Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin or any of the characters. Contains spoilers for series 3 so if you haven't seen and don't want to know, don't read! Also contains slash references.
50 Ways to Annoy Morgana series 3
Take her aside and quietly tell her that when being evil, it's important to limit the number of smirks and satisfied smiles in order to make sure people don't actually figure it out.
Ask her if it's hard being the less attractive sibling who isn't the heir to the throne.
Tell her Cenred's planned out a threesome with her and Morgause. And Morgause has already agreed.
Tell her she may have magic, but is she cool enough to have a dragon, like Merlin? Or a Round Table, like Arthur? Or a future as the Queen of Camelot, like Guinevere?
Tell each of the knights separately, that she has slept with all the other knights.
Take to referring to her and Morgause as the "Evil Sapphic Sisters of Doom", even when Uther, Arthur, Merlin, Gwen etc. are present.
Inquire in front of Arthur where she purchased her new evil chic wardrobe from? And if she'll graduate to black as her soul becomes darker?
Tell her if she spent less time scissoring with Morgause, she'd get a lot more evil work done.
Tell her that just because Merlin had killed her beloved sister with magic (or at least horribly wounded), was no excuse to go all freaky scream-y on him.
Stitch "I heart Uther Pendragon" into all of her dresses.
Suggest that her and Merlin practice magic together. When she demands to know what you mean, look sheepish and say you meant he was good at keeping secrets, is all. Look shifty.
Suggest that her whole evil routine was just an excuse to tie Merlin up in chains.
Ask her if she's familiar with the term "incest".
Tell her you were really surprised to see her sitting in Uther's throne…no, not at the diabolical nature of her plan, but that her huge ass could fit in the chair!
Start loudly rating her evil smirks out of ten but don't tell her or anyone else what you're doing.
For added effect, after 15) include comments such as "excellent timing, but curvature of sneer was somewhat lacking…"
Ask her if she's jealous that it was Morgause who got to put Merlin in chains.
Suggest that walking around the castle with her hooded cloak up might look a tad suspicious. In sarkiest voice possible, of course.
Ask her if Morgause talking evil turns her on.
Tell her she'll never make it as an evil sorceress if she doesn't learn how to lie convincingly.
Tell her the white dress makes her look pasty and fat.
Tell her Merlin's better at staring her down than she is him.
Steal all her lipsticks.
Ask her if it's hard not having a love interest when pretty much everyone else does, or has done.
Whenever she enters the room, say "Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's Maybelline."
Whenever she enters the room sing "She's as cold as ice, willing to sacrifice her love…"
Take to nicknaming her Voldemort.
Ask her if she likes authoritative men. In front of Uther and Arthur.
Take to calling her "Morgie" or "Morgs".
Wait until she's in the middle of being all evil-y with her magic then burst in and say "Yo I'm really happy for you, and I'mma let you finish, but Merlin is the best magician of all time!"
Wait til she's having a face-off with Merlin then ask if she's ever heard of "hate sex".
Tell her being able to pretend to cry and care doesn't make her evil. It just makes her a bitch.
Tell her that because she left Camelot for a year, all the men now fancy Gwen because there aren't any other women around to fancy apparently.
Wait until she's helping "old lady" Morgause off then turn to Gwen and say really loudly – "God, Gwen, how could you be so insensitive? Here's Morgana, helping this lovely old lady who's actually Morgause in disguise, and you're just stood there!"
Start sending various castle guards gifts, telling them that they're from Morgana.
Congratulate her on finally getting a storyline. All she had to do was turn completely evil and vow she wouldn't rest until she had overthrown Camelot. Start slow clapping.
Steal her eyeliner.
Tell Morgana just because she's evil doesn't mean she has to wear such dark makeup. It makes her look like a troll.
Tell her she doesn't get points for planting ideas in Uther's head. Anyone can say the word "magic" and he'll listen to whatever they have to say.
Steal her diary and read out entries you've made up – "Morgana's day: 9AM: Brush hair and admire self in mirror. 11AM: Lie to Uther. Smirk at his gullible nature. 1PM: Secretly meet Morgause. Plan evil deeds and exchange smirks. 3PM: Glare at Merlin but secretly check out his ass as he walks away. 3.3PM: Brush hair, admire self. 4PM: Smirk."
Stick sequins all over her dresses. When she confronts you, say they're usually so blingtastic no one will be able to tell the difference anyway.
Take to referring to her as Miss Bitch, even to her face. Say Merlin invented the nickname.
Tell Gwen that Morgana wants to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism.
For added effect, make sure Uther walks in on them.
Tell her Merlin has magic. Then shout PSYCHE!
Walk up to her in a casually confident manner and ask her what she'll do if she loses Morgause, since she's alienated every other person who loves her.
Tell her every scowl ages her skin and produces wrinkles.
Ask her if she shops at Forbidden Sorcercy and gets a discount every time she insults Uther.
Tell her Sir Leon borrowed her dress, and now it smells of man sweat.
Enchant all her mirrors to show her with a really spotty face when she looks in them.