"Oh, Elfman, you big oaf!"

"I didn't mean to, Ever. I-"

"You're useless, you know that."

"No man is useless!"

"Well, considering I don't see a man here-"

"You take that back!"

"Make me."

"Would you two knock it off," came the complaint of Freed as, with a glare, he sent them a look over his shoulder. "Honestly."

"He dropped the-"

"A man can drop whatever he likes!"

Bickslow, from the living room, where he was lounging on the couch, only tsked. "They're pitiful, the way they can't get anything done. Don't you think so, Lissy?"

"They really are," she agreed from where she was beside him, doing an equal amount of fuck all. "If we were getting this all together-"

"You are supposed to be helping," Freed complained from in the kitchen where he was trying to whip Evergreen and Elfman into shape. It was...well, actually, it was going about as well as he'd thought it would. "The whole reason you came here was to help. Why else are you here if not to help?"

"For the free dinner."

"Duh."

It didn't matter in which order the pair of them said that. Because, ultimately, it was only together that they could annoy people so well. They practically were one.

Maybe they should have been the ones to get engaged…

Which, yes, was why they were in the current predicament they were in. Following Laxus' proposal to Mirajane, Freed told the others that they should do something nice for the two of them.

Of course, the other four had a myriad of responses.

"What do you mean do something nice for them?" Elfman had complained. "I'm letting him marry my sister. What more could he ask for?"

"I don't do nice things for people," Evergreen had retorted. "Especially that Strauss."

"Something nice for the boss and the future Mrs. Boss, huh?" Bickslow had snickered before giving a salute. "Why not something big? Elaborate? Oh, I know! I won't ask for any help with my rent this month."

"I," Lisanna agreed, "fully support that. I won't ask Mirajane for anymore days off. So she'll have to cover for me less."

Freed did not find any of them cute nor their lackluster responses. So, after composing himself, he decided for all of them what they would do. First, he suggested chipping in for a present.

Of course, poor Freed only got another one of their endless supplies of ridiculous statements.

"I gave him the present of marrying my sister!"

"I would rather choke."

"I'd chip in to buy boss a new motorcycle so that he gives me his old one, but I'll have to do a rain check on the whole, you know, chipping in part."

"I not only agree with Bickslow, but I will also suggest buying them a new house, so Bickslow and I get the old one."

"And that defeats the rent problem! Score one for Lissy!"

It took some more composure from Freed to find something else to suggest. That time, it was that they, at the very least, plan them a party.

"I...a man can't complain about a party."

"Well, if there's wine-"

"Lissy and I have some requests-"

"-but no complaints."

And so it was settled.

To commemorate their engagement, Laxus had taken Mirajane out on a short vacation and, well, what could be more perfect than to surprise them with a party upon their return?

A new motorcycle, complained Bickslow.

A new house, agreed Lisanna.

Literally being any place, but his own damn apartment, sighed Freed when he had to invite them all in and begin the preparations.

They were not going smoothly.

To say the least.

"It's been long enough now," he'd addressed the two couples with his arms folded behind his back, "that we should be able to at least attempt a dinner party and have it go marginally well. Have we not matured then, since the last?"

They all glanced around at one another. Bickslow beamed, Lisanna blushed, Evergreen huffed, and Elfman only shrugged.

"So you know what that means, yes?" Freed kept up. "Don't you? Should I go over a few things?"

There were pleas for him to not, but, well, that just meant even more to Freed it was necessary.

"There will be," he began, "no mentions of murder, necrophilia, loogies in others drinks, arguing over who's a man, arguing over who's not a man, no calling things gross, no stupid inside jokes that only serve to derail conversations, no bring up previous sexual partners, no bringing up sexual endeavors or hopes of any kind, preferably, no attempts on one another's lives, no talking of cannibalism, cannabis, or...the tape incidence."

This got silence finally.

For a moment.

"I don't remember any of that crap," Bickslow complained loudly. "Sounds like Freed here is over here making up fantasies."

"Necrophilia? Cannibalism?" Lisanna whistled and shook her head. "You're a sick man, Freed."

"What? You are the ones that have-"

"Pretty gross," Bickslow offered up. "I think, Lissy."

"I dunno. I think the loogie thing is grosser."

"Than necro-"

"Definitely."

"Well, the tapes are definitely-"

"The grossest!"

As the pair of them laughed and laughed Freed only seethed while Evergreen sighed and Elfman racked his brain to figure out just when all of this could have possibly all taken place.

