Song of
Solomon
Chapter 1
My love, I dreamed of you
as a mare, my very own.
- SONG OF SOLOMON 1:6
Her hair splayed out around her like a fiery halo. A tiny smile pulled at her lips as she beckoned him to her side. She sat up and grasped his hand, pulling it to her chest and gently placing his fingers on the top button. He clumsily pulled it open, button by button until she was nearly naked. She shrugged the thin cotton off her shoulders and sat before him, a blush staining her pale cheeks.
He leaned in closer, pressing his lips to her neck gently, placing tender kisses across her collarbone and down her sternum.
"You're beautiful," he whispered, trailing kisses back up her neck and finally against her supple lips. "I love you."
She gasped as his hands traced a tantalizing pattern up her back, sending shivers down her spine. "I love you too," she breathed, cupping his face in her hands. "Never leave me."
"I'll never leave you," he whispered, kissing her forehead.
"Promise me," she said more firmly.
"I promise."
Her lips parted in a brilliant smile. "I knew you would," she whispered, touching her lips to his.
"I love you so much, Ellie," Sean kissed her harder, his fingers twisting through her hair. It began to slip from his grasp and he grappled for a better hold as she began to fade and disappear before his eyes. "Ellie?" He stammered, reaching out toward her. "Ellie, wait!"
"You promised," she whispered, before fading into nothingness.
"Ellie!" Sean yelled, tears pricking at his eyes. "Ellie, I love you..."
July 2014
"Dude, wake up."
Sean groaned and swatted at the hand pushing at his shoulder. "Leave me alone."
"Dude, c'mon. We got work in an hour."
He reluctantly forced his eyes open, blinking in the harsh sunlight. "Did you make coffee?" He mumbled, throwing himself out of bed.
Jay nodded, his mouth full of apple. "Yeah man. Got it covered."
"Good, 'cause I need it," Sean said, rubbing his eyes.
"You were saying her name again," Jay said quietly.
"Yeah?"
He nodded, taking a big bite out of his apple. "Yep. Sounded like a pretty...pleasing dream, eh?" He raised his eyebrow and grinned wickedly.
"Fuck you," Sean mumbled. "I don't need this."
"I hear she's back in Toronto," Jay said as he leaned against the door frame. "Alex saw her and said she was hot."
Sean shook his head as he climbed out of bed. "I can't face her."
"Do you mind if I go for her then? No use letting that tight-"
"Jay," Sean snapped warningly. "You touch her and I kill you."
Jay threw up his hands in mock defeat, following Sean into the kitchen. "Hey, hey man. Just saying."
Sean poured himself a cup of coffee and took a long sip. "Look, I really don't want to talk about her right now."
"You can't even say her name can you?" Jay crossed his arms over his chest and frowned.
Sean shot him a glare and took another gulp. "Yes I can."
Jay lifted his eyebrows and waited. Sean shook his head, and went back into his bedroom. "This isn't your business, Jay," he growled, slamming the door.
Collapsing on his bed, he held his face in his hands. He'd dreamed of her for ten years now, but never as frequently as this. He couldn't get her out of her head. After everything, he realized that there was no pushing Ellie Nash from his life.
"C'mon man, I don't want to be late. Finish powdering your nose and get your ass out here."
"Have you done this before?" She asked, her nerves shrinking her voice to a whisper.
Lifting his lips from her neck, he nodded. "Yes. With Amy."
She stiffened slightly, pressing her lips into a thin line. "Oh."
He gently stroked her face, a tiny smile gracing his lips. "I wish I hadn't. It didn't mean anything. We were both trying to forget the shit going on at home and that was the only way we knew how." He kissed her forehead lightly, and then dragged his lips downward and pressed them against her eyelid. "I love you."
She smiled softly, her muscles relaxing. "I love you too." Shyly pulling her shirt over her head, she hugged her chest tightly, her cheeks staining pink. He reached out and gently pulled her arms to her sides, running his hands down over the thin raised scars and grasped her hands tightly.
"You don't have to do this if you're uncomfortable," he whispered.
She shook her head. "No, no, I'm just... It's just that I know I don't have much...y'know. I mean, I'm no Amy."
"You're beautiful."
"You're just saying that."
