I own nothing more burdening than the stubbornness that controls me, and it's the same stubbornness I've grown fond of…but not anymore.

This is not supposed to be happening…

This cant be happening

Not to a soldier

Not to…Alec

But it is…it is and I am in shock.

I am screaming, and pushing…

Pushing and screaming…

But he still doesn't move

And it's as if no one can hear me

For a second I forget to breathe as I watch him being loaded into one of the rescue vehicles.

He's a soldier, I cry

He'll make it, I yell

But no one can hear me…

And I remember to breathe

Josh rushes by my side, and whispers something to me…

I can't hear him though

My body is numb, and my eyes are fixated on the rescue vehicle

The one now transporting Alec's near lifeless body

And then everything fades…

I wake up, and as I realize where I am I gasp

Ready to run, but the tubes and wires are holding me back

I don't care though

I can't care- not now…

I rip them out one by one, without even the slightest wince…

I can't care about myself now…

I regain my balance, and start to run

I don't know where I'm running to

But my heart knows

And I keep going…

Faster and faster

Till suddenly I come to a stop at the ICU room of TerminalCity's hospital…

I open the doors

Ignoring the voices of nurses and everyone else…

I can't care about them- not right now…

I rush past Doc, almost pushing everyone out of my way

And my eyes land on his dying form

I kneel down, and stroke his hair…

I refuse to hear Doc asking me to leave…

Telling me I should still be in bed and that I could lose a lot of blood

I don't care…

I continue to stroke his hair…

And whisper many things that I don't remember

I begged

I pleaded

And ultimately- for the first time in a long time…I cried.

I cried like it was my first time…

I cried so much that I didn't pay my tears any mind.

I couldn't, because Alec needed me

And then reality hit me

And I was crying even more

Yelling that it was all my fault

I shouldn't have been in the car

He didn't want me there

He wanted to be alone

But I refused…

I was too stubborn for my own good

For his own good…

And we argued…

We fought

And I distracted him

I mocked him and yelled

I distracted him…

And then the truck came

I don't even know how fast it was going

How fast we were going

I didn't even see it

But Alec did…

And he threw his self over me

He protected me…

And now he's lying lifeless in his deathbed

Because he saved me

And it's my fault

The nurses are trying to calm me down

And I order them away

Because I have the power to do so

And I continue to cry

Doc tells everyone to go

And holds me tight

And whispers many kind words that I can't remember

And all I remember was that Alec was in a coma

One that he probably wouldn't make it out of…

But I refuse to hear any more

He's a soldier I say

He's a fighter…

He'll survive

But I don't know if he'll survive

And the tears never stop

I get asked a question

And I have to hear it three or four times

It's my choice- I'm told

My choice to end his pain

He probably won't wake up- the words echo

And it's my choice…

He has no one else…

I cry and I scream

I even try to hit

But in the end- it's still my choice

And so I kneel down beside him

I try to smile…

I run my fingers through his hair

And kiss him on the forehead

Then on the cheek

Then once on the lips

And I whisper many kind words

I thank him

I apologize

And I cry

And then I touch his face

Wishing that I did it before

Regretting the moments I've spent without the feeling of his soft skin on mine…

And I cry

Until there's no more tears to cry…

I'm done…

I could end it as a one shot, but I don't have to!