Far too long ago, he decided.

Because Freed was right about one thing, it was time they had another one of their family dinners. Their last get-together felt like it was well over a year ago. Much less the last time they had an epic party.

It was long overdue.

The assertion that any of them, any ounce of them, had matured in the slightest was, well, it was completely wrong.

As he tried to get them all to work together to get the party underway, Freed was made known this fact.

A year away changed nothing. Ten years away would change nothing. They were who they were simply because that's who they were. Time was simplistic and irreverent.

Mostly, Freed found that he could be as poetic about it as he wanted; his friends were assholes.

Plain and simple.

Still, things had to get done and, though he found the others to be a bit...tedious at times, Freed truly did wish to treat both Mirajane and Laxus to a surprise of sorts, to honor their newfound happiness. Or perhaps confirmation on the happiness was a better word for it. Laxus was, after all, his closest ally and mentor while Mirajane, though they were quite different in the approach, had forged an even tighter bond in recent years than those of their youth even. While Mira constantly insisted that all of them were a family, they were a family of tiers in may ways. With the Bickslow and Lisanna circling the bottom, Elfman and Evergreen barely treading the water of the middle, and Freed placed squarely with Mirajane and Laxus as the elite on top. While there was a system in place in the tiers, even, Freed still felt a rather close connection to the slayer and his soon to be wife.

It didn't mean that the bond between the Thunder Legion and Strauss siblings wasn't separate all the same.

But it did mean that each was different and special.

Freed knew that if he were the one with such a big occasion on the horizon, Mirajane would definitely force the others to push passed their inadequacies in order to put together a celebration in his honor. And Laxus, though he might deny it, would assist with pride as well.

So it was the least Freed could do, as the last of the top tier, to force the others into cooperation.

"You could at least," the rune mage decided then with a bit of a grumble, "set the table, Bickslow. Lisanna. One of you."

"Oi, but don't ask me to fill any drinks. I'm feeling a loogie coming on."

"Just don't put it in mine, alright, Bicks?"

"Of course not, Lissy. Need you to get all the beer in ya as possible, no spit contamination. How else am I gonna score, huh?"

"Pretty easily," Evergreen complained at them from the kitchen, "considering how easy she- Elfman!"

"That's my sister! A man doesn't insult another man's sister in front of him! What's the big idea, Evergreen?"

"Other than the fact that I'm not a man-"

"No, I wanna go over that fact," Lisanna carped, voice full of offense, from the living room. "In detail."

"What did you say you little-"

"Don't go after Lissy when you drew first blood, Ever."

"Don't you talk to me in any capacity, Bickslow, you little worm. Don't make me turn you to-"

"I'll control you before you ever have a chance to-"

"No!" And Freed, from where he was trying to chop all the veggies for the roast, had had enough it seemed. "None of that either. Honestly, all of you, listen to yourselves. Mirajane and Laxus do much for us."

"Sis, fine, she does a bunch," Elfman complained. "But Laxus-"

"Laxus is the one that does the most," Evergreen replied. "Your wretched older sister though-"

"They both do plenty, you ingrates." Freed, it seemed, had had enough. "Laxus has covered the expense for all of us more than enough times that we are all monetarily indebted to him a thousand times over. And who is it that plans all the time for us all to be together? Mirajane. Much less who it is that forces Laxus to do monetary things for the lot of you. They take us on vacations, they look out for us; they're the whole reason any of us are together right now! It does not matter who you think has done more; either way, you should be driven by your desire to please those who care so dearly for you in their greatest time of joy. How then could you be so callus and selfish as to ignore this and choose rather to wallow in your own pleasures? When they would gladly give up their owns for all of you?"

Again, he got silence.

Then,

"That was a manly speech and all, Freed, but a bit on the long side."

"Honestly, Freed, are you tearing up? Mirajane is unworthy of Laxus, as you well know, and he deserves no consolation for picking her."

"Ah, Freed, you turning soft on me, huh?"

"I think it was cute...but also gross."

"Grosser."

"Grossest!"

"I quit." At the end of Bickslow and Lisanna's little bit there, Freed sat his knife down and, with a long sigh, took to untying the chef's apron he wore when cooking.

"Quit what?" Evergreen asked with a frown over at him while Elfman only made a face.

"You can't walk out on us," the man complained. "Freed. We don't know how to do all this on our own."

