Author's note: Yes, I know I have been neglecting my other story, and it's not just because of this. We had to go get our new car from this city that's 400 kilometers away from where we live, so the 6 hour journeys back and forth drove me insane. INSANE, I TELL YOU, INSANE. The only thing that kept me from shrieking murder from the pain in my back was my precious techno and trance music. Oh, Armin van Buuren, I love you.
Oh yes, Enrique Iglesias helped me out as well.
Damn, that boy can sing.
And I spent half the journey sleeping, and I was embarrassed to find out I was murmuring, "I love you…I love you…" in my sleep. I think it has something to do with me fantasizing about Tom Felton. Heh. Anyways, enough of my blabber, it's time for you to read this little one shot. Don't kill me, or else Dumbledore will summon up Ronald McDonald and order him to serve you greasy Big Macs until you burst.
Disclaimer: I own not the Harry Potter franchise; otherwise I wouldn't have killed off Snape, Remus, Sirius, and Tonks. But I do own Snape and Draco figurines. Tom and Alan are so hot.
If one were asked to describe Severus Snape in no less than two words, they would have replied with either 'snarky git' or 'grumpy bat'. Severus couldn't blame them, for he grudgingly accepted the fact that he was to act his role as a loyal Death Eater without complaint. Part of that role was to act like a snarky bastard, who gave nasty punishments and never washed his hair. Severus chuckled at the last statement. He, unlike most men, actually cared about his hair. He got mad when a twinkling Albus told him about his role as the 'Greasy Bat of the Dungeons' had to involve him not washing his hair.
Now that the war was over, the so-called 'git' could finally tell everyone his greatest secret.
Smirking to himself, he billowed out of his quarters and strode off to the Great Hall. While walking towards his destination, he recalled a mane of brown bushy hair and a pair of vividly green eyes peering at him inside the Shrieking Shack. He thought he was dead, but no, the know-it-all and Potter couldn't let that happen. It didn't mean he wasn't grateful though, he was, but just the thought of having to teach arrogant little snots once again as a teacher drove him slightly mad. Miss Granger, being the well-prepared girl that she was, had a deadly arsenal of life-saving potions on hand and was able to save him before he succumbed to Nagini's venom. He had to admit, her potion-brewing skills nearly surpassed that of his, and therefore he was back to good health in no less than two weeks.
Severus burst open the Great Hall's doors, and felt four hundred pairs of eyes staring at him as he briskly walked up to the High Table. As the new Deputy Headmaster, everyone couldn't eat until he was there, seated on his own chair beside Headmistress McGonagall. Her face held a slightly reprimanding expression, and raised an eyebrow at the late arrival. He shook his head and sat down. As he sat down, Headmistress McGonagall stood and greeted the students. Whoops, Sorting was over.
While she led everyone in a few moments of silence for the people who had fallen during the war, Severus' thoughts drifted over to Potter and his gang. He had to admit, albeit grudgingly, that they had matured greatly since the war ended, except Weasley, who still swallowed the fame and attention.
Potter had hidden from the spotlight, choosing to quietly reside in Grimmauld Place. He was in the post-war stage, which meant he woke up every morning screaming his balls off over someone who died or a Horcrux.
Longbottom was no longer considered a dolt by his fellow peers, and had quite a following, mostly made up of women. His clumsiness was something else.
The Lovegood girl had earned quite a lot of respect from everyone, even himself. Her participation in warding off the Death Eaters off Hogwarts was astounding; she had taken down at least 6 of them, and knocked out quite a few.
The female Weasley was broody from what he had seen while he lived at Grimmauld Place, mostly because Potter refused to spend time with her.
Miss Granger had stayed with Potter and kept reassuring him. For some reason, that had irritated Severus and caused him to avoid looking at Granger and Potter together.
He was brought back to the world with a clanging of silverware. He blinked and looked down at his plate, and started to serve himself some food, for he knew he would need energy to explain his secret after the meal.
