If You Can Hear Me Squeeze My Hand
By Samskid
I just wanted to add a few missing scenes for "Charge of the Post". I left all mention of Lessing and the case out. This story is really more about the team and the bond they all share with one another. Let me know what you think.
[A stroll In the Park
Don came to himself wandering down a quiet path. It wasn't too hot or too cool just a perfect spring afternoon in the park. Light filtered down through the trees coloreing everything in cool greens with a slight smattering here and there of wild flowers.
"Hey! I don't know this place." he said out loud. He had never seen anyplace like this. If this was Central Park there should be people around. Kids playing ball, joggers jogging, runners running, and teenagers necking…but there was none of that, just him and the cool breeze and the sound of the leaves rustling overhead.
He walked a little farther confusion and uncertainty growing stronger. He rounded a bend and could hear the sound of running water. On the bank of a quiet little stream was a park bench and sitting on the park bench sat a woman. Her face was turned slightly away from him but there was something about the way she sat, how she held herself…how did he know her?
Then she turned and catching his eye she smiled.
"Whoa! Now what's wrong with this picture?" He said still voicing his thoughts.
"Hi right back at ya." Aiden grinned even more not at all offended by his reaction to finding her there, in fact she seemed amused.
He could only stare. Aiden was dead he knew this. He had seen her remains, her DNA and dental records had proved they were her remains but here she was sitting on a park bench smirking at him, her eyes filled with humor.
"Come on Donny, what's wrong cat got your tongue? Don't tell me you're not glad to see me."
"Uh…I thought you were dead." And then with a little anger and maybe some hurt too "What is this? What kinda game are you playin here? You know what findin those remains did to Mac? To Stella? To…to…all of us?" he stopped just short of saying "to me?"
"Look, I'm sorry, but it's no game. That was me you guys found."
He eyed her unbelieving "I don't get it. How could that be you and then here you are. Talk to me Aiden."
"Come here," she patted the empty space on the bench beside her "Calm down and let me explain."
He merely shook his head waiting for her to go on.
She sighed heavily "Okay, have it your way. Look, like I said, that was me, or what was left of me." She smiled sadly looking off into the distance
"Don? What's the last thing you remember?"
He stared at her trying to figure out what she was getting at. He shrugged "I don't know. What are you talking about? What do you mean 'the last thing I remember?' About you? About what?
"Come on Don, what's the very last thing you remember before you found yourself here?"
He stood gaping at her "Aiden I don't have time for this, what's going on here?" he was becoming more and more frustrated with her.
She raised her hands palms facing outward, "Don, just do it. Tell me. What do you remember?"
He shook his head "Okay! Alright already! I 'm walkin with Lindsay and…and…then me and Mac are checking out this building and then…" he shook his head trying to clear the mist mucking up his mind. Suddenly and with great clarity it came crashing back.
"Mac!" he turned as if half expecting to find him there.
"No Don, he aint here."
"Oh shit! Oh man! Does that mean …you know…?" he couldn't quite bring himself to finish.
He decided that maybe he would sit next to her after all. It was that or fall flat on his butt.
She patted his knee and leaned her head against his shoulder. "No not yet, but who knows."
"And what in the hell does that mean?!" he jerked around almost knocking her over.
She laughed, "It means, that you're kinda in between. You could go either way."
"Go either way? God Aiden! Speak English here." He hung his head between his knees afraid he was going to pass out any minute.
She laughed again "Don? How bad do you wanna go back? You still got time."
He turned to look at her "This is all some kind of weird dream right? I took lick to the head and now I'm hallucinatin."
"Don!" a voice sounded from a long distance away. He jerked his head toward the voice just as everything around him started fizz into a black fog. Aiden smiled sadly and the next thing he new he was in the dark trying to make it back to the voice calling him.
"Don!" It was Mac and he was much closer this time. "Mac!" he tried to call back.
"Your gonna be okay, you hear me? You're gonna be okay, just hang on!" We're gonna get you out of here!" And suddenly pain was slamming into him like a wrecking ball. He began to tremble feeling nauseous and cold, oh so cold, but then he could feel strong fingers brace the back of his neck and more fingers gently touching the side of his throat.
