

"Shit," Theon swore. "Shit is he crying?"

Arya tried to find any evidence of her usually stoic brother shedding tears, but he was too tightly bundled up. "I don't know."

"Crap, Arya give him a tissue."

"I don't have a tissue."

"Well I'm driving! Robb?"

"I'm not about to ruin my good handkerchief!" Robb gasped. "A lovely lady at my parish embroidered it with my name for me!"

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, JUST GIVE IT TO HIM!"

Arya winced. Theon, for some strange reason, liked to yell a lot and not pay attention while he was driving—oh crap. "Theon, keep your eyes on the road!"

"Thou shalt not use God's name in vain!" Robb held up his tiny crucifix like it was a shield against evil. Knowing him, he probably thought it was.

"NOBODY CARES, ROBB!"

"THEON!" Arya screeched. "PUT YOUR HANDS BACK ON THE WHEEL!"

"YOU ARE GOING TO HELL THEON. I CAN NO LONGER PRAY FOR YOUR DAMNED SOUL."

Arya gripped the edges of her seat as Theon continued to accelerate. Trees were whipping by and she no longer recognized the scenery. They were far from Winterfell by now. A nearby sign depicting a leaping cow and an acorn loomed ahead, but she could barely make out the words in the darkness.

All of a sudden, a large creature leapt onto the road.

"COW!" Arya screamed.

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME, SQUIRT?"

"NO! COW ON THE ROAD!"

The car swerved out of control as its passengers cried out in terror.

Blue roses at a funeral weren't exactly appropriate, thought Catelyn as she watched her husband place a wreath onto the casket. Ned swiped a finger across his eyes and Catelyn knew he was holding back tears.

She walked up to her husband and placed her head on his shoulders. In return, he put an arm around her, kissing her on the crown of her head.

Robert Baratheon, Ned's best friend strode up to them, all traces of his usual swagger gone. "I'm sorry for your loss," he said somberly.

Ned looked up at him and smiled through watery eyes. "I'm sorry for our loss. Jon Arryn was a good man."

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