After Professor McGonagall had announced that it was time to start eating, Hermione glanced nervously at a very pale Harry beside her. He still blamed himself for the death of Fred Weasley, and she knew it would be a long time before his nightmares subsided. She put a hand on Harry's arm, who smiled weakly.
"Harry, you really have to eat something, you're deathly pale," Hermione suggested to Harry. "You haven't eaten since breakfast, don't you feel hungry?"
Harry nodded after a moment, and slowly filled up his plate with mashed potatoes and gravy. While Harry was doing that, Hermione glared at Ron, who was stuffing his face full of chicken and peas.
"Ronald, you are such a pig!" she scolded the redhead. He shrugged and kept on eating. Hermione looked at him with disgust and started to eat as well.
"This place is awesome, I can't wait to start learning how to control my magic even more!" a first-year chirped, while her friend nodded in agreement.
Hermione turned to the first year. She had sleek black hair, bright green eyes, and stylish rectangular glasses with white frames. If she didn't know better, Hermione would have thought that the girl was Harry's little sister.
"You can control your magic? To what degree?" Hermione asked the little girl, who wasn't so little, actually. The girl gave her a small, shy smile. "I can levitate objects and change my appearance." She said softly.
Hermione blinked. "You're a Metamorphagus, then! There hasn't been a Metamorphagus since Teddy Lupin was born. Are you of pure ancestry?" she asked the girl, putting a light tone to the pure ancestry, so she would not offend the young girl.
"No, I'm not. My parents are non-magical, but they support me all the way. I'm the only witch in our family." She replied. The raven-haired girl offered her hand to Hermione, who promptly shook it. "I'm Violet Broomburn."
Hermione nodded. "I'm Hermione Granger, and these are my friends Ron and Harry." She said, gesturing to each one of the boys, who raised a hand in greeting.
They continued to eat in silence, and their clean plates were replaced with silver bowls. In front of them were plates and bowls of countless desserts, including apple pie, huge blocks of ice cream, treacle tarts, flan, cupcakes, and a few double-chocolate cakes.
Violet's eyes boggled. "Good lord, there's a lot of dessert! I've never even seen so much sweet things in one place." She exclaimed in awe.
Her blonde friend, whose name was Jewell Goldman, also goggled at the dessert. "Yikes. That's a lot of dessert."
Hermione chuckled and watched Harry, Jewell, and Violet munch on treacle tarts. Yup, everything was almost back to normal. Well, for now, anyways.
When all the empty silverware had disappeared, Dumbledore stood up, his bright blue eyes twinkling, as usual. "Now that we have all been fed, I would like to make an announcement." He said, making Severus' stomach gurgle slightly. "Professor Snape will be DADA teacher once again. He also has a very important announcement to make to everyone. Severus," Dumbledore told the professor merrily, "I do believe it's your turn at the spotlight."
Severus simply rolled his eyes and stood up. He walked to Dumbledore's previous position and cleared his throat. In the Gryffindor table, Hermione, Ron, Harry, Violet, and Jewell looked at the man intently. As Crystal and Jewel were new, Hermione had briefed them on every teacher. Violet and Jewell had taken an instant dislike to Ron, who kept calling Snape a 'greasy, insolent git who favors his own half-assed house'. They believed that the man was simply misunderstood, but they didn't know how right they would be.
"Good evening, students of Hogwarts. I am sure almost all of you know me, Severus Snape, former Potions master, former Death Eater, and greasy git extraordinaire." He said, earning laughs from the whole hall. He smirked, though not unkindly, and continued. "For the past fourteen years that I have taught in Hogwarts, not one of you has called me a 'decent' person, and I have to agree partially with you on that. As a Death Eater, I was supposed to maintain a role. A role that all Hogwarts students under my reign would suffer," he chuckled, "but I assure you, not one of my students has died by my hand."
Ron and Ginny Weasley turned puce. Snape had 'accidentally' cut of George's ear with a dark curse, although he didn't die.