"Stay with me, Don!" he could hear the desperation in Mac's voice "Stay with me!"
"Mac!" He tried to call back but found himself powerless to do so.
"Okay Mac!" he tried again but unsure if Mac could hear him.
"Shh, you're gonna be okay, just hold on for me. Stay with me." Mac had hold of him.
"Okay Mac I'm trying!" he called out into the dark fog still not knowing if Mac could hear him but needing to try.
He reached out drawing strength from the sound of the other man's voice.
He could tell that Mac was trying some kind of first aide but the pain and weakness from blood loss had made his mind fuzzy. He cracked an eye open only to see Aiden looking over Mac's shoulder. "I'm dying here." He thought "That's what all this means. Did you come to get me?" he asked the figure standing behind Mac.
She only smiled and shrugged "That's up to you."
[Lindsay
One minute Lindsay was running trying to warn the people on the street to evacuate and the next she was flying through the air. The force of the blast had blown her off her feet expelling the air from her lungs and leaving her ears ringing.
She shook her head trying to get her bearings while her lungs tried to draw in air. She had just enough time to bring her arms up to shield herself from the rain of glass and other debris that seemed to fall for blocks. In her addled state of mind the action around her seemed to be moving in slow motion, but as she regained her senses and was able to breathe again sound returned and the movement around her sped up.
Sirens filed the air along with the sounds car alarms, horns, people screaming and children crying.
She scrambled to her feet and noticed her badge still tightly clutched in one hand and her cell phone in her other. "Oh God, Mac!" she quickly tried his number but got no answer. She tried again "Please, please, please answer Mac, please!" her stomach tightening in panic.
[Stella
She was worried and more than a little anxious. When she along with Hawks and Danny had arrived at the bomb site Lindsay was still trying to get Mac on his cell. She could tell that the younger woman was in a mild state of shock.
Quickly she took control calling out to the group of officers preparing to go into the blown out shell of the building. "Hey guys listen up! There are at least two NYPD cops in there, there may be other survivors! Let's go! Move it!"
She turned back as Lindsay began to fill the others in on the DOA that she, Mac and Flack had been called in on.
Her eyes narrowed noticing the blood on Lindsay's forehead just about that same time Danny spoke up. "Hey are you alright?"
"Yeah, yeah I'm okay" she then watched as Lindsay rubbed at the cut absent mindedly seeming surprised by the blood on her fingers.
Danny didn't seem so sure, "Well check that out." He told her as he and Hawks moved to follow the search and rescue team.
Stella took Lindsay's face in her hands, "Lindsay, you're cut!" she inspected the small gash on the girl's forehead.
"I'm fine" she said bringing the cell phone to her ear once more "It's just ringing!" She was almost in tears.
Stella turned to grab her kit, "Listen to me" she spoke slowly. "Mac's phone probably isn't working, if it were he'd be calling us don't ya think?" She waited a moment to see if Lindsay understood at the same time ripping open the foil pouch containing an alcohol pad. "Now you have to calm down. I need you Lindsay, but I need you with a clear head." She smiled dabbing at the cut "Come on, I'll finish this up and then I need for you to find out for me just how many people might still be in that building. Okay?"
Lindsay took a deep breath calming visibly determined not to let her friends down. "Okay, I'm sorry Stella."
"Nothing to be sorry for. You're doing great." Stella remarked as she took one more swipe at the small cut.
[Mac
He was scared. Hell! scared didn't half cover it, terrified was more like it. This was Beirut all over again. Here he was using a shoelace to tie off a bleeder in a hole the size of bowling ball in the lower part of Flack's chest where there were bits and pieces of bone and entrails mixed with blue ink powder, dust and who knew what else.
Flack didn't look good, not good at all. He was shocky and breathing in shallow gasps. "This can't be happening again" Mac squeezed his eyes shut trying to block memories of another time but Smith's insistent banging only served to make them clearer. He could almost hear the sounds of weapons fire and explosions in the distance.
"Stay with me Don! Stay with me." He clutched Flack's hand like he could hold him in this world by sheer force of will.