He lifted her arm up to his lips and kissed her scars one by one. "Ellie, you're perfect. You don't need to feel shy around me."
She responded by tugging at the hem of his wife beater, pulling it over his head and tossing it next to the bed. Running her fingers down his hard chest and up again until she cupped his face in her hands, she smiled. "I won't, I promise."
Piece by piece, their clothing fell beside them until they were both naked, shivering in anticipation. "I'll be gentle," he whispered, rolling on top of her, his arms supporting his weight so as not to hurt her.
"I trust you, Sean." Ellie reached up and stroked his cheek. "I know you won't hurt me." He leaned down and captured her lips with his own. "You'll never leave me, right?"
"I'll never leave you," he murmured, trailing kisses down her neck.
"You promise?"
"I promise."
Ellie hated mornings like these. Reliving her loss of virginity to the boy who'd eventually break her heart did not make for a good start to the day.
Each morning, she woke up, drank the blackest coffee possible, smoked a cigarette or two and caught the bus to work. Her routine had only changed slightly since her move back to Toronto from Los Angeles. Now, instead of catching the bus to work, she caught the bus to buy a newspaper to look for job availabilities. Oh yes, her life was fulfilling.
That particular morning, she bought her paper and found a bench next to a construction site to sit amongst peaceful chaos. Why she picked that particular bench, she'd never know, but she enjoyed watching houses being built and this particular house had a charm that made her feel at ease. It was different than her own tiny, bleak apartment. It looked like it would be loved one day.
She pulled a pen out of her purse and opened the paper, crossing her legs as she scoured the listings. She ignored the waitressing jobs and the nanny opportunities, but that left fairly bare pickings. She finally found a copy editing job and circled it. At least that would be better than raising two brats whose parents could afford to ignore them.
Sighing in frustration when the rest of her search proved fruitless, she stuffed the paper in her bag and got up to leave.
"Any luck on the job hunt, Vampy?"
Ellie froze. She turned around slowly and was startled to see a sweaty, dirty, Cheshire cat grinning Jay Hogart staring at her. "Hi Jay," she said uncertainly. "Um, yeah, it's going ok."
"Heard you were in LA for a few years."
"That's right," Ellie nodded, startled by the lack of animosity in his voice. "I um, I saw Alex the other day."
"So she told me."
Ellie bit her lip and nodded. "She looked good...happy."
Jay nodded and walked closer to her, his hands stuffed in his pockets. "She is. You know she digs chicks now, right?"
"Yeah, I remember when she and Paige..." She trailed off seeing the carefully hidden disgust in Jay's eyes. "Anyway, I should probably get going. I told Marco I'd visit later and..."
"Yo Hogart, get your ass over here."
Ellie froze. She'd recognize that voice anywhere. "S-Sean?"
"H-Hey Ellie."
He appeared out of the shadow of the house and walked up to her slowly. He looked like the same Sean she knew ten years before, only he was a little taller and his hair a little longer. "What are you doing here?" She asked nervously, looking at the ground instead of directly at him. She couldn't face those eyes.
"Working," Sean said slowly. "I should ask the same of you."
"Actually, I was just going."
"Oh."
Ellie turned to go but paused when she felt a light touch on her shoulder. She turned her head and saw Sean's concerned eyes in her peripheral vision. "What?" She snapped. "I have to go."
"El, I-I'm sorry."
"Save it. Really, I'm in a hurry."
He paused. Ellie's heart skipped a beat. Don't let me go, don't let me go, she pleaded silently. "Can I call you later? I think we need to talk."
She turned to face him and he dropped his hand from her shoulder. Pulling a card out of her bag, she held it out to him and said, "It's my old card, but the cell number's the same. Give me a call sometime and I'll think about it." She dropped her eyes to the ground again, feeling suddenly uncomfortable with her decision. This was the boy who callously broke her heart after all.. "Um, bye Sean," she mumbled, before finally turning completely around and walking quickly toward the bus stop.
"Gee, with all the stuttering, it's like I'm fifteen again," she muttered, snapping her rubber band hard against her wrist. She took one last look at the two boys still watching her before running around the corner of a building. These ghosts from her past were killing her anxiety. With shaking fingers, she lit herself a cigarette and waited patiently for the bus.