"Hey, that's right!" As he passed through the living room, Freed drew the ire of the other couple as well. "Thought we were brothers, Freed? You can't leave me to deal with these degenerates. Lissy and I can't sit back and do nothing if you're not here doing something."

Lisanna, of course, was the most regretful and called out to him, "You know we were just kidding. No one wanted to hurt your feelings. Freed, come on. We'll help. You don't have to go."

But oh, he did. Because if he stayed much longer, he'd find himself completely miserable.

And he didn't want to be that.

Not when he was so happy, before, with the thoughts of surprising his idol and his future bride.

It was just so frustrating to him at times. When Mirajane and Laxus were around, Freed typically had some like minded individuals to commiserate with. Though Mira could be a bit daft, she and him both shared a similar desire for the more civil sides of life. And Laxus, though quite cantankerous at times, felt ultimately the same way. Both were on the same maturity level as him and, though they could be brought down to the level of the others around them as well, when there were three of them banded together, they could contain outbursts by the others.

This was his ultimate failure though, in things. He shared a tier with two people who were, ultimately, paired over him and therefore, when it all came down to it, things would always be him against the others. And though, when they were younger, he held quite the reigns on Bickslow and Evergreen, when they were around their specific Strauss sibling, things could get more than a bit sticky.

Evergreen felt an undeniable rage when Elfman was near. Especially if others were also around. And Elfman, quite the showman in normal situations, had his desire to prove himself cranked up to eleven at the mere mention of the woman. They were drawn to one another and, for a reason that no one could quite figure out, this drew bloodlust from the pair for one another than it typically did much else.

And then Bickslow and Lisanna.

Bickslow and Lisanna.

Bicks and Lissy.

Ugh.

Freed had suffered through some terrible things before. He'd almost been murdered by Satan Soul for gosh sake's. But oh, he'd go through with that, if it meant avoiding the terrible relationship that was Bickslow and Lisanna.

Alone, both were fine. Rather enjoyable, even. Bickslow and Freed had been best friends since childhood and he would put his life in the hands of no other above him. Lisanna, though they might not have always been close, Freed found to be a pleasure to know and would be reminisce to think there was a chance otherwise. On the outside, they had no similarities that might draw one another to the other. On the inside, they had no similarities that might draw one another to the other. In any realm of possibility, they had no similarities that might draw one another to the other.

And yet…

It was complicated, to say the least. And when he attempted to dissect the relationship, as he'd long done with the one Ever had with Elfman and the one that Laxus found himself in with Mirajane, it somehow felt far more complex than anything Freed had ever considered.

They didn't make sense. At all. That Lisanna would wish to be with a man that typically was so far removed from her normal circle stumped Freed and he came to the conclusion that, perhaps, it was some sort of desire for the strange. Because Bickslow was plenty strange for a normal woman, but one that rarely stepped outside of her bright beautiful picturesque circle of friends had to see him as a nightmare.

But then...maybe after all she'd gone through...that was what Lisanna wanted?

That didn't, of course, explain Bickslow's desire for the woman. The seith certainly returned any feelings she had for him and, seemingly, felt them more intensely. The best Freed could figure what that it went with his tortured soul gag that he liked to play up. Lisanna was the perfect angel and he was the damage goods that got to lust after her.

Maybe.

Maybe their feelings were beyond Freed's understand and the pair were simply meant to be.

Regardless, the fact that they chose to be together didn't bother Freed. It hardly bothered anyone. Made them scratch their heads, perhaps, but certainly didn't cause anyone bouts of anger.

Or...at least it shouldn't have.

The pair had the uncanny ability to pull the most unlikable qualities from one another and, while finding their own joy in it, beating the fact over the heads of anyone in hearing distance. Sweet, cute Lisanna was turned into a dirty, rambunctious deviant while the dark, sarcastic Bickslow turned into, at best, a clown, and at worst, a sadistic, slick tongued jerk.

It was infuriating. It was nonsensical.

It was Bickslow and Lisanna.

Heh.

Sometimes, Freed considered what life would be like without their constant interactions. Not with the Thunder Legion or Laxus, and not necessarily with the Strauss siblings, but rather them as a whole. Together. The Thunder Strauss Tribe, as Mirajane deemed it.

They...aggravated him to no end.