"I was forced to live my whole adult life as a bigoted, lying, greasy git who never washed his hair and a bat who favored his own house before others. I never got a chance to show you all my true self, until now." He said with a touch of smugness. "You see, this Severus Snape you see right now, is either an act, or a Glamour Charm."
Sounds of surprise, shock, and horror reverberated throughout the Hall, and Severus couldn't help but grin inwardly, this was going to be good.
The Golden Trio's mouths were open. Hermione was the most affected one, however. "He used a Glamour Charm every day for fourteen years? Great Merlin, I was underestimating this man," she muttered to herself.
"Bloody hell, the man's a fake!" Ron had indignantly spat.
"I never knew that it was all an act," Harry mused. "I wonder what he really looks like."
After letting the students and faculty alike mutter amongst themselves (only Dumbledore had known his true appearance), Severus spoke once again. "Now, with Lord Voldywarts (this earned him quite a bit of laughter and applause) burning in the Seven Pits of Hell and Death Eaters being captured here and there, I believe it is safe for me to remove my charm, is it not?"
He lifted his ebony wand as the whole Hall save Dumbledore waited in suspense. Severus silkily said, "Reversio Incantatem.'
Two jets of silver and green burst out of his wand, and a few shrieks were heard. The two light beams which looked eerily like snakes, twisted around the former Headmaster, encasing him in a light green tornado. As the tornado slowly vanished, people saw that Severus was still a bright light. The Snape-shaped light stepped forward a couple of steps, and the light faded into a very handsome and young-looking man, who smiled at the Hall. His shiny black hair glistened in the candlelight. His large nose was now of such a shape that it rivaled that of Draco Malfoy, and his once pale, yellowish skin was now a healthy vibrant color. His previously distorted face, which was lined with various stress-related wrinkles, was now one of such beauty that even the female professors couldn't help sighing. His once hunched body was looking like that of a healthy man in his early twenties, and the outfit he now wore, which consisted of Muggle jeans, Converse sneakers, and a tight black and green-striped t-shirt, showed off his toned body perfectly.
Every female in the hall gasped. Surely this was not Severus Snape?
Severus snorted, and drawled, "Yes, you dimwits, it IS me. Now shut your mouths and listen to the last of what I have to say." Even his old silky voice could not compare to the rich velvet tone that came out of his mouth. And all the girls could do was stare.
"I would also like to tell all of you that I will now stop favoring Slytherin more than the other Houses, points and detentions will now be served equally. I'd like to redeem myself in your eyes, to say so properly." He said, his still dark-as-ever onyx eyes oddly twinkling. "What do you say to a fresh start, eh?" He smiled a heartbreakingly cute grin, and a few girls actually fainted. The boys just kept their mouths open in shock.
Ginny fanned herself. "Merlin, if I had known Snape was actually this hot, I would have snogged him years ago!"
Jewell quietly panicked in her seat. 'Good lord, that man is H-A-W-T! He looks like Tom Felton now, except for the hair...' She thought happily.
Violet looked at a very red and flustered Hermione in front of her. 'She may not know it, but the moment I saw that man enter the hall, I knew he liked Granger, for he kept looking at her, and Granger obviously returned the favor back. They both don't know of their feelings for each other, so maybe I have to step in,' she mused, a wicked grin spreading on her face. 'I am, after all, who set up Berry and Lucas together last year.'
"And oh," Snape said, strutting along the aisle, "Do call me Professor Tobias from now on. Severus is such a long and hard-to-pronounce name, don't you agree?" he chortled, before disappearing into thin air, leaving behind a very stunned Great Hall and a very happy and cheerful Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore.
'Perhaps finding a partner won't be so hard now, won't it, Toby?' he giggled. After all, he was just a 15-year-old teenage girl stuck in a 126-year-old man's body.
DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNN. What could Crystal be up to now, eh?
And yeah, Jewell and Violet are there for a reason. You'll figure out soon.
This is going to be a two-shot, so watch out! :D
REVIEW PLEASE! :)))