Suddenly Danny was there with Search and Rescue, the beams from their flash lights cutting through the darkness like a light sabers. "Mac! Mac you there?"
"Yeah! Danny! Flacks injured!"
"Alright we're comin!" Danny yelled back.
Mac almost sobbed with relief. "Did you hear that Don? Helps coming, they're on their way. I told you I was gonna get you out of here, now you hang on!"
[Danny
He had never seen Mac look so desperate, they had almost had to prize Flack out of his grasp to get the injured man onto the backboard. "Hey! Mac." He spoke softly "Come on let them do their stuff okay?" he saw the blood on Mac's shoulder and winced "How bad are you hurt?" he said pulling at the blood stained neck of the t-shirt Mac still wore.
"I'm okay, just get him to the hospital!" Mac batted his hand away.
"They will, come on lets get you outa here." He gently tugged on Macs arm leading him through the debris.
"Danny? Did you see Lindsay outside?" Mac needed to know that all his people were okay. There would be no way he could rest until everyone was accounted for.
"She's fine Mac. She's with Stella now working the perimeter." Danny tugged him on through the building.
"You're sure? She was just outside when everything blew."
"Yeah Mac, I'm sure. How are you? Any dizziness? Ringing in your ears? Anything?"
"I'm fine Danny, let's just get out of here."
Danny didn't know whether to believe him or not. It was hard to know for sure in the darkness of the building but Mac had looked pale as a ghost when he'd first flashed the beam of light on his face. He kept watching out of the corner of his eye. Mac was a veteran, a Marine. Hell! The man had balls of steel when he had to, but something was off now. Danny couldn't put his finger on it but something just wasn't quite right.
He could still remember how Mac had helped him through those tough days at the hospital with his brother. When his whole world was crashing down around him, when he just couldn't hold himself together anymore, Mac was there with a strong shoulder to cry on.
God, he couldn't believe he had cried like a baby, but Mac never said a word he just wrapped his arms around him and let him cry it out.
Now Mac looked like he was the one who needed the shoulder. Somehow Danny didn't think that he would welcome such a move. Stella might be able to get away with it but Danny knew better than to try.
Feeling very protective he held on to Mac trying to hurry him out of the building, hoping that maybe Stella would know how to make that look in his eyes go away.
[Stella
She was worried. Mac had been close to shock by the time Danny drug him out of the blown out husk of what was left of the building, but in true Mac fashion he had rallied and was giving orders left and right.
Finally he had sheepishly admitted that she had things under control and had allowed the paramedics to clean and dress the wound on his shoulder. "I'm sorry Stella, it's just…Flack you know?"
She smiled and nodded, "Yeah I know, but you know they'll do everything they can."
As they talked she noticed a scar on his upper chest which he was quick to cover with the clean shirt and a hasty "Old injury".
Stella only nodded hoping he would say more.
Mac knew he could tell Stella anything but this was too close to home. Too many memories that he wasn't ready to bring out in the open. He didn't mean to push her away, he didn't want to but…maybe later. Maybe when he was sure about Don, right now there was too much to do.
[Mac in the OR
He stood in the OR watching Don breathe, and quietly cataloging the wounds that covered his torso and face. With shaking hands he raised the camera and recorded image after digital image all the while knowing that these images were now burned on his brain as well. This part of his job had never been particularly easy but this was so much worse. This was Don, this was family.
Aiden stood back watching.
"Hey this is too weird" she jumped as Don spoke beside her. "Am I gonna remember any of this when I wake up?"
"How should I know? Just because I'm here now doesn't mean I'm some kinda expert on this stuff." She cut her eyes around to him. "You know you scared the hell out of him."
"Hey it wasn't my idea to get blown up." He defended himself.
"Yeah I know, I just hate to see Mac so sad, that's all." She sighed.
Don found it very disconcerting to say the least, watching himself being processed. He starred at his own body lying there pale, bruised and battered. Mac finished and stood watching as well. "I'm gonna get you through this Don" he promised and Don knew that Mac always kept his promises.