It wasn't jealousy. Freed saw no need for such relations like they all had. It would distract him from his most important goal; guarding over Laxus. And, if he were lucky, the offspring that Mirajane and Laxus' union would produce. He didn't want what the others had. They only further complicated their lives with over extended relationships. His life was pure though and, though he cared deeply for Fairy Tail and, more importantly, the little group they'd formed, he knew that he wasn't overburdened by any of them.

His mind wasn't clouded by romantic love.

He didn't wish for it to be.

His aggravations with the others surpassed such frivolous things as jealousy. It was deeper. It was….

It was inconceivable to him, that they could become they way they were, just from being exposed to one another. He longed for the days of old, when Evergreen and Bickslow were closer to his own sensibilities. For when Laxus was his own man, not a man that also had a woman who he had to call and check with before going on long sabbaticals and jobs. For when the Strauss siblings were just that to him; the Strauss siblings. Not people that he had to consider close friends and take into consideration, even, their feelings with certain actions that he took in his day to day life.

Mostly, he longed for the past, when things were some complicated. Where, if Laxus was...marrying someone, fine, Freed might be cordial about it, but he certainly wouldn't get misty in the eyes and hope the best for them. He would just hope the best for Laxus, whatever that might mean, and that the actions the man took didn't do much to damage his own reputation.

Now he felt all sorts of emotions. He, of course, wished them both the best, but also found concerns in what taking things to such a step would mean. There was no going back from marriage. Well, there was, but in terms of the guildhall, there weren't. Before, when they were only dating, back before things go serious, perhaps if things went south, they could eventually find themselves in the guildhall together with no hard feelings, but as time went on, it became clear this wasn't the case. And though the guildhall could withstand the separation of the two, perhaps even thrive from it with Laxus off on his own, away from the place completely, but...Freed and the others…

They truly had become a family. It was scary to admit and Freed had trouble doing so as freely as Mirajane did, but it was true. He might not be as close to Elfman as the others and he was sure Bickslow and Mirajane weren't going out to dinner alone together, but they were all part of a very specific group that cared very deeply for one another.

There was no doubting that.

But…

Things weren't necessarily better before, but they were certainly easier. Stuff like what had just happened at his apartment didn't occur. There was more regimen to the lives of the Thunder Legion and, fine, maybe not the Strausses so much, but what did he care? He didn't. Before.

There's a longing in apathy, but a definitely weirder thought process that went into longing for apathy.

Still, after walking around for a bit, Freed knew that he had to return home. For one thing, it was his home, not theirs, and he had no idea what the group was doing back there. Sometimes their spats could get a bit heated between the two warring groups of Bickslow and Lisanna and Evergreen and Elfman.

Mostly though, he knew that he'd left that note on Mirajane and Laxus' front door instructing them to come over to his place after settling in and, well, he had to live by that. He wouldn't let the two of them down.

He truly did hope to show them a nice time.

So he made a stop first, at a liquor store, to pick up some different spirits than his home might offer. Even splurged and bought an expensive wine for the occasion that he was sure Evergreen would be highly critical of and then drink the most from it, but nothing ws too good for his idol, after all.

Laxus, at least, would appreciate the gesture.

And Mirajane would be overjoyed by the whole thing, but definitely have a few kind words to share with the rune mage over such a thing.

When he arrived back at his quaint apartment, Freed was surprised to find it not only untouched, but also in a better state than he left it.

"Freed!" Lisanna was the first to greet him. "Good, you're here. Mirajane was on the lacrima, to make sure your note was correct, and her and Laxus will be over here in about an hour."

"What?"

"Oi, Freed, more wine," Bickslow remarked as he poked his head out of the kitchen. He was not only wearing the apron that the other man had discarded, but also found a puffy chef's hat from somewhere to stick on his head. "Good. Evergreen's drinking it like a fish and water."

"You are such a jerk," came the voice of Evergreen from Freed's dining room that, when he peeked into, he saw she and Elfman diligently settling out the silverware. "And Elfman, forks do not go next to-"

"I know what I'm doing, Ever."

"You clearly don't, you big oaf, so-"

"You all got this together?" Freed asked then as Lisanna, still before him, only grinned brightly.

"Of course we did," she told him with a bit of a confused head tilt. "Aren't you happy?"

Yes. Certainly. But also a bit surprised. Not that he should be though because, though he'd forgotten, he was quickly reminded that though his family were the ultimate fuck ups, they were still Fairy Tail wizards.

And when their heads were close to the gravel, they were always able to pick themselves up with minor scratches.

