I'm baaaaaaaaack, who missed me? I have another one for you, I hope you like it. Thanx to kelticsgirl for the idea. Sadly I do not own CSI or its characters, I do however, own Amanda Yates.

Six months after Samantha...

It had been a good six months since the whole Samantha thing and Nick had moved on he had gone to his psychologist like a good boy, and after a few months and worked passed the guilt and depression that he had allowed to over take his whole world. Those six months after he had taken her life were the hardest he had to face. Nightmares had plagued him, making it hard to sleep, hell some night he never made that far, he'd get into bed and lay in the dark wide away just letting his thoughts take him back to that night letting it replay its self again and again. He would cringe as he he could heard the squishing sound as she pulled away and the knife, still, in his grasp, pulled form her abdomen. He swore sometimes laying there in the dark he could still feel her warm blood cover his hands again, and he would life them into the small amount of light that filtered in from the kitchen and stare at his hands expecting to see it, but when he didn't he let them drop back to the bed and sighed relief.

His whole world had become about that night, he no longer went out with his friends, he went to work and and then went home, just going through the motions, not even his shrink could get him to open up about, though not for lack of trying, until one case caused him to have a complete melt later.

It was gruesome, a family had been brutally killed in their home while they slept the only survivor a scared eight year old named Chris, she had hidden the closet when she heard her mother scream for her brother to run Nick was the one to find her she and stayed in that closet all night waiting for some one to come find her, and when open that closet door he felt flat on his butt as she all but mowed him down screaming.

"NO! No, don't hurt please!" Nick sat there with this wiggling eight year old in his arms , he wrapped his arms around her protectively and whispered softly to her.

"Hey, It okay sweetie you alright, I'm not going to hurt you." He kept telling this until it seemed to sink in a minute or so later, she calmed down and looked at him her big green eyes locking onto his brown ones.

"Hi there My name is Nick." He told her she sniffled

"Chris." It was barely audible but he caught it and smiled sweetly.

"Hi Chris, How long have you been in the closet?" He asked her she shrugged, she had just ran in and shut the door she had no idea how long she been in there only that she was to frightened to come out.

"Thats okay honey,you did good." he stood her on her feet and pulled him up using the door knob. She stare up at him he innocent eyes watching him closely poised to run in case she needed to run back into the closet, he smiled.

"Whats the matter?" he'd asked and what she said next nearly knocked him off his feet.

"Are you a good guy?" Nick blinked and stare wide eyed at her, the question brought him up short, he wasn't sure what to answer, he had always counted himself among the good guys but now after he had done he wasn't so sure anymore. He told her yes but, he didn't believe it the rest of the night he thought about that question, He was in the locker room sliding into his jacket when the question came at him again he let his mind drift over that question, Was he a good guy? He was so sure anymore, not after he had done. That replayed it self slowly in his mind he saw the whole thing again for umpteenth time and it cracked a hold in his walls, every time his saw her charge him another crack, when she feel away from the knife another crack until finally the walls feel, Nick felt his world go spinning and overcome with grief sleep deprivation, he feeling dizzy and nauseated he fell back and against his closed lacker he slid to floor pulled his knees the his chest and burying his face his his arms let the torrent of emotion he bottled up come out, he rode out the wild waves of emotions to tumbled out of him, anger,quilt, a remorse he didn't understand, and tears poured in rivers he was still going half an hour later when a gentle hand lay on his shoulder, his jerked up from his knees and he stare in Catherine wide and teary blue eyes.

"Nicky do you want to talk about it now?" she asked taking a seat next to him he sniffled and tried to slow his sobs so he could speak coherently. He went on the tell her about the little girls question and how he didn't how to answer it expect to say yes, just to make her more at ease, he told how he had been feeling to the last three or four months and she listened until he stopped talking his tear once more over took him and she wrapped her arms around him and held him while he let it all out. A while later he lifted away from her to see her eyes shining with unshed tears, she quickly swiped them away and waited for nick to speak again.

"Sorry about that." he voice was soft and hoarse from crying so hard, he'd literally wailed for about another half hour just getting out and letting himself ride the waves until it stopped.

"Hey whats an ocean of tears between good friend?" she'd asked, they sat there talking for a long time until finally Catherine asked him about his next session with Dr Briner the Psychologist he had been going to see.