[Black Coffee Two Sugars
Danny had taken Lindsay home, Hawks had gone to find Flack's neurologist and while he waited for Stella to get back with the coffee Mac closed his eyes and just tried to clear his mind. He felt like he just needed to be still for a minute.
He felt tired, no tired was too mild for what he felt…it was more like bone weary and exhausted but his talk with Stella had helped. It was amazing how much lighter he had felt when he had told her about young Corporal Stan Whitney the young sentry whose memory had been haunting him since Beirut. It was almost as if he had finally been able to lay the young corporal to rest.
Stella made it back with the coffee and sat next to him with a weary sigh of her own.
"I'm glad you stayed." Stella smiled "Mac that's what we do, we take care of each other." He took a sip of hot coffee thankful for her quiet presence.
About an hour later Hawks was back with the news that the CAT scan had been scheduled for 7:00 a.m. the next morning. "I'll call Danny and Lindsay, and I guess we'll see you in the morning." He smiled tiredly "How much longer do you plan to stay?"
"I don't know…I'd like to stay a little while longer. I just can't leave him right now. The intensiveist said that he expected him to come through this okay but…it could still go either way." His gaze traveled across the room to watch Flack through the large window separating them. "If you don't mind, please walk Stella out to her car."
"Sure Mac. Stella?" he offered his arm. "No, I'd like to stay a while longer myself if you don't mind." She countered.
"It's late Stella and one of us has to have a clear head tomorrow, I can tell you right now that's it's not gonna be me. Please just go on home, get a good night's sleep and I'll see you in the morning. Okay?"
"Are you sure? I hate to leave you here alone." she searched his face.
"Yeah, I'm sure. Go. Go to bed. Get some sleep. I promise you, I'll be alright." She knew better than to argue. She rose to her feet, kissed his cheek and took Hawks arm. "Please Mac, try to get some rest." He smiled and nodded tiredly.
Before she left she stopped a nurse and asked her to get him another coffee "Black, two sugars." The nurse smiled and patted her arm. "Don't you worry. We'll take good care of him."
[If You Can Hear Me, Squeeze My Hand
By midnight Mac had waited as long as he could, when he caught the nurses on another part of the floor he slipped into Flacks room and took up his post.
"He looks beat." Aiden stated. "Yeah he's looked better." Don answered.
"Aiden…I don't understand, am I gonna make it? I mean, why am I still here…" he gestured toward his spirit self "…like this? Why are you still here?"
"I told you Don, it's up to you. I'm here just in case." She smiled again. "But I can tell you this, it's almost time."
"Time for what?" he was getting impatient.
It was then as they stood there watching that Mac lifted Don's cold hand from the bed gripping it in his own. "If you can hear me squeeze my hand"
"Here it is Don, decision time. You gotta decide if you're gonna stay here or go with me." He stared at her for a moment not understanding. "What?" She elaborated, "If you plan to stay you need to squeeze Mac's hand. If not we can go now. It's up to you."
Don knew what he wanted to do and found himself drifting toward the bed when Aiden called to him "Donny do me a favor okay?" "Sure, I guess, if I can." he turned back to her.
"If you can remember any of this, give Mac a message for me. Tell him…tell him I know what he did. I know about Pratt and…well just tell him thanks for me, okay? And Don, tell him that I'm good. Yeah, tell him that I'm okay."
"You Got it…and Aiden, it was good seeing you. I'm glad you were here. Thanks." She smiled and he found himself drifting again.
Mac's voice was more insistent this time, "Don, if you can hear me squeeze my hand." He waited holding his breath and then, the relief was almost overpowering when he felt those cold fingers curl and tighten over his own. He bowed his head closing his eyes tightly trying to hold back the tears. He didn't loose this one; he'd lost too many but by some miracle he didn't loose this one.
He felt the fingers tighten again and he almost missed it. "What?' he looked up to see Flack's eyes open to no more than slits but watching him. His lips moved again "Aiden…said to tell you…that she knows…and thanks…she's okay Mac…she's okay." it was no more than that and just barely a whisper but Mac got the message and this time he didn't even try to hold back the tears.
The end.
Hope you liked it.