song fic--
simple and clean.
----You'r getting me, to many things, lately.-----
the late septemeber ground was almost as cold as the harsh metal between my fingers, it was a bracelett Axel had givin to me about a month before I left the organization. I hold it quite prcious to me, it has the Kanji for 'Ai' on it [translated to love.
----you'r all I need.---
I was stupid, really, because when He first gave it to me I threw it back at him.
"I don't want it, Axel!"
he pouted with that dumb smile, holding a fist to his hip.
"Yes, you do, and anyways I made it especially for you."
I chucked it straight at his face, but, beofore it could hit him he cought it.
"I hope you didn't mean for that to hit me."
With no regard towards my warning he threw it right back.
I kept it in a jewlery box, even put a lock on it.
I told him I threw it out the next day
--you smiled at me and said...---
Axel was never one to be suttle about things, he forced his oppionions and was bunt about EVERYTHING, so I learned to expect the unexpected with him. Living in a castle with a group like the organzation didn't help, either, the personalities in that one house was unbeleieveable, yet, to me atleast, Axel was the most amazing, without a doubt.
--'Dont get me wrong I love you, but does that mean I have to meet you'r father?'--
I was a night like this, the night I ran away, a million-- No, two million stars scattered the sky, it was a calming effect to the the mental wars my head was wageing that night. I wanted to stay with him so baddly, I wanted to run back and cry in his arms, scream for him to help, I wanted him by my side, I wanted to tell him I ALWAYS wanted him by my side, but I didn't, I kept walking and I left... and I didn't look back.
--When we are older you'll understand what I ment when I said 'no.'--
He asked me to stay, you know, he looked at me with those big green eyes, looked at me straight, not a muscle dare betraying his will to supress the saddness the desperation I knew he was hiding, and he said to me:
"I'll never forgive you if you go."
"I Have to."
At that moment I saw Axel, the big, strong man I truley looked up to crack. He fell to his knees, letting tears fall freely.
"Please, Roxas, please, Don't go, stay here... with me."
I felt like I was screaming at the top of my lungs infront of five million people, yet, no one heard me, I felt helpless.
"No."
I'm so sorry, Axel, But... it's not that simple.
---I don't think Life is quite that simple.---
I walked away, walked away for the only person that ever gave me that slight taste of the emotion they call 'Love.', I felt like I was dying, but I knew I couldn't, at that point, the saddest, lowest point in my 'life' I couldn't even let myself die, because I had to see him again, I had to keep breathing so I could meet him even if it was just more time.
----please, oh baby don't go.---
"Please, Roxas hs voice echoed my head "Don't go!
When I left the organzation, and went to find myself the troubles where awfull, wether it all was worth it was indead questionable, but I kept going anyways in hopes I'd see him again, as a person not only he coud like but I could like, aswell,
---simple and clean is the way that you'r making me feel tonight, it's hard to let it go.---
It's a simple act, I know, but it changed my entire life. It was snowing that night, I happened to be fixated with snow; how the bothersome substance of rain could transform into such a beautiful creation. Now that I think about it, that might have been what inspired me to change... to get to know myself. Anyhow, I wasn't 'cold', more 'missing', I didn't feel completely whole that night, then again it's not like I'd ever been whole, so I suppose I don't know what that feels like.
---Hold me, Whatever lies beyond this morning is a little later on.---
Lonelyness, I believe that is what they call the emotion, 'Lon-Li-Nesss'. THAT is how I felt that night, looking off at the white snow, pure, the 2nd closest thing to perfect in this whole word.
He sat down next to me and smiled.
"You looked chilly, so I brought you a blanket."
He smiled, happily holding out a blanket.
"Thanks."
he sat this me all night, all night untill morning came, arm around my shoilder.
Axel.
THE closest thing.
---Regardless of warning the future doesn't scare me at all, nothing's like before.---
"Why, Axel, Why do I have the keyblade!?"
He never gave me a straight answer when I asked him that, though, I guess I never really ever expected him to know.
"I'm scared, I don't even know myself."
He would always comfort me, Lull me with lies and fantasies, if only to see me happy.
"The future will come, wether we want it to or not, so insted of being scared we shoud embrass it, with open arms."
You know, looking back on it, I think that's the smartest thing he ever said to me, heh...
---he daily things, That keep us all bussy are confusng me that's when you came to me and said...--
It's funny, I'm sitting here all alone on some old hill looking off at nothing thinking about the past. I'm so confused without him, it's a mystery how I live everyday life without him. I do it, but it's hard.
-- "Wish I could prove I love you, but does that mean I have to walk on water?"---
"What the hell are you doing in here so late!?!?"
"Shhh! I couldn't sleep."
Axel emphasized his words with a figure to his lips, he was dragging a blanket and an incredibly embaressing, child-appropriate teddy bear he called 'Hime' [transltion to princess.
"So! what does that have to do with me!" I threw my comforter over my head and continued my attempts to sleep.
"Aww, come on, Dont be so prude, It's just for tonight."
I scowled, if only to myself and in a somewhat forced manor threw the blanket open to my side.
he cought it, as I knew he would and crawled under, scooping me up.
"Roxas, I don't care if you hate me for it, I'm going to prove it..."
I didn't have to ask what he ment, I layed there in his arms all night, against his bare chest, against where his heart would have been. He didn't have to worry, hell, he didn't even have to prove it, I already knew, and I did to.
---when we are older you'll understand it's enough when I say so, and maybe somethings are that simple.---
"It's as simple as that, Roxas, I love you!"
Oh, he made me sweat that day, ... cough me completely off gaurd.
"You WHAT!?"
"I..." He pointed to himself. "Loveeee" he made a heart with his hands "You." He smilled, closed eyes and finguer pointed.
he felt no shame for it, like he owed no one an appology for the way he felt, which he shoudn't, but still, I envied his ability to be so true to himself he could blurt those things out.
I couldn't. No one would believe us, we where Nobodies we didn't have hearts, we couldn't feel, we couldn't love.
That was another thing that made me doubt my knowing myself, they said we don't have emotions, but I felt love, They said we're not whole, but when I was with him I was complete, they said we don't exist but he felt so real.
--- when you walk away you don't hear me say please oh baby, don't go.---
It doesn't matter now, though, none of it matters, really. I'm all alone in this world, without him, without anyone. I couldn't save him, I couldn't help him. I cryed when I saw his face, the need painted across it, the desperation to see me, just once more... reminded me of me. I couldn't break from Sora, I was right there Screaming his name, screaming to him that I loved him and I needed him... but he couldn't hear me, and once again I was lost.
He was everything to me, he was my best friend, and I'm thinking maybe that was his sick way of getting back at me for leaving him. But that was just Axel, always ready to re-taliat.
I owe him alot, I owe him my life. In some way I look forward to the day I die, though, I have a bone to pick with him.
"I'll never forgive you if you go!"
Axel, my love, you should practice what you preach.
---Simple and clean is the way that you'r making me feel tonight it's hard to let it go. Hold me, whatever lies boyond this morning is a little later on, regardless of warning the future doesn't scare me at all, Nothings like before.----