"I'm going to talk to him today actually there still a lot of things I'm feeling I don't understand." He confessed she smiled and helped him up form the dirty floor.

"Well I guess I'll et get to you appointment just remember you can always come to me or anyone on this team to let it all out anytime to need to, you don't have to hold it all in." Catherine reassured him he nodded and hugging her grabbed his jacket and left for his appointment.

He sighed as climbed into the truck and started the engine he smiled out at the rising sun and relaxed as he pulled out of the parking lot, he flipped on the rain just in time to catch the chorus to Tonight I wanna Cry, by Keith urban.

cause I've never been the kind to ever let my felling show

ad i thought being strong meant never losing self control

but, I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain

to hell with this pride

let it fall like rain,

from my eyes

Tonight I Wanna Cry

He had never really shown any one he feelings thinking of course that people might think less of him but, Catherine had sat there and let him soak her favorite shirt and wail in ear for more than an hour and she hadn't changed her opinion at all so maybe there was something to this share you feeling thing, he could work it as time went on right now he had some to see and a lot to talk over.

So here he was sitting in this god awful chair waiting to talk to his psychologist, about his mixed up feeling, and he knew it would a difficult thing for hi to admit but he needed to have some kind of explanation as to why felt remorse for a women who for all intents and proposes had tried to kill him. When he deep thought on this when his name was called and followed Dr. Binx back to his office where they sat opposite each other and Nick started right in not wanting to waste a minute of time he had here.

"Well, this is a change, usually you sit their and glare icicles at me." Dr. Binx smirked and watched Nick reaction to this.

"I had a long talk with a Friend," Nick paused and the smiled "Well more like i cried on her and she just sat there and let me." He explained.

"Well, did you feel better?" Dr. Binx asked, Nick nodded.

"Yes actually a felt a lot better, but theres still some things I'm feeling that I don't understand." Nick paused.

"Like..." he let that hang in air and waited or Nick to continue.

"Well, I feel remorse for Samantha, even though she tired to kill me, and yet a I want to hate her at the some time." Nick waited for the Doctor to speak.

"Thats okay it's normal to have mixed emotions about it, you feel sorry for the human in Samantha, the sister who missed her brother, and yet you resent the monster that wanted to kill you, and turned your world upside down." Dr. Binx pointed out Nick nodded that was it exactly.

"How do I deal with the conflicting emotions, I don't want to hate her anymore i just want to forget about her and move on." Nick asked.

"Well, thats the second step admitting you want to let go of those emotions, the first step was admitting you had them. How to deal with them is a simple problem really, have you tried apologizing to her, or her brother?" Dr. Binx suggested Nicked just looked at him like he had grown two heads.

"No, but how would i apologize to a dead women and I'm sure her Brother would just jump at the chance to have my head, I'm pretty sure he's sworn revenge on me for killing his sister." Nick pointed out.

"Paper and pencil Nick, write them both a letter you don't have actually send them if you don't want just write down what you would say to either of them and seal then in envelopes, after that it up to you what you do with them." Dr. Binx stole a glance at his watch and sighed.

"Well times up for today, this was very productive Nick, Keep this up and you'll be back to you normal self in no time." He led Nick and watched him leave smiling.

"It's about time too." He thought and he turned back to his office and dialed his phone, there was some one he needed to speak to.

"Las Vegas Crime Lab, how can a direct your call?" The secretary's asked.

"Yes I need speak with Gil Grissom please." and he waited while she transferred his call.

Nick went home and spent the rest of the day write two letters, if this didn't work he didn't know what he would do. He sealed them and sat there staring at them for a moment before picking them up and walking out of his with them one mailed to prison, and took a deep breath, oh boy i want to be and fly the wall when Delaney gets that. Then he went to the cemetery and stood in front of a grave stone he stare down at it his eyes dry for the first time in months.

"Hey Samantha, I know I have right to be after what happened I had to get this off my chest.." He explained before taking the other letter out of his pocket and thing it out of the envelope unfolded the note and read it to the grave stone.

Dear Samantha,

I know you can't actually read this but I needed you to know that I ma truly sorry about what happened to you, I no intention of killing you. I only meant to stop you from charging me down, I forgot that i had to knife in my hand, and then you ran into it and I couldn't stop you, and well, i guess you know what happened. I hope you found peace and now i really an truly sorry you lost so much in life and lost your life. I hope one day you can find in you to forgive me for what happened.