Because+ they were assholes. They were inadequate. They were second and third tier.

But they were still part of the Thunder Strauss Tribe.

And that meant that when their backs were against the wall, they could pull off the impossible.

Like getting along long enough to get the dinner all ready…

Not to say that it lasted long. Because though they could band together to do amazing things, old habits died hard. When Mirajane and Laxus arrived, it was to a nice, professional seeming dinner party.

"You know," Mira told them with a grin over the glasses of wine they shared before it all went to shit, "this is kind of like an engagement party."

"Yes," Freed said with a nod of his head. "Exactly that."

"Well, not exactly," the woman went on. "Those are usually so that, you know, both sides of the family can get to know one another. But me and dragon, well, our families already know one another. Don't we guys?"

"Well, some of us are fucking," Bickslow offered to the snickers of his babies and the giggles of Lisanna. "I think that helps."

"It helps," Evergreen mumbled around her drink, "nothing."

"It's great all the same, Freed," Laxus was sure to tell him to which Mirajane beamed brightly at him. "Thank you. All of you, I mean."

Well, it was great. Before…

Before.

Before the things that happened every time that they got together.

Before the undeniable desires Bickslow and Lisanna had to watch the world burn around them crashed into the ones Elfman had to prove his dominance over Laxus and Evergreen's attempts to drink herself into the next great flood.

Before Mirajane cried over how nice it all was.

Before she cried over how shit it all became.

Before Elfman threw his glass of water in Laxus' face, before the slayer responded by shooting lightning at him.

Before Bickslow made horribly inappropriate jokes about anything and everything and before Lisanna laughed at every single one except for that one. The one that always caused the chain reaction that triggered everything else and oh, wow, Evergreen had taken Bickslow's stone body hostage and why did they all like one another again?

"Because we're a family," Mirajane sighed as, though tired as she was, she stayed around to help Freed pick up as all the drunks and rageaholics were sent home before they caused too much damage to those around them. As she and Freed picked glass out of the carpet in the living room, she giggled over at his look of displeasure. "And now we'll be even more of one. And you do for family, you know, Freed."

"Believe me," he sighed with a shake of his head. "I know."

"It was nice of you to do this," she added. "This party. Laxus and I weren't expecting it."

"That's what makes it a surprise, after all."

"I'm sorry they ruined your apartment again though."

"Yes, well, what's a party without some damage? Hmmm? When it comes to them?"

"You really are a great brother, Freed. And a friend."

Bowing his head deeply, he consider this. It had been him to talk Evergreen into reviving Bickslow and assist Mirajane in stopping Laxus from murdering her brother. He'd walked the sobbing Lisanna home after the drunk Bickslow took off on his own with his babies because h needed his space because he was a dark soul who'd just been showed up and ugh.

Just ugh.

"Sometimes," he confided in the woman, "it feels a bit...much though, doesn't it?"

"Try all the time," Mira giggled as she went back to looking at the carpet. "But…I'd take this, every single day, than how it was before."

"Before?" he asked, thinking of the times he reminisced on his walk alone. When the Thunder Legion was its own entity and completely separated from the Strauss siblings. "You mean-"

"I mean when I was young and angry and then when Lisanna was.. I always wanted this. I mean, with my two siblings, I guess to some my family is big, but I always wanted bigger," Mira confided in him. "Something to get lost in, really. Where what you thought and felt changed constantly because the situation changed constantly and you were always on your toes, but you were always in love, too, with at least some facet of things. I thought I'd have to wait until I…until I found the right person and started having children. But to find the right person and get it before that, even is just..."

Freed, for the first time that night, returned her grin easily and nodded his head. He was still angry, of course, at the others for ruining the night (and his home), but had to agree with most of the sentiment that Mirajane had just shared with him.

It was, after all, a lot of what he too felt though was rarely able to put into words.

As Laxus groaned from where he was unthinking sleeping until the following morning and Mirajane rose to go check on him, Freed found himself chuckling softly and shaking his head.

"Yes, Mirajane," he whispered though she was gone. "It is just...all a man could ask for."

Y'all had to know it wouldn't be too long before we got the whole gang back together, references to all their former misdeeds and all. So, I feel like I've covered a good portion of things they, as a group, can go through and though I still got plans for them, if there's anything I haven't covered yet that you guys want me to, just mention it. I'm always looking for more Thunder Strauss shit to write for the people who enjoy it.