Yours sincerely,

Nick Stokes.

He folded the note and placing it back in the envelope placed against the grave stone, a gasp from behind him caused him to jerk around and he hesitated when he saw a young woman standing there staring at him tears running down her face her gray blue eyes staring him horrified.

"It was you, then that killed her?" Nick stood there shocked, uh-oh, please don't be related to her.

"Um yeah, it was a accident, I had no intention of killing her at all in fact I trying to leave when she charged me." Nick explained but stopped short as the woman eyes grew larger.

"I now this is going to surprise you but I believe you Mr. Stokes." She wiped her eyes and smiled at him. Shock, was an understatement, Nick could form words to ask the dreaded question, but she must have seen it in his eyes because she answered it for anyway.

"She was my older sister, and she was a real psycho." She said Nick mouth dropped open and he continued to stare her through eyes as big as dinner plates.

"It's not nice to stare Mr. Stokes." She smiled as she went around him to lay a few flowers on the grave he watched her silently.

"I just thought i at least owed to her to come and see her," she told him and then turning her attention back to grave stone she spoke to her dead sister.

"But don't think this is going to become a habit this is the only time i will come the this grave for the rest of my life, i wanted nothing to do with you or our lunatic brother in life and sure don't want anything to do with you in death ether." she finished and turned around to face who looked like he wasn't sure weather to laugh or cry, relief flooded him finally some in that family that didn't want him dead! She luaghed out load andn took him by the arms guiding him away from the grave.

"Come on cowboy lets make a dash for before she decides to strike back at us from the grave." She quipped Nick chuckled.

"Oh please don't say that she just might." Nick cringed inwardly. She laughed.

"As evil as she was i wouldn't be surprised if she appeared right here in front of us." They both chuckled. They stopped at the truck and she glanced at her land rover parked just behind him. Nick only hesitated a second, gathering his courage.

"Could I buy you break fast?" He waited for her to turn him down flat and run for it but, she just grinned widely.

"Sure I'd love to, i haven't eaten a thing all day i was to scared about coming here to face the she demon to eat." she confessed.

"Well, uh I still don't know you name." he smiled she smiled and shook her head.

"Amanda Yates." She announced proudly.

"Pleasure Amanda Yates, Nick Stokes."

"So are we taking on car or should we just meet up." she asked Nick looked around and then looked at Amanda.

"Meet you at Denny's." she said and they laughed and climbing into there respective trucks took off out of the cemetery fast and made it to Denny's in record time. When they finally made it in the door they laughed.

"I think we safe from her if she'd never come haunt us here." Amanda piped up as they took a table by the window.

"Oh what makes you say that?" Nick asked.

"She hates Denny's." Amanda said and again they laughed.

"I'll put that to memory, when Samantha gets the urge to rise from the grave and chase me, run to Denny's." again they laughed, they want like this the whole meal, just talking and eating and have a good time.

"So why is your last name different from you sisters, were you married?" Nick asked.

"Oh no , see she was my half sister my mom married their father and I never took his name i refused and mom never pressed the issue." she explained, Nick sighed so not a blood relative, that explains a lot.

"So does insanity run in your family?" She asked Nick smiled.

"Nope I have perfect bill of mental health all down the line." He answered.

"So I guess you've been having a hard time of it since what happened." Amanda looked at him.

"Yeah well my life has been an never ending roller coaster ride, for the last six months." Nick agreed she sighed and reached over take his hand in hers and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"I'm they did this to you Nick." She apologized.

"It's not you fault but, thank you. Theres just thing i hate about this." she grinned and she took the bait.

"Whats that?" she asked.

"I have roller coasters." He grinned that infamous Nicky grin and she cracked up.

"Oh Nick." She said in a mock whiny voice that nick chuckled at, then the waitress came with coffee. They calmed and fell silent as they became lost in their own thoughts as they sipped their coffee.

'Hmmm maybe my life is finally starting to turn out right.' Nick thought to himself as took another sip of his coffee.

'So maybe going to see that witch wasn't such a bad move after all.' Amanda thought sipping her hot coffee.

Awwww, I gave him a love interest, how kind of me, hey at least she doesn't want to kill him. But wait, theres more to come, not all will be well in the land of love for those two, just keep on reading folks and you'll see.